Have you been creating the life that you want? Are you creating it now?
If not, what are you creating?
Perhaps you've fallen into the #1 mindset trap I believe keeps people from achieving their goals - blaming the circumstances.
So, if you feel like things have been out of control then in this video I share how to get back to creating your desired future.
Download the worksheet here: https://livemorelife.kartra.com/page/67ws
Have you been creating the life that you want? Are you creating it now? If not, what are you creating?
Even when life presents us challenges like social distancing, or changes in finances, or Easter eggs, we always have a choice about how we respond. We can choose to look after ourselves. We can care for our future. We can seek support we can get resourceful and keep working towards our goals. Or we can give up.
Today in this video, I really want to share with you some ideas I have about how to break through the number one mindset trap that I see people fall into when they fail to achieve their goals. It's the number one thing that holds them back, and today like to help you change that.
Hi, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Brian Grainger. I'm a life coach and a weight loss coach. And I transformed my mindset and my relationship with myself back in 2006. When I did, so, I lost 50 kilos, I maintained that weight loss ever since. And now I help other people change their thinking, change their habits, and reach their goals like losing weight for good, or really anything else they want to achieve. You can check out more of my work and grab my 10 secrets to long term weight loss over at LiveMoreLife.com.au and while you're there, you can also check out the other videos and download the worksheet for this video. You can also find the link to that in the description. The worksheet about creating a desired future. That's what I want to help you do.
So many people fall into this trap. The number one trap that I see is blaming the circumstances. I see so many people fall into blaming the situation... COVID-19, the government, the restrictions, the economy...deciding it's too hard. We say things like, "I'll just wait it out and hope it all goes away, it all blows over". Or we hope that someone else will take care of it for me. Sometimes we think there's no point trying at the moment because I can't do what I normally do.
Sometimes blaming this circumstance means blaming other people. The kids are at home, we've got all these responsibilities. I have to figure out this new technology, I have to learn things. And I have to do things differently to the way I've always done them. Sometimes we just think the world is against us. And I understand that.
When circumstances change, it can feel challenging to adapt. It can feel overwhelming, because we have to do a lot of things different than our normal habitual routines. And that's a lot of work for our brain. Right? It doesn't like doing new things very often. It doesn't like having to work very hard. It likes to do what it's always done. And so sometimes it will seek relief by dropping into the victim role. "It's not my fault". If it's not my fault, then I don't have to take any responsibility for the outcomes. "it's not my fault that I ate all of the chocolates, or that I skipped my exercise workout". It's not my fault that I gained weight during the crisis, or even just over the weekend.
When we give up our responsibility to external things, we give it away. We fall into playing the victim. We also give up our power to change. To make things better, we have to wait until the circumstances change. Until the kids leave home, or I win that million dollars in the lottery or I'm in the perfect relationship or I've already lost all the weight...then I get to do something. Right? We wait for the universe to conspire to make our goals a reality.
Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, calls this 'learned helplessness'. So many of us fall into it. I know I used to. "It's just my genes. I was just big boned. You know, I had no willpower. All of these sorts of things I used to think. The truth is, I was just giving up my responsibility for the things that I could do.
I'd like to offer you this. You are 100% responsible for every result you currently have in your life.
The present you have is the consequence of every decision (either consciously or unconsciously made), that you've made up until now. The present, you have is the consequences of every decision that you've made up until now.
Now, for some people, this is confronting and controversial. You know? It certainly was once for me. I didn't like that idea of having to look at myself in the mirror and go, "Yeah, I did this to me". But remember, you also did all of the good, as well as all of the bad.
And when we step into this realisation, we recognise the truth of it, it becomes awesome. Because then we remember that, actually, I created all of it. I made those choices. Which means I have the power to choose differently. I can change anything I want to. You can to.
Taking responsibility shifts you back into the ownership of your life. And you remember that you can make new decisions. You can do things differently. That you can change. It's actually awesome.
You are always creating your future. All of our future is simply the present moment lined up. Every step you take, every action, either leads you towards your goals or away from them. So, what do you want? Is what you're doing moving you towards the future you want to be living? If not, are you willing to change to do something different?
Now, of course, this will take some effort. You know, remember I said before, that our brains want to get out of having to make efforts, to do things differently. That's why it dropped into the victim mode. But the good news I have for you is that the actual effort I'm talking about is actually not very much more than what you're already doing. And I've created today's worksheet to help you through the steps. So make sure you download that link.
Then to start with, it's actually a little bit of fun, a little bit of fantasy. I would actually encourage you to write out your responses, completing the statement...My life would be better if..... My life would be better if I lost 6 kilos. I moved more.
Now I really want to encourage you to just let your mind flow. Just get all of the answers out here. Now there'll be some obvious things - my life would be better if COVID-19 hadn't happened, well, we can't go change the past. Maybe my life would be better if I won a million dollars or $10 million - Okay, let's put those down there. Keep going, what else? My life would be better if I did this differently, if I made this choice. If I had this result, if I had this outcome. Really give yourself a moment to just let it all out. And just notice the difference between how you want your life to be and how it is. There's no right or wrong. So don't judge them. You won't get them wrong. Don't worry about how practical it is or not. Just write them all down.
