#62 Managing Life's Challenges

Ever feel like it's all too much, or too hard?
Yep, Life Happens. In this video I discuss 3 strategies I use to help myself (and my clients) overcome overwhelm and get on with creating (and living) our best life.

Download the Overcome Overwhelm worksheet here: https://livemorelife.kartra.com/page/62ws

Transcript
Life happens. Sometimes things will feel easy. Sometimes things will feel challenging. I think the experience of being human is to have the full range of human emotions. You know, sometimes things that feel good, sometimes things don't.

I think the invitation of being human is to have a truly lived experience and experience at all. And today, I want to ask you, are you embracing it? Or are you resisting it?
 
You know, I see so many of my clients going along well, making healthy changes to the habits, making progress. And then something happens. There's a life event or a trauma. You know, it might be relationship breakdown or work or family drama. It might be financial pressure, it might be illness, injury.  Might be taking on responsibilities, stepping into a new position, maybe just caring for the needs of others.
 
And truth is that happens to all of us in life. We have all of these things that happen. What I see happening for my clients is that they get overwhelmed. And suddenly everything stops. You know, they get into thinking it's 'too much', or it's 'too hard'. And then success, or even progress, in many cases, goes back to becoming impossible. And so often, in that moment, they return to old, unhealthy habits, old forms of self sabotage.
 
And our brain does this because those things are familiar. You know, the brain shuts down our conscious thinking and goes back into survival mode. Just doing what it's always done. Just doing what it knows best. You know, these are the habits that the most familiar, they're the most comfortable. We've practised them. Even if they're not really comfortable, sometimes they're even uncomfortable, to do. They're certainly not useful.
 
It's just the things that our brain has practised the most. It's familiar, it doesn't really have to think about it. So it just goes back there by default. Now, that's okay. Nothing's going wrong there. That's just our brain doing what it's supposed to do. It is trying to keep us alive. And it isn't the only way to go about it.
 
Today, I really want to share [you] with you some tools that I use, so that I can I personally can overcome overwhelm, and I can help my clients overcome their overwhelm. Get back into creating more of the life that we want to be a living. You really can keep moving forward.
 
Before we get to that, I'd like to ask you though...What has been your default reaction to challenging situations and circumstances in your life? What do you normally practice? Do you argue with reality? Do you think things like 'it shouldn't be happening'? 'It's wrong'? 'It's not fair'? Do you get into blame - either yourself or the person, the situation? Blaming the universe? Do you avoid? Do you buffer? Do you shut down? Do you find yourself self sabotaging with old, unhelpful unhealthy habits? You know, 'someone said something mean to me and I felt bad' and so now I'm back in the fridge or in the cupboard. Maybe you simply drop yourself down the priority list. You let go of your healthy habits or simply put your health and well being efforts aside. 'I can't do it now, I have to do all this other stuff'.
 
What if that's not true? What if you can manage your situations and get through the challenges and look after yourself at the same time? That's what I'd like to offer you today. And as I said, I'm going to give you three tools, three ideas, three ways of thinking and looking at things that I find really helpful.
 
I guess before we do, I should introduce myself Hi, I'm Brian. For those who don't know me, I'm a life coach and a weight loss coach and I transformed my relationship with myself in 2006. And when I did, so, I lost 50 kilos. I've maintained that 50 kilo loss ever since. And now I help other people, transform their thinking, change their habits and reach their goals, like losing weight for good, or really anything else they want to achieve. If you want to check out more of my work, you can head to LiveMoreLife.com.au and grab my 10 secrets for long term weight loss. You can also check out my other videos while you're there, and hey, while you're there you might also want to download the Overcome Overwhelm Worksheet for today's video. If that's an issue in your life I think this worksheet will really help you through. You can find that link in the description, or at LiveMoreLife.com.au
 
So let's share these three tools with you today. The three thoughts that I found really useful to help me and my clients pass through challenging situations in their life and to keep moving forward, to keep growing, keep developing, keep learning, gaining new skills and new capacity.
 
