#63 Facts vs Drama

Ever feel like there's too much Drama in the world? 😱
Is it stopping you from reaching your goals or living your best life?
Our brains love excuses. That's why, in this video I discuss getting on with making the life you want by separating your Facts from your Drama.
Get the Worksheet here: https://livemorelife.kartra.com/page/63ws

Transcript
There's facts, and there's drama. So often, we get caught up in the drama of our lives, you know? From those little everyday events, like a partner or a family member saying or doing something that you don't think they should have, or the larger events in our communities and in our world, like the current 

changing ​of plans and limitations on social gatherings as a precautionary measure to lower the risk and spread of COVID-19.
 
We live out our lives through automatic reactions and unconscious responses to those situations in our life. We fall into habitual thinking, habitual feelings, and habitual actions. The result is the life we have. The world either becomes full of opportunity and hope and possibility. Or it becomes scary and restrictive and isolating. We think it's just the truth, or it's just the way it is. But it's just an interpretation. It's just one interpretation.
 
The good news is we're always seeing the world through our own set of filters. We have a cognitive bias, and our brain will go looking for evidence that what we believe to be true, is true. And because it goes looking for that evidence, it will then reinforce the belief when it finds it. See, it must be true. Meanwhile, our brain is politely or otherwise ignoring or dismissing any evidence to the contrary.
 
We, unconsciously or consciously, create the experience of living our life. It's easy to see, you know. How do I know this? Well, you can see it when we look at different people, in the same situation, having different responses. You know, one person's chaos is another person's calm. One person's devastation is another person's blessing. Maybe you interpret someone's behaviour, something they said or did as infuriating as others might find it mildly amusing, or annoying or admiring or adoring.
 
There's probably times, if you think about it, in your life where you've chosen a different reaction at a different time to the same situation. One time, it was fine, another time, not so fine. Something you used to love become something you're annoyed by. Right?
 
So if there's drama or chaos going on in your life at the moment, if you're watching that live, you might be caught up in the disruption of the COVID-19 social distancing or you might have some other drama, disruption going on in your life. If that's true, then I want to help you to keep making progress towards your goals. The disruption or the drama is never a reason to stop. Despite the fact that our brain loves to use it as an excuse.
 
Hi, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Brian Grainger. I'm a life coach and a weight loss coach. And I transformed my relationship with myself in 2006. When I did so I lost 50 kilos. And I've maintained that weight loss ever since through all sorts of drama in my life. And now I help other people transform their thinking, change their habits and reach their goals, no matter what's going on. So whether that's losing weight, or anything else you want to achieve. You can check out my work and grab my 10 secrets to long term weight loss over at LiveMoreLife.com.au - While you're there, you might also want to check out my other videos like last week's video number 62. on managing life's challenges, I think it's really relevant at the moment. And don't forget to grab the facts versus drama worksheet that I've prepared for today's video. You can find that link to that worksheet also in the description.
 
When you're feeling troubled, for whatever reason, I think it's helpful to try and separate out the facts from the drama, so that you can get a clear picture of what are the actual choices that you're making. And therefore the reality that you're creating. Becoming aware of our cognitive biases, becoming aware of our automatic reactions and responses, helps us bring it back to a place where we can make a choice about it again. We can choose to keep it we can choose to change it, on purpose.
 
So how do we do that? Well, I've got a series of questions that I like to use. So grab a piece of paper, or grab the worksheet if you've already got it. And the first thing I want you to do is just to write out on a piece of paper for yourself, what's going on? Whatever comes to you as it comes to you in your mind about the situation or about the drama or about the event, just write it all down. I want you to note that this is just your story about what's going on. It's the interpretation that your brain has been making.
 
So when you're doing this, watch out for the temptation to stop or to edit, to judge your story, to try and make it look better. No, no, just let's get it out of your brain. We call this a thought download. Let's just get it onto paper. So get all the thoughts, exactly as petty or as mean or as brutally honest, however you want to put it. Just get it all out. Just get exactly what you're thinking and feeling. Write out your story. There's no wrong right you get tell them your story. No one can tell you different.
 
