#70 Loving on purpose

Love ❤️ It's available to all of us, in every relationship we have, every day. We always have the option to choose it. This is especially true now, in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, where for most of us, the predominant feelings are Uncertainly, Doubt, Confusion and Overwhelm. 😭 If that's you, then today I want to help you change that.

I have always found that moving forward, taking action, from a feeling of Love is always more effective than from any other emotion. In this video I share a technique for choosing Love in your relationships with others, and with yourself, on purpose.
Checkout the Worksheet here: https://livemorelife.kartra.com/page/70ws

Transcript
Well hello everyone, and a big shout out to all of the mothers, past, present, future. And all of those in the world who have filled such a role. With Mother's Day coming up it really reminds us this week, that we have an opportunity to express love and appreciation, and to make someone feel special, on purpose. To

tell those we care about they are special to us. And it's also an opportunity to feel loved, to feel appreciated, to feel special for ourselves on purpose.
 
The good news is, of course, we don't have to have a special day on the calendar to do this. It is nice to have the reminder. It is nice to take this time to celebrate the mothers, the nurturers, the carers in our life.
 
But this opportunity to choose love on purpose, is available to all of us, in every relationship, every day. We always have the option to choose love.
 
And I think this is especially true and especially helpful now, in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. When, for most of us, the predominant feelings at the moment are uncertainty, doubt, confusion, overwhelm. And if that's you, then today, I want to help you change that. I want to share with you, and I will share with you, a technique for choosing love in your relationships with others, and in your relationship with yourself, on purpose. Because I've always found that moving forward, taking action towards my goals from a feeling of love and care is always, always more effective than coming from any other emotion.
 
Hi, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Brian Grainger. I'm a life coach and a weight loss coach. And I transformed my relationship with myself back in 2006, when I learned to love myself to care for my body from a place of love. When I started doing that I lost 50 kilograms and I've maintain that weight loss now forever since. It's my mission now to help other people, transform their thinking, change their habits, and reach their goals like losing weight for good (or any other goal they want to achieve in life). You can check out more of my work and grab my 10 secrets to long term weight loss over LiveMoreLife.com.au While you're there, check out my other videos, and I've made a special worksheet called 'A letter to you' to go along with this video. It's part of the technique I'm going to teach you a little later, you can find that link in the description.
 
You know, in the current circumstances, it can feel very challenging. It can feel like an end or a loss. You know, loss of freedom, or financial security, even just the loss of the familiarity of our normal routines. It can feel like an obstacle or a barrier - I can't do what I want, or I can't achieve what I want, because of the situation at the moment. Or, for some people, it can feel like storm to be weathered. You know, it's time to hunker down and delay and put off and wait till it's over. To put our hopes and dreams and goals on hold.
 
Yet, I also think it's an opportunity. There's an opening here of new possibilities, a turning of the page, if you like. Remember this is our life right now. We still have agency we still have choice. We can still choose to do things differently, and we can still work towards becoming the best version of ourselves. We can still work towards becoming, and living our best life. That is still available to us.
 
I'm reminded here of a quote from Byron Katie. She says, "Life is simple. Everything happens for us not to us. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon or too late. You don't have to like it. It's just easier if you do.
 
So in today's video, I really want you to consider...where are you fighting reality at the moment? Where are you wishing things were different from the way they are? Wishing that something hadn't happened or it happened differently? Wishing that perhaps you were different, or that other people were different? I wonder who do you most want to change in your life at the moment? Kids, bosses, colleagues, partners, yourself?
 
The trouble is with fighting realities, that firstly, it doesn't change anything. It never actually works. And it's just exhausting. We drain ourselves completely fighting against what is, instead of loving what is. So, let me help you perhaps shift that. To transform it. To choose love on purpose.
 
And to do that, I'd like you to consider one relationship you have in your life. Now, I've created a worksheet. So, if you don't have it go and download the worksheet as well, to help you through this right? Maybe you need 10 to 15 minutes to go through it. And also I want to let you know that this technique that I'm sharing with you I originally learned from my coach, Brooke Castillo over at the Life Coach School. You should totally check out her free podcast The Life Coach School podcast and check out her work at TheLifeCoachSchool.com It transformed my thinking, helped me be a better coach. So grab the worksheet and complete it along as we go.
 
So consider one relationship you have in your life. So that might be with your mother for Mother's Day, or your kids, partner. Or it's a relationship with COVID-19. Yes, this can be a relationship with a situation. Or it can be a relationship with yourself.
 
So really just pick one, one that you'd like to change at the moment.  Where it feels hard or difficult or challenging. And then to start with. Let's just find out where that's coming from, ask yourself "How do I feel about this relationship right now?"
 
I encourage you to write down all of your thoughts, don't edit them. Let them be judgemental or negative or petty or mean or empowered, or frivolous. You don't have to try and be kind. You don't have to try and be nice in this. It's just for your information, it's just for your awareness of what's going on. So write out all of the thoughts you have about this other person or the situation, even if it's you.
 