Alright, this one actually comes from Byron Katie, one of my great teachers, and I'm so thankful that I found her work and that I've understood this concept. It works so beautifully in my life and she says, "everything happens for you, not to you, perfectly and right on time. You don't have to like it, it's just easier if you do". And I love this idea that everything happens for us. Everything here really is a gift, to help us level up, to help us grow, to help us become a more complete and more whole human being.
 
Now often, don't get me wrong, I'll come to a situation I'm feeling overwhelmed or I'm feeling stressed, or I'm feeling anxious, or I'm feeling upset or angry... and I don't always immediately understand how it's for me. You know, sometimes I question like "Why is this here? Why is like, why is this happening to me", right? Classic victim thinking.
 
But I always love trusting in the belief that this is here, for me. Even if I don't understand how or why at this moment. And it lets me just, lets my brain release, and let me just start to explore other possibilities. I can just trust that it's there. You know, I often find that our biggest areas of growth in life, the times when I've really levelled up and moved forward, really created powerful change in my life, have often stemmed or come out of, the most difficult or challenging times in my life. Without fail, every difficult situation has helped me become more the person I am today, has helped me grow. Overcoming that has improved my life. So I'm grateful for having had all the challenges all of the unpleasant times happened in my life. They've led me to here.
 
So to help you in this situation, I like to ask these questions too like, "how are you feeling about this challenge?" And by the way, if you're a person who doesn't really have any challenges in your life at the moment, how are you feeling about what's good in your life? Let's get conscious of how we're actually feeling. And then I want you to notice, then are you allowing that feeling? Are you welcoming it in? Or are you resisting it?
 
It's amazing how often even the good things in our life we resist. We think they shouldn't be happening or we don't deserve them, it can't be real. It's kind of all going to fall apart eventually - things like that. Can we just allow our success? Can we allow the challenges? Can we go yeah, I'm upset or I'm angry, I'm confused, or I'm insecure. Can I allow that at the moment? What is it here to offer me to teach?
 
Once you've acknowledged how you feel - and by the way, if you're doing the worksheet, I've made space for you to write down all of the challenges, all the things that are going on in your life. It's sometimes very, very helpful to get it out of your head and get it onto paper. Right? One of the reasons why we feel so overwhelmed is because our brain can only hold so many pieces of information. It can really only pay attention to about four things at a time. And so, if you've got a lot going on, it can all be swimming around in there. That's why I often feel like we get overwhelmed or we can't handle it, it feels like it's too much. Because our brains trying too hard, so hard to process everything. To keep it all the balls juggling in the air. I offer for you that simply just getting it out, putting it on paper, often really gives you a sense of relief. You're like, oh, okay, here are the things, I don't have to think about them all and I don't have to keep them all in my brain. They're right here on a piece of paper, in front of me. So really get them out. Just that alone can often really help.
 
Notice how you're feeling about them. So I would encourage you write down the feeling. What's the primary feeling about this? I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm frustrated. I'm worried, I'm anxious. What is it? Let's put it in there.
 
And once you've, once you can see it you also get to ask yourself... Well, how do I want to feel? Right? If I've had some grief or some trauma or some loss, do I want to feel sadness about that? Well, yes, I do. It's a sign that I really care. It's a sign that it was meaningful, important. I want to feel sad about that. If I've got something like a medical appointment coming up or an issue or an illness or something like that, I'm worried about a diagnosis or prognosis, then you might go, Okay, I feel really worried. I feel really anxious, I'm concerned. Then you might ask, well, do I want to feel that? is it helping me? Is it serving me? Right?
 
And then whatever it is, you're feeling, right? Do this next level thing and ask yourself... Well, how do I want to feel about feeling that? This is where we so often get into trouble. Where we start judging the feelings that we're actually having. Oh, I shouldn't feel anger. I shouldn't feel worried. I shouldn't feel nervous. I shouldn't feel sad. I should be better. I should be stronger. I should do things differently. Really, just, I invite you to, can you let that go? Drop the judgement about how you're feeling and just go this is what I'm feeling. It's here to tell me something. Feelings are a guide to our thinking. They're indicators, they're like the traffic signals of our life that kind of tell us when to slow down, to stop, to pause, to go forward. So can you just pay attention and notice? Just allow it to be there and really feel it wholly and completely?
 
