#61 No Fail Habit Transformation

Your life is the accumulation of your choices and your habits. Are they helping you create the life you want? 
If there's something you'd like to Improve, I discuss changing habits through changing your associations and creating a No Fail Habit list. Watch the full video to learn more.

Download the worksheet here: https://livemorelife.kartra.com/page/61ws

Transcript
Life is the accumulation of all the choices that we've been making. It is the sum total of all of our habits. If that's true, and I think it is, it's worth asking... "Is it adding up to your best life? To the life you really want?"

Now chances are, there are probably some things that you'd like to improve or to make better. That's the human journey. We all have that. And, you know, all of my clients come to me because they're suffering in some way. There's something that they'd like to change or improve or achieve that they haven't yet been able to figure out.
 
You know, some of them have tried all of the diets out there but can't stick to any of them long enough to achieve their ideal weight. Or they find themselves self sabotaging. You know, they have some success, and then they feeling good, they're doing well for a little while, and they backtrack, and then undo all the hard work.
 
All of my clients want to know the HOW. How do I lose weight for life? How do I improve my relationships or my self esteem? How do I make it sustainable? They're looking for the fix, you know, the skill, the technique, the piece of knowledge, that will change everything for them. I want to share my ideas with you.
 
But before I do, I wanted to say a quick Hi, for those of you don't know me, my name is Brian Grainger. I'm a life coach and a weight loss coach, and I transformed my relationship with myself in 2006. When I did so, I lost 50 kilos, and I've maintained that 50 kilo loss ever since. And now I help other people transform their thinking, change their habits and reach their goals, like losing weight for good (or achieving anything else they want).
 
You can check out more of my work and grab my 10 secrets to long term weight loss over at LiveMoreLife.com.au  While you're there, you might also want to check out some of my other videos, or you can grab the worksheet for today's video. By the way, that worksheet also has a link in the description. You can find it there.
 
So, my clients are usually surprised when they come to me with this problem and this issue and they want this quick fix. And I tell them, there's actually nothing that needs to be fixed. Their current life is simply the consequence of their past thinking their past habits. Nothing has actually gone wrong. Everything's actually working perfectly. Now I really want you to think about this in your life. Everything is working perfectly for the system that you have created. No one's forced you. No one's to decided for you. You've created your experience of your life.
 
And so if you want to change something, and we all do, the important things that understand is how have I created my current system? What is the system I'm using? You know, you want to understand how you got here, so that you can recognise it's a choice. And then you get to transform your thinking, so that you can change your habits. And every time I see someone do this, with life changes. Every time I do it for myself, my life changes. And that's what I want to help you do today.
 
So, if you do want to make some changes, you'd like to change the habits in your life, grab a piece of paper or grab the worksheet even better. And take a moment to consider the following and write down your responses. It's really important actually write it down.
 
To start with, you want to ask yourself, "what are the habits in your current life that you want to keep?" What's working well for you right now? Sometimes we don't take any time to acknowledge what's working well, what is helping us, what we have gratitude for in our life for having created.
 
Let's really take a moment and think about all of the habits you have, that actually do serve you. That you want to keep around in life. Doing this part of the exercise is really important because it reminds you that (it reminds all of us, I guess) that we are creating our life. We are powerful, we have the capacity and the ability already to make powerful habits, powerful decisions in our life. So what are the habits that you want to keep? What are you happy to have around?
 
Once you spend some time doing that, then ask yourself, "are there any habits that you'd like to change?" If so write them out, and then I've left space in the worksheet then to [also write them on the left and] on the right hand side, then go through and write out how you'd like them to be. Actually define  for yourself what is the habit that you want it to look like? How does it look now? What do you want it to look like?
 
So for example, you might be someone...This is a really common one. So people often come to me with a habit (and I used to do this to) of "I finish everything on my plate. Even when I'm already full". You know, maybe you grew up with the idea of, you know, 'think of the starving children' and you know, things like that. You know, parents often used out these guilt and, and the fear of missing out to get us to comply to eat everything but it's not always a healthy habit.
 
