#64 Default vs desired routines

Unexpected Events reveal the difference between our 'normal' habits and our 'default' habits.
​But what about your DESIRED habits? Are you practising those? 
In this video help you choose the habits that actually keep you moving towards your goals.

Download the Worksheet here: https://livemorelife.kartra.com/page/64ws 
Transcript
The wonderful thing about unexpected events, unplanned changes, or any other disruption is that it reveals to us the difference between our 'normal' routines, and our default routines. Today in this video, I 

want to help you make the deliberate choice between these two. And also to help you create and practice your desired routines - the ones that you want to be creating in your life. The ones that actually move you forward towards your goals and your dreams, instead of away from them.
 
Hi, for those that don't know me, my name is Brian Grainger. I'm a life coach and a weight loss coach and I transformed my routines (and transformed my relationship with myself) back in 2006. And I kind of still change my routines all the time. When I did so, I lost 50 kilos. And I've maintained that loss ever since. And now I help other people transform their thinking, change their habits, and reach their goals, like losing weight for life, or anything else they want to achieve. You can check out my work at LiveMoreLife.com.au. And while you're there, you can also check out my other videos like number 61, Managing life's challenges, as well as last week's video number 62 [edit: the videos are #62 and #63], separating the Facts from the Drama. I think they're both very relevant at the moment. Of course, you can also grab the worksheet for today's video. You can find that link in the description as well.
 
So here's what's happening for lots of people. When the primitive parts of our brain feels frightened, or feels threatened, it tends to shut down. It shuts down our higher order thinking and it goes into survival mode. It thinks that we are threatened. And many of you may have noticed yourself feeling more stressed or more panicked, more isolated or separated than normal. This is your brain, noticing the changed situation and getting cues from others, like our peers or from friends or family or community or even from our past, about what to think and do about it.
 
Sometimes, it will catastrophise. it thinks the world is going to end. Our survival or our serenity, or our status feels threatened, you know, the familiarity of our normal routine, our normal lives. And so our brain will seek out the familiarity it knows by going to our most practised habits. We'll seek pleasure, avoid pain and conserve energy. You notice any of that?
 
Maybe you've been stocking up on extra food and then eating it. Maybe you've been reverting to some old unhealthy habits. Maybe you're having more time available, and yet doing less. Getting lost or stuck in rumination or procrastination or worry. What old habits have you reverted to? What default routines have reappeared in your life? What has increased?
 
And are there any habits you let go of? Are there good habits that you've stopped doing during this time? If there is, simply having this awareness gives us the opportunity to revise and examine what's going on in our life, and what's not? It gives us the chance to ask, what is my normal routine? What do I do in my normal life? How am I responding to the difference? Right?
 
What is my normal routine? What would I normally be doing in my normal life? And if there's been disruption, what am I doing now in the difference? What are my default routines? What has been my unconscious or automatic response when my normal routines have been disrupted. What do I go to?
 
Once you've thought about that it's also important to consider something even more, more important, I guess. What are my desired routines? How do I want to be living? What do I want to be doing? Are you actually living those? How close are you to living your desired routines right now? What healthy habits have you maintained or created during this time? It's an opportunity, right?
 
So, take a moment to make a list of these. And if you're on the worksheet, there's pages to do this. What am I doing now that's working for me? What am I doing now that's working against me, is working away from the goals that I have. Once you can see these they're no longer automatic. They're no longer habits. There's a choice. So you can ask, what do I want to keep doing? And what do I want to change? You get to decide.
 
Remember that all of the actions we're taking, all the emotions we're feeling are coming from our thinking. From what we're believing about ourselves and our capabilities, our capacity in the current situation. Now be aware this will also show up in our imagined future. So watch out for what your thinking  might happen as well.
 
Let me ask you this....What are you currently believing about yourself? What feelings does that belief evoke for you? What actions does it drive? You know, if you feel like you can't cope, then you're probably going to feel overwhelmed. Your brain will try and protect you by shutting down and doing nothing or by filling your time with unproductive activities. Maybe you're binge watching Netflix or scrolling social media. Of course, that means that you aren't getting the important things done, that you want in your life. And you're reinforcing the idea that you're overwhelmed and you can't cope. Notice your brain tries to protect you, but then ultimately proves you true, that you are overwhelmed that you're not coping.
 
And of course, when we realise these things about ourselves, sometimes we can get trapped by thinking that we shouldn't have those thoughts. We shouldn't believe those things. We shouldn't feel how you feel. And that's a lot you should. Watch out for that trap. Don't fall into it, because how do we know you should be thinking those things, you should believe in those things? You should be feeling that way? Because you do.
 
It's okay. Nothing has gone wrong. It's just the automatic choice that your brain is most practised. And of course, it's just offered it to you as the first solution. It doesn't have to be the only solution. You also don't have to believe it. You have to take your brain up on that offer.
 
