#71 Move Beyond Worry

Move beyond Worry.
Worry robs us of our joy and empties today of it's strength (if you let it).
In this video I share strategies to move beyond worry and get on with creating more of the life and results you want. 
Use my Overcoming Overwhelm worksheet:  https://livemorelife.kartra.com/page/62ws

Transcript
Worry. It does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows. It empties today of its strength. Ever find yourself wondering, 'what if? what if?, what if?' You notice that your mood has dropped, you're not being productive. You're getting stuck.

It's easy to fall into - particularly in troubled, concerning, changing times - to fall into concern about the future. To rumination about what might be going to happen. Have you ever noticed how insidious it is? So often we don't even notice that we're doing it until we've been doing it for a while. Or until we notice ourselves reaching for that extra snack we don't need. That extra helping, even though we've already eaten to our point of satisfaction.
 
It's so easy to fall into. To fall into the 'what ifs'. To fall into...'what if I get sick? What if something happens? What if I lose my job? What if I'm unwell'. So many little things just in our everyday life. What if I don't achieve my goals? What if I don't figure this out? What if something happens? It's so rare that we're considering, in all of that, something good happening. It's always about something bad happening.
 
Today I want to help you transform that I want to help you move beyond worry. Because it's so ineffective. It's a survival mechanism.
 
You know, our brain has been trained in to look at what might go wrong. What might be bad. And think about that is because of danger. It's a means of keeping us alive, worrying about survival. There's so many things that we get caught up worrying about that really aren't about survival in our lives, and often aren't even really even realistic, about happening.
 
If they were, worrying doesn't actually help us to solve it. It doesn't make any of the problems or the challenges or the concerns that come up in our life, actually any better. It doesn't solve them. Just kind of wastes our time wastes our energy, and it's actually exhausting. Have you noticed just how exhausting it is?
 
You put those two things together the worry itself and the exhaustion from the time spent worrying. Those are triggers for self sabotaging behaviour. Worrying doesn't help us. It doesn't change anything. It doesn't move us forward towards our goals. It doesn't help us solve any of the issues. It just makes us feel bad and keeps us very busy doing nothing.
 
Have you noticed inaction, avoidance - these are the hallmark actions of giving in to worry, spending time worrying. We hold ourselves back from being our best selves from achieving our best life. That's the result of the worry. We do nothing instead of doing anything.
 
And so my worry becomes self fulfilling. We worry the bad stuff happens. And then we delay action, we avoid, we self sabotage, we exhaust ourselves and then bad stuff happens. Right? And of course, we use that as evidence to make more things to worry about later.
 
I want to help you stop that. I want help you move beyond it.
 
And do you know what? I'm a human. This comes up to me today because I've noticed even just some worrying thoughts drifting back into my mind in the last few days, few weeks. And I've been thinking I'm mirroring that a little bit from some of my clients. I've seen so many of my clients really getting caught up in the worry, the anxiety, the concern, at the moment. So, first of all, nothing's wrong. If you've ever caught yourself worrying you're giving in to this normal human biological response. This is what our brain is designed to do.
 
But also I want to help you move beyond it today. I want to show you that it's not a reason to stop. It's not a reason to hold yourself back. from achieving your life, I'm gonna share some techniques I've learned that helped me and my clients move through it. Let's get past the worry, roadblock. Stay with me. I'd love to hear what works for you as we go through.
 
Before I do that, I should introduce myself. Hi, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Brian Grainger. I'm a life coach and a weight loss coach and I transformed my relationship with myself back in 2006. And when I did, I lost 50 kilos. I've maintained that weight loss ever since. I no longer worry about my weight. In fact, now it's my mission to help people transform their thinking and change their habits so that they can achieve any result they want in their life, like losing weight for good. You can check out more of my work and download my 10 secrets to long term weight loss over at LiveMoreLife.com.au While you're there you can check out my other videos, and I'm also going to recommend using my overcoming overwhelm worksheet for today's lesson. I've posted it before, but you can get the link in below. It'll be in the link of the description of the video. So grab that. Let's get started.
 