 So perhaps you've had that, where you have to finish everything on your plate. Even when you're really full. Have you ever noticed that little voice like 'I really don't need any more I'm done'. Yet you still find you know, your arm reaching you just going back for a little bit more than more just gonna finish it off. So perhaps you'd like to change that.
 
So think about how you'd like it to be. Perhaps you'd like that behaviour to instead be eating slower, giving [you time bodied] your body, time to process. Maybe listening to your hunger signals. Perhaps you want the habit of becoming a person who stops when you're comfortably satisfied, no matter how much is left on the plate.
 
Now it's very interesting. I talked about growing up with this idea of having to finish everything and the truth is, like young children who are very in touch with the hunger levels, actually are very good at this. Usually [they we] this is a skill we have, where we go, I'm done. I don't anymore. That in our training and our upbringing, we often are override, we retrain is habit. So for many of us, this is going back to a habit that we used to have. So write it out or any other habits, make a whole list of all the habits you want to change, how you'd like them to be.
 
And then also, I've left a page there to think about, "are there any new habits that you'd like to create?" When I started this journey, there are so many healthy habits I didn't know about or I didn't even think of. I certainly didn't have in any form in my life had to recreate them a new. So you know, perhaps you'd like to be a person who always looks after your physical health, your emotional health, your mental health. Are you doing it now? Is it a habit? Or do you sometimes compromise on one of those three?
 
So if you've got any habits you'd like to create, you'd like to be part of your life that would help you achieve your goals. Write them all out, make a whole list. You don't have to solve them all at once, but having them written down can give you the pathway, give you a focus. It's a plan for what am I going to work on. Keep working on these, I'll be creating the life that I want. So I think it's important.
 
As you're going through these lists of the habits you have, the habits you want, I'll encourage you to also notice that so many of our existing habits we have integrated into our life. That's not in a vacuum. They don't exist alone. We usually find ourselves associating certain habits with either a place, a time, a person, a situation or an emotional state.
 
And so if you've got a habit you want to change, then I've given you five sets of worksheets. So there's two pages for each habit you want to change. So just pick one, write out what the habit is you have now, and then look for the associations that you have. Do I always do it at a certain time, in a certain place, when I'm feeling a certain way, when a certain person is around or not around? Write that down.
 
Also be aware that sometimes it's a habit of thought, which could look something like... when I think {A}, I do {B}. When I have this thought I take this action. Or, it might be the reverse. It might be... I always do thing {X} i take an action, and then I think {Y}. I think a thought about that.
 
And this is where we often get into judgement. This is where we get into self criticism and blame and guilt and regret and remorse and anger and frustration to ourselves. We add a layer of judgement about our  choices, instead of just recognising that we're a human who made a choice. You know? And when we, when we add this layer of criticism and judgement, it kind of just creates more suffering in our world. We feel worse.
 
And it often gets in the way of our transformation, we spend so much time beating ourselves up about it, instead of actually doing something to change it. Instead of reflecting on understanding why we did it or how we've created that habit, or how it has been serving us. Then actively, consciously choosing how we'd like it to be.
 
So watch out for the habitual thinking that comes along with some of your actions. And a good exercise, to help you decide here, is to check in with your thoughts and feelings about each of the habits. So when you notice your habit, particularly ones you already have in your life, especially the ones you want to change...What are your thoughts and feelings about it?
 
Are you enjoying them in anticipation before taking the action. You know, sometimes we think things like, oooh, it'd be really exciting to have that pizza. It'd be really, (for instance, if we're overeating pizza, for instance) that'd be really exciting or I'll miss out, I haven't had it for ages. And so it's got an anticipation. Then you want to ask I am actually enjoying it in the moment? Am I eating and I'm going 'Oh, yeah, this is amazing. I'm really loving it. This is awesome'.
 
I don't know how many times in my life I used to have the anticipation of something and then in the moment, I'd be disappointed. I'd be like, this is not as good as I thought it would be. Or this isn't very nice at all. This doesn't make me feel good and I'm not actually enjoying an experience. And old me used to just go 'Oh well, I have paid for it. I've bought it. I'll have it. I'll just eat it anyway, 'cause I have to eat everything on my plate. So just recognise... Are you actually enjoying it in the moment?
 