Notice that resisting your thoughts and beliefs, or feelings, judging yourself for having them, never leads to progress. It leaves us trapped. It leaves us hopeless. Leave us powerless. We just feel like we're not good enough. We can't do it. It's too hard.
 
So instead, try and meet them with understanding and compassion. Ask, how is this thought or a belief true for me? Why do I think this is the way it is at the moment? What if it's okay, if I thought that? What if it's okay, if I actually feel the way I feel? I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. What if it's ok to feel that. Or if you're feeling a bit scared or frightened, what if that's okay? Can you come to acceptance of the emotion. Can you just go…oh I'm a human having this feeling - not because of the situation - but because of my thoughts about the situation. So of course, I'm feeling this way, because of what I'm thinking. Nothing's going wrong.
 
And here's what you want to do. This is the part that we don't normally do. Our brains don't normally do this part. So you have to ask it...What else is possible? What else might be true in this situation? What is the opportunity here? And what does this situation, this change of circumstance allow for, that wasn't previously available?
 
What beliefs are useful for me to keep here? Right? You don't have to keep believing them. You can notice that your brain offers them. You don't have to accept them. You can go hmm, actually, brain, do you know what? I got time. I can do things. This is an opportunity for doing things maybe I've always wanted to. Read that book. Learn a new skill. Practice a craft. Do some work that I've been putting off.
 
Of course, I can still look after myself here. Of course, I can still care for myself. Of course I can still eat healthily and move healthily. I can have compassion. I'm doing this, this change of circumstances to protect my health and well being. So could I do that? I don't have to give it up.
 
So really do have a think about...What beliefs do you want to keep? Which will be useful for you in moving you forward? And that lets you come up with what I call the Belief Plan. I learned this from my coach. And it's a set of thoughts that you decide to keep and believe about yourself and practice, on purpose. No one can tell you they're wrong. You get to choose them.
 
I encourage you to write them down, make a list. Now of course, if you have last week's worksheet from the facts versus drama video, then you'll have a list of thoughts that are the "thoughts I want to keep". That can be a great basis, the foundation of this belief plan. Of course, if you don't have that worksheet, go check that out at LiveMoreLife.com.au So grab that one, or grab this week's worksheet, there's another space there to start creating my belief plan. The thought I want to keep.
 
And what I want you to do is write them out and put them somewhere where you'll see them where you can access them regularly. The trick here, of course, is not just to read them or say them aloud like a mantra. But with each one, you want to connect with the energy, the feeling that they create in your body. Really check it in when I [when I] read that thought, and I believe it...I believe that, on purpose, then what is the emotion that's created? Is it the one that I'm wanting to create here?
 
If not, consider alternate thoughts. Rewrite it. Try out a few more different versions until you can generate the feeling that you want. Capable, calm confident, certain these are much more useful.
 
If you are already feeling it, when you read that thought, get connected with the energy. Then you really want to consider, while you're feeling it, what actions could I take? What could I do more of in my life? What could I do differently than what I have been doing? And again, make a list. Make a list of all the actions that you could be doing while you're feeling that energy. Then, of course, just choose one. Take action and do it.
 
I want you to notice that when you've chosen a thought deliberately - you've gotten into the feeling the way you want to feel - and you're committed and doing an action that leads you towards your goals....this is also called
 
Living your desired Life.
 
You could be living your desired life right now. Remember, achieving our goals, having our outcomes is simply the accumulation of all the little choices we're making along the way. Until we switch from where we have been to where we want to be. It's available to you right now. So, are you living your desired life? If not, can you do the exercises, follow the worksheet, and start living it today?
 
Of course, if you need help creating more of your desired life - maybe you're struggling with those default habits, where you're not sure what beliefs would serve you better, that would move you forward - then let's have a conversation. Head to LiveMoreLife.com.au and request a free consultation. You know, chatting with a coach like me can be a great way to help you discover the habits that you can't even see. You're too close to them. You think that's just the way it is. And of course, you get the opportunity to draw on my experience of helping people go about adjusting their habits. I want you to know you really can have the life and the results that you really want.
 
So take away from this video that if you understand your current routines, you consider realistic alternatives, you get to decide what is useful for you. You do that by creating a belief plan, stepping into the chosen belief, feeling that desired energy and taking action. So I'd love you let me know, in the comments...What will you do?
 
If this video has been helpful for you give me a like, give me a heart, a reaction. If you're watching on YouTube or on my video blog don't forget to subscribe. And of course, if you know anyone else who might be helped by watching this video, please tag them in the comments or send them the link.
 
In particular at this time, many of us need the help. So please reach out for it, if you do. It's a great opportunity for us to come together, to grow stronger, to move closer to our goals. You really can live your desired life. For now, I hope this has been helpful.
 
Have an amazing day. And I'll talk to you soon. Bye for now.
 
Transcribed by https://otter.ai