What do you do if you happen to be prone to worry, if you find yourself worrying? Remember, it is a normal human reaction. So, you know, don't think you're bad or you're not good enough. Don't use that worry as a reason to beat yourself up. It's just a habit that you practice.
 
Now some people say no, just ignore it. Just, just 'think positive'. I also think that's not a particularly useful strategy. Um, you know, as much as I do believe - and I truly believe that our feelings all come from our thoughts, and we can choose new ones - I'm also very aware that we don't want to ignore the ones we're having. Right? I've never found it particularly useful to kind of pretend I'm not worried about something when I am. My brain knows differently.
 
So just thinking positive or just ignoring it isn't quite enough. I actually think you need to do three things. I think you need to, firstly, to firstly notice it. To become aware of that mental voice going...'What if? What if? What if?' You know, Michael Neal talks about this a little bit; about riding the train of thought. To recognise that we've gotten into a particular mindset. We've gotten into a pattern of thinking. We just happened to be on a train, and he talks about it like a train because it's, it's on rails, right? It just, we know where it goes. Worry leads us to, robbing us of our strength, robbing us of our joy, exhausting ourselves, rumination, in inaction. Kind of a destination we're heading to. And that never gets us to where we really want to go. Right?
 
So the first thing is to notice... 'oh, I'm on that train again'. I notice that I'm worrying about something. Right? To interrupt the automatic reaction of reaching for food or wine or comfort, procrastination. Just recognise it. That's the first thing. Just notice it. Nothing's going wrong, our brains doing what it's supposed to do. It's just got some thinking happening here.
 
Okay. The second thing you want to do is then to allow that in. One of the reasons why worry is so exhausting - and really like resisting any negative emotion - it is exhausting, because of all this pressure. W think it shouldn't be there or we shouldn't doing that, or it's, you know, we're not supposed to, and it's wrong. And we spend all this time fighting and fighting and fighting it. I don't want to think about it. I don't wanna think about it. I don't want to think about it. It's often what we do when we're worried, right? We notice concern...'ah no I don't want to think about it. We often use food and drink as a distraction, yeah?
 
But we're giving all of this energy trying to fight it off. That is exhausting because then it kind of fights back harder. We just reinforce it. It goes round again, pushes back, push back, push back, push back. Instead, we need to practice allowing, and going...'Okay, I have some concerns. I noticed what my brains doing here'. Oh, okay. I'm worrying here like an action. I'm worrying on purpose.
 
So you want to allow it, embrace it, allow it in. And if nothing else, just recognise that when we do that, when we stop fighting it, thinking it shouldn't be there, or we shouldn't be doing it or it's wrong, we free up all of our energy to actually understand it. To have compassion for ourselves and question, to consider...'well okay, this is here. Now what? Want do I do with that?'
 
And that's part three It's really getting into the questioning. Actually question what's going on in our brain. It's forming these strategies, and I've got a few to share with you today. So, but first we notice, secondly allow it, Yeah. Oh, okay. It's okay. I'm worrying. All right, that's okay. Nothings going wrong, my brains doing a protective mechanism here. Just not a very effective one.
 
Now, what are we gonna do about it? So that's the question, part three. So the first strategy is what I'm just calling Acceptance. It really is deciding Well, okay, what if it's not a problem that I'm worried about something? Mind blowing! This idea that so often we worried about something and then we're worrying about worrying about it. But what if it's not a big deal? Well, what if that's just normal? If it's okay. Right?
 
It's just a signal that's come on up. And I've been thinking about living my life, like, like I'm flying a plane. Like there's an aircraft cockpit with all of these controls and signals and things. And my emotions are really just like a signal coming on. Like, 'oh, I've got an alarm. I've got an alert there'. Oh, I notice I'm worrying. There's an alarm happening. Okay. Doesn't mean something's going wrong. I mean, we're about to plummet out of the sky, right? It's just telling me something. It's giving me some feedback. Okay.
 