So often, I think we think we're enjoying it. We tell us we're going to be enjoying it. Yet when we pay attention. realise we're actually not enjoying in the moment. This is a really important one. Are you enjoying it in anticipation? Are you actually enjoying it the moment? And even if you are, are you enjoying it in retrospect? Do you feel good afterwards? Twenty minutes later, an hour later. The next day, the end of the week, and when the next time you hop on the scales, you know?
 
Are you enjoying the experience in retrospect? Or do you have guilt remorse, regret, anger, frustration? So a 'No' here, in any one of these stages, in anticipation or in the moment, or in retrospect - before during or after - is an indicator that this is a habit to change.
 
So think about is there something you could change about the associations you have with this habit? For instance, if you're a person who always has the sweet treats at night after dinner, whether or not you're hungry - maybe you're just bored, you're watching TV or you feel like you just have to have it to finish the day - something like that. And you know, as you're always doing it, and you're often choosing unhealthy things, a bag of chips, or it's a bowl of ice cream or something that you're doing in excess, that's not serving you.
 
So, just notice, are you always having it in the same place? You know, do you sit on a certain seat on the couch or a certain chair at the table? You know, is it always there in that same situation? Is it mostly at the same time? Are you mostly doing the same thing, like watching TV or you know, scrolling through Facebook, something like that? Just notice your association and go Okay, well, if I want to create a new habit here, I could make a new Association. So if I want to still have a dessert or have a sweet treat, perhaps something healthier, maybe it's going to have a bowl of fruit salad, for instance. But because I'm changing the habit, the choice that I'm making, can I do it in a different location? So if I would normally sit in front of the TV, can I sit at the dinner table? Can I sit in a different chair than I would normally sit in? Can I, you know, go and sit on the back step, just to sit there and like, you know, have my dessert there.
 
That the idea, of course here is it's going to feel very weird. Because your brain is going to think something's wrong, something's different, it's going to feel hard and strange. Your brain is actually rewiring in those moments. So this is really powerful when you're changing a habit because as you practice the new habit, the new choice you want to make in the new location or new associations, your brain rewires makes that connection stronger. And as you practice that one, instead of the old one, the old one gets weaker and weaker. So that's the mechanics of how it changes. So changing your association can be really helpful.
 
The other thing that can be really helpful is to link the behaviour you want, particularly if you're creating a new one from scratch, is to link it to a behaviour we already have. The way I like to talk about that is really the topic for today, it's what I call the NO FAIL habit list. These are the habits that you know you can do confidently and automatically. You don't have to think about them or give them any conscious thought in order to succeed. You know, you can do it, you do it all the time. And make sure that they are ones that you like having in your life, you know, they're on the 'I want to keep them' list.
 
Think about how many automatic habits any no fail habits you already have in your day. You know, might be things like brushing your teeth, having a shower, getting dressed, opening your front door. It might be having breakfast, it might be making a cup of tea, pouring glass of water. These are all things you can probably do automatically. Maybe there's things in your work, or in your chores, or in your day to day life. They're just automatic, that just happen. You don't even have to really give them conscious thought. And if they're helping you, you like having them in your life, these are great one. Give them a tick. [make] Put them on your no fail list.
 
The reason is that you can use these. Because you're doing them already, you can use it as a cue to remind you to practice the new habit. Right? Take a habit, you already have mastery over it, on your no fail list. And by the way, just take a moment to consider how awesome that is. That you have some of these. Remember every single one of these abilities, like walking and writing your name and driving a car, (you know, if you already drive, you probably don't have to think about it much anymore) but at one point in your life, you weren't able to do that.
 
We aren't born knowing how to pour a glass of water, to brush our teeth. We don't have teeth, many of us, at that stage right? All of these skills now require almost no conscious thought. We've trained them enough in our brain. We've done them enough times that it's become automatic.
 