As you do that, as you write out your story, about everything that's going on. You've probably noticed you have lots of feelings coming up. When you're believing and experiencing this version of your story, have a look at what are the predominating feelings that you are having? How does it feel to have and live this story?
 
Now, I love that this is also an example of how our thoughts make our feelings. Right? Just by writing them out, by saying them out, by putting them down on paper you recreate them in your mind - so you get in touch with those feelings. And I also want you to remember that there's nothing wrong with being where you are. Feeling however you feel. You're a human having a human reaction. Everything is working exactly the way it should. Nothing bad is happening just because you're having a feeling or some feelings. You are not wrong. You shouldn't not be having them. They're the ones you're having.
 
Okay, so once you've done that, we're then going to start to separate it out. And the first thing to do is go back and read over the story. Once you've written the story, written any feelings, go back and isolate or just pick out the facts or them down on a new page. So imagine if there was security footage or recording of some description of the event. What exactly would we see? What exactly would we hear? What was exactly said or done? When you do that, you'll probably find that there's actually less facts than you think. So if you're quoting someone, write down the exact words they said, not what you made it mean, just their exact words. If they did something, exactly the action that they took. Not, again, not what you made it mean.
 
Because the 'what you make it mean part' - everything else - it's simply your thoughts. It's your brains opinion. The thought, or a series of thoughts, that your brain has offered you. And probably done so without much consideration. It's just the first thing, that habitual response that comes up and you run with it. That's okay. That's what brains do, perfectly normal. The thing to remember, of course, though, that these thoughts are optional. And I want you to notice that they're coming from you. From your thinking, from your interpretation of event, not the situation or the event. You're creating them.
 
That's fun, too, because now we get to decide. Right? You could go through your story, and I would encourage you (I put a page there in the worksheet) to just write out your thoughts, one phrase at a time. One phrase per line, for instance, just do one phrase. Now I say one phrase instead of one sentence because sometimes we put a couple of phrases together in a sentence or start to combine them. And they can have different thoughts and different reactions. So just write down each thought or each phrase on one line each.
 
I'll give you an example of some of the ones I've been hearing lately... "People shouldn't panic buy. Especially toilet paper. These restrictions aren't fair. The world has gone crazy. I don't get to do the things I want. That was mean". Just write them down.  Notice that all of those are just opinions. It's just an option that your brain has given you. That you've decided to think and believe and attach meaning to at this time.
 
So once you've gone through your story and picked out the key phrases - the story that you've made about the situation - then I want you to do is just to take each of those phrases in isolation. And ask, "When I'm believing this phrase, this thought, how do I feel? Write that down. Happy, sad, glad, mad.
 
Notice, the way each of these thoughts might either reinforce a previous feeling or might create a new feeling. Remember before, I asked you to give the overall feeling of the situation. The way it all builds up and accumulates. Interestingly, [we feel that we] if we think lots of thoughts that individually create distress, or alarm or scarcity or fear, or resentment, or anger or frustration, then that's how we'll end up interpreting the whole thing.
 
So really, just pay attention to each one individually and just see how they're all adding up to your current interpretation. Is there a pattern? Is there a theme? Is there a trend amongst the feelings? That's why you're feeling the way you're feeling overall, the thoughts you're having, not the event.
 
Once you can see that, then it's really helpful to ask, "Well, is it helpful?" Is it serving me to keep choosing these thoughts? Is it serving the experience of my life that I'm wanting to create? Is it moving me towards the experience of my life that I want to have? If so great, keep it! If not, remember, it's optional, so it's worth exploring what else might be possible for you.
 
So in the next couple of pages, I encourage you to try some new thoughts. What else might be possible here? What other interpretation could I choose that gives me a different feeling, that moves helps me move forward in a different way? What might someone else think in this situation? With each as you write them out (and remember there's no wrong or right ones - no one can tell you what to think - you get to decide), but have a play with them. Right?
 