What if it's not a big deal? My mentor, and teacher Brooke Castillo. She talks about this a lot. When she talks about her anxiety. You know, she's amazingly successful. She's an exceptionally powerful coach and coach trainer. But she has chronic anxiety. Most days she'll wake up with some measure of anxiety. Okay, she doesn't let it stop her right. She talks about it like...'it's like I've got a heavy purse today'.
 
Okay, I'm noticing I'm anxious. Could be I'm noticing I'm worried, I'm noticing I'm sad or angry or frustrated okay. What if it's not a problem? Just take it along for the ride. All right, come on. Come on worry. Come on anxiousness, Come on fear, Come on resentment, Come on frustration. Just because you're here doesn't mean I can't do things, or I can't get things done. I can't get my or live my life. So, you know, pick it up, carry it around. It's okay. I'm just gonna take it with me. All right, come on worry.
 
What we're not doing is stopping. Spending time spinning in inaction, right. So what can I get done? She likes to do of course work through the anxiety. It works for many people. Getting physically active, going for a walk, take a walk [for] take your worry for a walk. Take it for a workout. Do some tidying or cleaning and chores, particularly mindless chores. Just get it done. Use the physicality of your body to change the hormones that you're producing. And that will, may help you clear your thinking, right? How often do you know you get caught up in your head and you go for a walk and actually clears your thinking and you come back calmer with more perspective? Had to work it through.
 
So, first of all go...well, what if it's not a problem that I'm worried? What if that's okay? I can just get on with it anyway. Even if I'm worried. I'm going to write it down. This is the biggest mistake I think most people make, is they don't actually go... 'What am I actually worried about?' What actually is what I'm thinking is going to happen here? What is the worst case scenario? Actually write it down, get it onto paper. Name it. I am worried about this. I'm worried that x, y and z.
 
You know, I hear clients going...'I had to eat it because I thought, I felt like my brain was telling me, I wouldn't get the chance, I never get to have this'. Then they're worried about it. Then we think we have to eat it now. They never actually question, well Okay, is that true? I'm worried about never being able to eat pizza again. Is that true? When can I? 'I never get to have this'. Oh, when did I last have it? Last week, last month, yesterday, right?
 
Just question our brain. Like our brains gonna offer us things right. It's just going to give us the first platter. It's going to go to our survival mechanism. It's going to go you know, avoid pain, seek pleasure. conserve energy, so stock up for the winter. Avoid taking action. Do the same thing you've always done. That's what brains always going to give you. So you have to be on your brain. To go out on wait, I'm making changes in my life and becoming better than I was before. I'm transforming. I'm evolving. I'm creating something new in my life that I haven't had before. Okay, I can't use the things that I've been doing before. I have to do something different.
 
So write down what you're actually worried about. talk it out. So often, I sometimes do this, if you wake up in the middle of night thoughts racing or whatever, write it down. And then quite often, you write it down and you go, Okay, that's not actually a thing I have to be worried about. We get it out of our head. When it's in our head, we're at the effect of it. When it's out on paper, it's a thing we can do something about. Often, that's a good place to talk about it with a trusted friend, or even better, someone who's not emotionally involved in the situation. That's where coaches are amazing because we're not caught up in the situation. We can look at it objectively can help you see your thinking. Okay, so write it down, get it out of your head, don't let it spin. Get it out.
 
Number three. Think about using what another coach I admire, Corinne Crabtree, she took this idea called the worry bucket. It's like this idea of designating a time when you're going to do your worrying, right? Like worrying is an action we take, right? I'm going to ruminate and go over it again. I'm going to spin. I just gonna spin, around and around my head. Okay, that's just worrying. That's the act of worrying. It's not very productive. In fact, it stops us doing lots of other things that might be useful in our life that we want to get done. She has this idea of putting it in the worry bucket. You go, Okay, well, I'm gonna let myself worry. Between this time, and this time. That's the time I put in the calendar for worrying. Like I'm choosing an example,  with one of her clients I think, about worrying on the commute home.l I've got 30 minutes in the car. At the moment we're commuting from the dining room, or the Lounge room you know, to the kitchen. So, but nonetheless, designate time, really think about it. But the trick is you just tell your brain you go, Okay, I'm not worrying about that now. I'll worry about it later.
 