And then have a look at well, do I want to feel that way? If not, what do I want to feel instead? Watch out for it. Do I like my reasons for feeling how I'm feeling? And then is it useful for me to keep it? If it is stop fighting it. Allow it in. What happens is you'll find that if you allow in emotions, our brain actually processes them. When we can understand them. We can go Yep, this is important. It's here for a reason. I'm going to allow them in a welcome it in. It really is kind of an opening up to it. Then what you notice is it passes more quickly. When we try and fight it and we resist it we push against it and think it shouldn't be there, then we kind of just re-go-over it again and again and again. In our minds, we get trapped, we get locked in it. We keep recreating that feeling, with the same repetitive thinking. When we can meet it with understanding and compassion. often it lets us go and moves on.
 
So everything happens for you, not to you. Can you open yourself to that possibility? Can you write down what's going on? Notice your feelings, allow them in, stop resisting. Let go of the judgement about it. That's tool number one.
 
Tool number two; I also like to believe that the universe never gives us more than we can handle. The universe never gives you anything more than you can already handle. And the way I like to think about this is you know, sometimes we just can't handle this emotion. It's too much. Right? This idea of overwhelming. It's more than I can handle. But the truth is all of our emotions even overwhelm, shame, embarrassment, concern, anxiety, depression, all of them are created in our brain. You know, the pain, the hurt, like the emotional hurt, trauma, it's happening in our brain, we're remaking it in the moment. It's a physical sensation in our body in response to neuro chemicals being created and released in our brain.
 
Now that sounds very impersonal and scientific, but what I love about it, it reminds us that we are responsible for all of our feelings. And by definition, because we are creating them in our brains with our neurons and our neuro chemicals, we have the capacity to experience them. We're the ones creating. We are the ones having the capacity. So it's never too much. So, if you are feeling overwhelmed, what I'll offer here is to encourage you to notice if you're trying to control things, that aren't in your control.
 
So often, we get this feeling of overwhelm or feel like we're losing control. We feel like we're having these unpleasant emotions, and we're trying to control everything else. We're trying to control the people the situations, the circumstance, the universe, try and go in and, 'if we can just control everything, then we'll feel better'.
 
Byron Katie calls this arguing with reality. She says, and when you argue with reality, you lose. But only 100% of the time. I've always found this to be true. As soon as we starting to think things shouldn't be this way. This isn't the way it should be. It should be different from how it is. We start to argue. We start to fight with reality. And all that happens is we suffer. It doesn't change anything. I mean, I'd be all for it. Like if you can actually go control the world, control other people, control everything successfully and have that work, let's do it, let's make everyone have an amazing life. But we can't, it never works. And all that happens is we feel frustrated and resentful and angry and upset that it's not working. Right? The universe shows us our lack of control of other people and of the situation.
 
What we do have control is ourselves. Our thoughts, our feelings, our responses. How we care for ourselves. Our actions. So on the worksheet, there's space here to write down all of the things - like have a look at all the things are going on - and just ask yourself, "Well, how many of these things are outside of my control?" Can I control what my medical results will come back at? My prognosis or diagnosis will come back as? Probably not right? Can I control what someone else is doing? Not really.
 
So write down all of the things that are outside of your control, that you've been trying to control. And just notice in there - I've given you a space, a little check mark - if you've been spending time and energy and resources and effort trying to control. Now, if you have, notice that nothing's going wrong. That's our brain trying to protect us, trying to keep us safe, trying to control our environment, so we don't have to be stressed or worried or have these other negative emotions. Emotions don't have to be a positive or negative, they can just be, and I invite you to go...well, what if I, just by definition, (like by definition, you wrote these down as outside of my control), so what if you just stop spending that effort? You consciously decided I'm not spending any more energy, effort, time and resources trying to control these things? Just going to allow them to be, and trust part one, I'm going to trust that they're here for me. It's not happening to me.
 
This is particularly useful when you're feeling overwhelm, because then you can also make a list (and I've got another page for this) to write down the things that are within your control. I can control what I think about me, I can control how I care for me. What is within my control? What actually can I do? And I really encourage you to make that list. And if so, write down all the things that are in your control, and maybe just pick one and break them down into individual actions. What are action steps that you actually could take, maybe right now, to move forward? If you weren't trying to do everything? If you just brought it back down to just one thing, what could you realistically, simply, easily do?
 