Then take a moment to consider... what would you do if you already had all of those things? You had everything that you wanted? You'd already lost all of the weight or you're wearing the clothes that you want to wear? You already loved your body and your appearance and your confidence? What would your life be like? How would it be different? How would you feel? If you already had made all of these changes? What would you be doing differently? Write those things down.
And I want you to notice that those feelings, and probably many of those actions, are available to you right now. Chances are, if you just really did think about them and write them down, you probably just experienced them by creating them in your mind.
We don't have to get to the outcome, to wait for our life to be better. We can actually start to make it better, from that place, now. Remember, you are creating your future right now.
So creating a new future simply means redirecting some of your resources, your thoughts, your energy, your focus, maybe finances, from things that you are currently spending them on, that are getting you your current results, towards different things that would move you towards your desired results. Just a little redirection of your existing results. And all that takes is the conscious thought. That, in fact, that decision is the extra effort that I was talking about.
So what items in your desired future list are you willing to take responsibility for obtaining? Remember, you don't have to do them all at once. You get to set the time schedule. You can do it one step at a time. All it requires to make a new future is to make one different choice, and then another, and then another. You really can do this one small step at a time.
Sometimes it's helpful (I think always it's helpful) to remind yourself why it matters that you succeed. I've left space for you to write that down. Why do you care about getting the result? Why do you want it Why is it important to you? What difference will it make in your life?
Is your reason compelling? does it drive you to want to take action? And if not, keep asking, why does it matter? What difference will it make? Why do I want that in my life? What will it allow? Until you find your compelling reason? Stay in touch with your why. Keep it close by. That will help you fuel the change. When your brain has to make that new decision, it will naturally want to go back to the old decision to keep doing what you've always done. So that's we have to stay close by to your why. And go "Oh, yes, this is why I'm making this new decision". Right? That's what I'm doing now.
So you've looked at what you want, you've decided what you're willing to take responsibility for and you've decided why it matters. The next step is actually to write down all of the actions that you could be taking - skills, you could develop, choices you make differently - to move towards that desired result.
You know, if you're ready to step into responsibility, then actually schedule when you're going to do that thing. You could start right now. What are you going to do? What steps will you take? When will you do them?
Along the way, I recognise that there are challenges that come up. So I put an extra page in the worksheet this week to help you anticipate any challenges or obstacles that might get in your way. After all, something has been stopping you already from achieving that desired result. What is it?
Think about it ahead of time. One of the best ways to move past obstacles is to decide in advance what you will do the next time that anticipated a challenge comes up. So I really do encourage you to take some time and think about when this happens... Or if, if the old part of my brain wants to keep doing this...instead, I will do that. Right? Decide in advance what you will and won't do.
And as you do that, as you generate possible solutions ahead of times, then you get to try them out. You get to keep making conscious decisions. You get to take deliberate action, instead of just unconscious default, old action. They might be some in unanticipated challenges. You know, who could have foreseen COVID-19? Here's the thing, though, if it wasn't that, there had been something else, there was probably already something standing in front of you and your goals. Life always gives us challenges. That's the beauty of the human experience is overcoming those challenges that makes life meaningful.
So doing this practice of anticipating your challenges, coming up with solutions, of committing to making deliberate choices by stepping into responsibility. This then trains your brain (right?) to remember that we are the owners of our life. That we are practised stepping into responsibility for creating our results. Remember that we're always doing it anyway. And it means that we no longer have to fall into the victim mode. We no longer have to give up our power to anything else. We can choose deliberately to create our desired future, no matter what.
So don't forget to complete and download the worksheet. And remember that if you need help taking ownership of your choices, or overcoming your challenges, then let's have a conversation. Head to LiveMoreLife.com.au and request a free consultation. Chatting with a coach can be a great way to help you discover the thinking habits, the way you fall into victim mode, that you're not aware of yet. You're too close to it...it's just happening. And you also get to draw on my experience of helping people change those habits.
You really can have the life and the results you want. No matter what. The only question is, will you take ownership and responsibility for actually creating it?
If this has been helpful for you, give me a like, give me a heart. Give me a reaction. And if you are watching on YouTube or on my video blog, make sure you hit subscribe, so you get notified of every new video. And of course, if you know someone who could be helped by seeing this video, please share the link or tag them in the comments. I want to help as many people as possible, especially right now when I think we need it more than ever.
Otherwise, let me know in the comments, what decisions are you taking responsibility for? And what actions will you take towards your desired future, next? I'd love to know, so please let me know in the comments, and reach out if you need a hand.
Otherwise, I hope you had a delightful Easter. I hope you are looking after yourself and hope you're ready to create the life you want. Have an amazing rest of your day. And I look forward to talking with you again very soon. Bye for now.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
After losing my 50 kg I've made it my mission to help others transform their minds, overcome emotional eating and create the life they want to be living.