It's actually one of the benefits of writing things down when you wake up in the middle of the night, with those thoughts spinning. Write it on a piece of paper and go, I'm not worrying about it now. I can worry about it in the morning. It's just this idea I don't have to. Yes, brain, thank you, I get the message for you wanting to be worried about that. You think it's a good idea to be worrying about it. Okay, got it. Thank you. Note taken. I'm gonna put it in the worry bucket, so we can worry about it later.
 
Now, the thing is that when you do that, do the exercise - now literally, seriously, try and do it, just do it - you'll notice that your brain goes okay. Alright, well, we'll worry about that later - No one actually wants to come to the time and go... 'Okay, now I'm going to worry about all these things'. We never recommend that. We never actually recommend to anyone that we go feel bad on purpose. Like, let's just go and make myself feel bad for no good reason and a total waste of time. I'm going to go do something.
 
Friends or family, you wouldn't go and say to a loved one... 'Okay, now I think you should just go back in and make yourself feel bad for no good reason'. Okay, now that's not saying you should never feel bad. Sometimes you will feel bad. That's a normal human emotion you want the full spectrum, but making myself feel bad for no reason, on purpose, is a total waste of time. So you'll often find if you put in the worry bucket, you come to later and actually, you don't worry about it any more.
 
If it is still a concern, if it comes back up again, then look for one of these other techniques: acceptance write it down, or the next one, question it. In last week's video I talked about everything happens for us, not to us, everything happens for a reason, right? That indicator light in the aircraft cockpit has come on for a reason. So ask why is it here for me today? Why am I feeling this way? Remembering that all thinking, sorry all feelings, comes from thinking. I'm feeling worried, anxious, stressed, frustrated, any of the negative emotions or even the positive ones - I'm feeling them because of my thinking. So what am I thinking? What's actually going on in my brain? What am I actually worried about?
 
How is this signal coming on, being here, for me? Right? Remember worry is a survival mechanism because as our brain goes alright think about, you know, what happens if you get eaten by a lion, you know, get gored by an animal, when you're out hunting and gathering. You might want to think about that. Okay, I better take my spear. All right. You know, it's about I better, you know, think about what might go wrong, so I can plan ahead for it. Okay, so is whatever I'm worried about, something I actually need to plan ahead for? Right. So question, how is this here for me? It's a signal.  what's, what's it telling me? What's the use? What's the point of it being here today?
 
And sometimes you go.. 'Ah, it, none'. It's just my brain getting trapped in old thinking. Okay, all right, well, okay, now I can let it go. Thank you brain not needed, you know, put it in the bucket. I don't need it, put it in the bucket, save it for later. Or Oh yeah, actually do need to think about that.
 
The next step, actually think about it. Face the fear. Actually answer the questions right? Remember the worries. the 'what if?' questions. What if this happens? What if this happens? What if this comes to pass? Okay, what if? What would actually happen? And then what would that mean? and what would that mean? and what would that mean? Make sure you follow it all the way through. So often, our brain catastrophizes. It takes it from something realistic and possible, even if remotely possible, and makes it certain. Inevitable. Yet, that's often not the case.
 
So answer the question. What if? What if the worst thing happens? Like, what is the worst thing that could happen? Okay? How can I cope with it? How would I handle it? And sometimes you'll go...'Oh, well, I can do this. I can do this. I know what I would do if the worst thing happened'. Okay, so you don't be frightened of it anymore because you know that you can look after yourself, you can care for yourself, you can get through it.
 
You also want to ask how likely is this to happen brain? It often will take the smallest chances and make them huge, right? Just assume that it's inevitable. Instead of being 0.01%. I notice that when we start questioning this like...'well, how likely is that to happen actually brain? Now, even if it's moderately likely, we can then still also ask...'what else could happen? What are the other possibilities here?' What else could happen? Are any of those more likely than this event? Are they equally likely? What else is possible?
 