Write down all the thoughts. Really give yourself some time to do this. Get everything out. Whenever you think you're done, you're finished, stop and ask… "What else do I feel?". What else? What else?
 
When you have taken the time to do that, you've written down all the thoughts, got them out of your head onto paper. Then take a breath. It can sometimes be confronting to see exactly what's in there, in our mind. Then I'm going to ask you to confront just a little bit more. Go back through the list of everything you've written down and just notice how many if any of these thoughts that you have are also true about you. They're also how you feel about you. Go back and circle them. It's amazing how often we project, what we're thinking about ourselves on to the behaviour of others or onto the situation. I really want you to notice those. So go back and circle them.
 
And then once you've done that, as an experiment. You know, for just a moment or maybe for 10 minutes. You might find you want to do it for even longer in a moment, but first space just as an experiment for now. Can you just put aside, just allow yourself to put aside, all those thoughts and feelings and allow everyone and everything in the world just to be exactly how they are. Everything is just actually perfect. Right now, as it is.
 
If you're not practised at this you might find yourself fighting against it. So just breathe. Give yourself some space and go 'you know what? I can pick up my arguing thoughts, I can pick up my old thoughts again in just a minute if I want'. But now, for just a few moments, can you just put them aside and go... How do I feel if everything is just exactly the way it is?
 
I want you to imagine then that you could just choose an emotion off the shelf. You could take your pick of any of the thousands of emotions that we feel. How do you want to feel about this person, about this situation? How do you want to feel at the moment? Write those things down. How do you want to show up in this relationship? Who do you want to be? Let's write that down.
 
Because that's a choice that's always available to us. We actually do, in fact, get to choose - because all feelings, all emotions come from our thinking. So, whatever you're having, whatever emotions you're having, you are actually choosing them. Maybe you've just been choosing them unconsciously, without the knowledge that you could choose differently. But you can. You have to become aware of your thinking.
 
Then choose differently on purpose. It's totally available to you at any time.
 
And it's not that we have to fight the, the old thoughts and think that they are wrong or bad. We just had them. Our brains our machines for making thoughts so just notice that that's what's there. It's not right or wrong, it just is. But also, you have agency, you have power. You can choose differently if you want.
 
One of the ways to really help you do that is to consider writing a letter (or email I guess) to express your thoughts and your feelings. And I've put a template in there for you. This can be particularly powerful. Not only changing the way you show up in your relationships, but also consider writing this letter from yourself how you're going to be in six months or a year five years’ time, or from your deathbed, looking back on you now.
 
So, so far, stay with the relationship we've had. Write a letter to the person or to the situation. And I'll give you some prompts, in a moment. Then consider going back through this whole exercise and doing it all again, looking back from future you back to you now. So fun.
 
So in this letter here's some prompts: I've been meaning to tell you, I admire you for...
 
I'm thankful for...
 
I remember when...
 
You have shown me how...
 
You told me...
 
I'm always grateful for...
 
And I love you, because....
 
I really encourage you get those thoughts out. Set them aside. Choose how you want to feel. Choose who you want to be, on purpose. And then write this letter. It really is amazing.
 
How we feel, always comes from our thinking, and the option to feel love it's always available. It's always available to you. So I'd love to know how will you show love and appreciation to others, today? And how will you show love and appreciation to you?
 
Perhaps, as Chris Carr says... "How would you nurture her, if you were the mother of little you?" The non gendered version... How would you nurture yourself, if you were the mother of little you?
 
I love for you to let me know in the comments and don't forget to download and complete this worksheet. I've put one set in there, of those pages that were the questions we've talked about. But you could print this again for every relationship that you want to change, or you want to improve in your life. For every situation that you want to transform your thinking about. I really encourage you to complete it and I'd love to hear what shifts for you, when you do. What changes?
 
Of course, if you need more help, shifting your mood, shifting your mindset, improving your relationships or loving yourself, then, let's have a conversation. You know, head to LiveMoreLife.com.au and request a free consultation. Let's spend an hour, getting together and helping you turn it around and seeing how coaching can work for you. Coaching you know is a powerful force helps you experience your life differently, to understand where and how to make changes that improve your life. You really can have the life, the results that you want, even now.
 
Well, if this has been helpful for you, please give me a like, give me a heart. If you're watching on YouTube or on my video blog, make sure you subscribe so that you know, whenever new videos coming out. If you know someone who could use hearing this message, who would benefit from watching this video, please tag them in the comments below or send them the link.
 
Remember, you are very special.
 
If you're celebrating Mother's Day with, or as a mother. Then remember love appreciation and feeling special are always available.
 
To my mum and to all the mothers and grandmothers in my world. Thank you for being the amazing people you are for the work you've done, and the love you've given. I love you all.
 
I hope you have an amazing day. I'll talk to you soon. Bye for now.
 
Transcribed by https://otter.ai