Check - When I think this am I connecting to it? Am I believing it? How do I feel when I'm thinking or believing this thought? Is it different? Now, when we're finding thoughts that we like, that actually work for us better, sometimes we have to try on lots of different ones You might need 5, 10, 50, 100 different thoughts until you find the ones that really do work for you. So it's worth having a play here. You want to try them on like different pieces of clothing, right? You want to find the right cut, the right size, the right fit. You might think of it as trying on roles in a play, particularly [if you're having a] if you're wanting to have a different response than you've had previously. So how might I act? What could I think that leads me to act that way? Remember, there's no right or wrong. They're just thoughts.
 
And what you're looking for is ones that sit more comfortably for you, that give you more of the experience that you're actually looking to create. Right? Now, that is not to say you should never choose so called negative emotions or negative experiences. You know. Keep in mind that sometimes we want to have things that feel bad, in our lives. You know, if [we've] something traumatic has happened, we've had some loss or something like that, we've been aggrieved, then we want to feel and experience that loss that grief. And that's okay. We want to welcome the full range of human emotions. Sometimes they're useful for us. And sometimes we just get caught up in the drama.
 
So I'm hoping in this process that you will start to see... where am I creating this unwanted experience in my life? And recognise that you have the power to change that interpretation, to put different filters on, if you like. To change your experience and move yourself forward. So I encourage you to go and circle any of the thoughts that really do work for you, that do move you forward, that give you the experience that you want. And then actually go and experience them. Try them on, think them on purpose for a day or two, try them out and see what shifts. Go and live them.
 
And then, when you do, if they do give you the experience that you want, if you do find it more useful, I've given you one last page there to start writing out the thoughts that you want to keep. The ones you want to think on purpose. These are the ones that you want to keep and have in your life. That enrich the experience of your life. I encourage you to put this list somewhere where you'll see them. Maybe it's on the bedside table, or in the bathroom in the mirror, on the fridge perhaps? Somewhere where you'll see them regularly.
 
And then, as you do, don't just read them like an affirmation. Really actually connect with the emotion that arises from that one, that certainty or calmness or confidence, or the feeling of capable or determined, the feeling of or a possibility or hope. Connect to those, to love and compassion and understanding. Look for those, if they move you forward, keep them, practice them, and then practice living into them on purpose. Remember, I said at the start of this video, that so much of our life is in unconscious reaction. And that's just a habit that we've built up over time. So if you want your life to be different, you do actually have to practice getting into that new frame of mind, the new thinking, the new feelings by practising them on purpose.
 
Good news is, you're totally capable of doing that. You made the ones you already have. So with practice, you'll find that you'll actually be able to do this exercise, kind of effectively completing this worksheet, even instantaneously, in just a few seconds, in your mind. Yes, it will take a little while the first time or two you do it, you might need 10 minutes or so to write it all out. But with practice, with habit, you get to make it easier and easier and faster. You can start to interrupt the unhelpful drama when it comes up.
 
Which means you get to direct your brain. You get to decide, "oh, wait, hang on, I'm onto you brain... that's just drama, it's not the facts". What do I want to think about this? What is the experience of my life that I want to create? Then you get to create it.
 
So be willing to ask questions of your brain. Be willing to meet your current current thinking with compassion and with curiosity and with understanding, and choose what it is helpful for you to think and feel, on purpose. Remember, loving yourself in any situation is always an option. And as Marie Forleo one of my inspiring mentors says, "Everything is figureoutable".
 
 So if this has been helpful for you, make sure you give me a like, give me a heart give me a reaction. And if you're watching on YouTube or on my video blog, don't forget to subscribe. And let me know in the comments what you think. If you do know someone who might be helped by seeing this video by having the information by getting the worksheet then please send them the link, tag them in the comments.
 
And of course, if you need more help separating out the drama from the facts, or finding the thoughts that actually move you forward into your life and practising living them, then let's have a conversation. That's one of the great powers of having a coach on your side. Remember, you can head to LiveMoreLife.com.au and request a free consultation. I'd love to talk with you.
 
For now, let me know in the comments, what will you question this week? What drama Will you reinterpret?
 
While you're at it, remember these facts: You are amazing. You get to choose what works for you. You can do it no matter what.
 
Have a great week. I'll talk with you soon. Bye for now.
 
Transcribed by https://otter.ai