Consider those alternatives. What could go well? What opportunities for growth are they in this? What can I gain out of this scary thing? At worst we might, we might gain resilience, self confidence, self reliance. An opportunity to look after ourselves, even in the worst.
 
So embrace the possibility of failure. So often, we go into inaction. We just go to worry because we're worried about failing, not being good enough, not doing it right. Okay, what does that's not a problem either? What if that's how I learned? What if that's how I transform? What if that gives me the skills I need to get it right next time? Don't I want that? Instead of never getting that skill, by staying in inaction, in avoidance? So embrace the possibility that what if failure is not a problem? What if it's the path to success?
 
The next strategy is to take ownership. Going... 'Well, how much of this that I'm worried about thing, is within my control, to do something about? Right? At the moment, we have the COVID-19 restrictions, the pandemic going on, even though there's some easing of them. It's like well, okay, when do things go back to normal? That's not within my control. Okay, so is it worth it for me spending time worrying about that?
 
If there is a percentage, by the way, if it is within your control, then what percentage of effort are you putting in to control the bit you can control? Notice, when we give in to worry, it's usually zero. So if there is something within your control, what can I do with that? What actions can I take? What can I take charge of? What can I be responsible for doing? At the moment, I'm worrying and I'm spinning in worry and I'm ignoring and I'm avoiding. What could actually be doing? How can I be making progress? How can I actually be living my life?
 
My favourite question when I notice worry or concern (or really any other challenge in my life, any of the signals going on)....What would love do? If I loved and cared for myself here? If I was looking after myself, what would I do? I've never had the answer come back "Exhaust myself, self sabotage, hurt myself". Okay, since I've understood this, and I've learned to ask that question, I've never responded with any of those things. Self sabotage, inaction, exhausting myself in worry. It never helps. What else could I do?
 
It's funny, you know, what I've learned in my life is that, when I spend time living in fear, right? I get caught up in worry, I stagnate. I hold back. I stay in my comfort zone. My worldview shrinks down. I get very caught up in my head. When I decide not to worry, or I challenge the underlying thoughts, when I consider the opportunities for growth and success and potential, then I embrace and release my fear. That's when I thrive. That's when I grow. That's so much more fun.
 
So I urge you to use some of these techniques today. So that you can stop holding yourself back. So that you can get on with becoming more of who you want to be. Creating more of the life that you want to create. Notice when you're worrying. Allow it with compassion and understanding. And then use one of the strategies and techniques I've talked about today to help you move beyond it. To get back into living your life, instead of avoiding.
 
I talked about a lot of techniques here: acceptance, writing it down, talking it out, putting in the worry bucket, questioning why is it here, asking the question, bringing inquiry, facing the fear, embracing failure, considering the alternatives, taking ownership (What's within my control?), and asking 'what would love do?' I'd love to know what strategies you use. What shifts?
 
How will you move beyond worry, this week? I love you to let me know in the comments.
 
Now, if you do need more help moving beyond worrying or feeling held back in achieving your goals, then I really want to invite you into a free conversation with me. Head to LiveMoreLife.com.au and request a free consultation. You know, we'll have a chance to help you shift perspective and you can draw on my experience of helping people adjust and change these unhelpful habits. You really can transform your thinking and create the life and the results you want. You just need to learn some new skills and practice them.
 
Alright, well if this has been helpful for you, make sure you give me a like, give me a reaction, give me heart. If you're watching on YouTube or on my video blog, make sure you subscribe to get notified of all the new videos. If you know someone who might be helped by hearing this message today, then please tag them in the comments or send them the link to the video. I want to help more people move beyond worry and have more of the life they want. I'd like to help you.
 
You might not be able to stop worrying all together. Remember, it's a natural response. Our brains going to do it sometimes. Yet if you learn these techniques and use them, you'll probably find that you both worry less, and you'll certainly learn that it's not a reason to hold you back from your dreams.
 
Let's go and make them happen. Have an amazing day. And I'll talk to you again soon. Bye for now.
 
Transcribed by https://otter.ai