This idea of just choosing one thing is really powerful, right? And I invite you to give yourself the gift of just doing one thing at a time. In the end, it actually really is all our brains can consciously do. The present is the only time we have to actually live our life. And if we can just do one thing at a time, then pick one that you can do and take action on it. And just go, there's nothing else I should be doing at the moment. There's just this one thing that I can do it. It is realistic, I made it simple, I've made it easy. I will take action on it. Then when that's done, you can mark it off, give it a check mark there. Yes, I've taken action on that. Then you can go what's the next thing? Take action. What's the next thing and take action. And very soon you realise that you can actually take control, you can move forward, you can care for yourself. There's lots of things that are within your control. It's not too much. You can succeed. You can keep moving forward.
 
So, part two, will you give yourself the gift of doing just one thing? The universe doesn't give you more than you can handle ever. What's within your control? What's not? What will you do? What's next?
 
Number three. Tool number three is a reminder that you can choose to love yourself through this situation. Loving yourself is truly always totally available to you. So it's worth asking...If you're in a challenging situation, how would you be looking after yourself?
 
If you truly loved and cared for yourself in this moment? How would you have your own back If you're not sure - it feels a little bit too hard to think about caring for yourself - imagine if you had a friend or family member who was going through a really challenging situation. How would you care for them? And then can you apply that same thing to yourself? Could you just be there be present with yourself? Remind yourself that it's going to be okay, whatever happens, you're able to work through it. This is here for you. It's an opportunity to grow, to develop.
 
Can you have gratitude for everything that you do have? What would you be doing differently? Or what would you stop doing? If you were truly loving yourself through this situation? A great question I find to ask (and I find it useful to try and come up with an answer for) in so many situations in our life, it's a beautiful default question..."What would love do here?" What would love do here? Just asking that you'll probably find that many things start to come to mind. So could you practice that?. Could you try bringing love to every situation, even the challenging ones?
 
I want to remind you today that you are not the result of your experiences. You are the result of what you choose to do with your experiences. You are the creator of your life. So are you embracing your human experience? What will you allow into your life? What feelings would you allow yourself to feel? What will you take action on? How would you love yourself forward, into the If you want?
 
Well, I'd love to hear your experience. If there's a challenge in your life, or if you're feeling some overwhelm, grab the worksheet. Bring yourself some curiosity, some understanding some compassion. And let me know what shifts for you. Notice if you get that sense of relief, just from getting it out of your head. Or if possibilities start to open up for you when you ask 'what would love do?'. That you find the capacity to start moving forward again, by breaking it down into just one small thing. I'd love for you to let me know in the comments.
 
Of course, there's an open invitation if you need more help getting a perspective on your situation or working through a challenge in your life, well then remember that coaching can help. Of course, you can head to LiveMoreLife.com.au and request a free consultation. I'll spend some time with you and we can talk about what's going on. You know, life coaches, we get to help people everyday make decisions, solve their problems, change their habits and create more of the life that they want. I'd like to help you create more of the life you want. So, let's have a conversation. If you like it, you find we're a good fit, we can also talk about continuing to work together if you want to. If not, get some help move on with your life. I'll remind you once again, you are the creator of your life's experience - it's not happening to you.
 
All right. Well, if this has been helpful for you, then give me a like, give me a heart. Give me a reaction. If you're watching on YouTube or on my video blog, and don't forget to subscribe. If you know someone who for whom this would be helpful, then please tag them in the comments. Please share them the link. I want to help as many people as possible and I don't want you to be stuck anymore. I don't want you to feel overwhelmed. I want you to be powerful, to be in charge of your life.
 
I hope this video has been useful for you. Have an amazing day. Remember you've got this. You can absolutely handle it. You can keep moving forward, you keep growing and keep learning. You keep developing new capabilities through your challenges. They're here for you. You have the capacity. You can love yourself through it. I wish you much love and success. And I'll talk to you again soon. Bye for now.
 
Transcribed by https://otter.ai