We have the capacity to create any habit we want.
 
So link these two together and make sure they make sense, you know, that it's realistic to do them together. But perhaps you do want to think about that, you know? How can I link the two together? So let's say I want the habit of always going for a walk in the morning. Okay. Okay, so perhaps the change might be to lay my clothes out the night before, with the alarm clock across the room. These are all changes right? You might have a habit of normally reaching and turning off the alarm or hitting the snooze button. So get it out of reach. There's a change, right? Put your exercise clothes on it. So you have to pick them up.
 
Putting your gym clothes or your gym bag or your walking shoes near the jug, if you normally have a cup of tea or a cup of coffee or something first thing in the morning, or putting them outside the bathroom or the shower, so you kind of have to walk past them on the way, right? So if you've got a normal routine, a normal no fail habit that you do - I get up and I go the loo or I have a shower, or I make a cup of coffee. Put the reminder of the new habit right there, wherever that one is. So we linked them together. We're like oh, hold on, wait, here's my walking shoes. Here's my activewear... Ah, that's right. I'm going for a walk. Make sense?
 
Okay, so try these out. You know, take one of the habits that you want to change and get specific. Now for each habit I've allowed for two pages here, a place to really work through creating an action plan for how you will change associations. Or how you'll insert the new habit into your routine by linking it to a no fail habit you already have. Right? So fill out these pages to create this new habit.... When I do my new no fail habit, I will take specific actions and create new associations.
 
Now, for each one of those, I've given you 10 checkboxes to tick off as you practice. Do it at least 10 times. You probably need to do it more, you know, there's a few ideas out there, that you need to practice something 100 times, you know, [somewhere between] I think the research is currently it's somewhere between 60 and 256 repetitions to make something a habit. So it takes repetition to strengthen those neurons to make it automatic. So practice. Check them off. Put in more check boxes if you need them, print more pages.
 
And I want you to remember, that as you go through this process of change and start implementing this process, that when you take action, when you apply effort, there's no possibility of failing. Because every attempt produces a result. You're either succeed and do the new habit, the one that you want, or that you will learn something. Maybe something you hadn't considered or hadn't anticipated. That will help you succeed because now you have more information or knowledge nor awareness. So make sure you're paying attention to the effects of the new choice. What works? What doesn't? What would you do differently? And I've included space on the worksheets [for there] for you to review and revise and reflect on the habits, as you practice them. So this will help you make it truly doable and really sustainable in your life. It's customising the habit to the way you want to live.
 
So are you willing to have a go at it? I know that there's some work here. There's a little investment in time - you're making these lists, thinking about how to link them up, or how to change my associations, and of course, there's a little bit of time and effort in the trying of it - but I do think it's so worth it.
 
Now in the worksheets, I've given you five sets of pages to work on five new habits or five new habit changes. And of course, you can print more pages, keep going to do hundreds of them if you want. The key thing I would recommend, though, is just to do one small change at a time. It requires much less willpower, less effort, and it's much more likely to be adopted, if you're just focusing on one thing. So let's get comfortable with one little habit change before moving on to the next. When you do it that way, you'll be surprised how quickly you build up the skill of changing and transforming habits. And after some practice, you will be able to do more quickly and more at once. But just start with one.
 
Don't forget to actually spend some time now downloading and completing the worksheet. And remember that if you do need help either clarifying the habits that aren't helping - sometimes we can't see them because we're too close to it - or deciding on habits that would serve you better. or finding changes that are actually possible, that are realistic, that are sustainable for you, right now in your life, then let's have a conversation. You can head to LiveMoreLife.com.au and request a free consultation. I'm willing to give new potential clients anyone who needs some help, an hour of time to really chat. We can help you discover habits that you can't see, you know, you too close to it. And you can draw on my experience of helping people go about adjusting those habits. I really do believe you can have and deserve the life you want. You can have the results you want. I want to help you do that.
 
So of course, if this has been helpful for you, then please give me a like, give me a reaction, give me a heart there. Or if you're watching on YouTube or on my video blog, make sure that you hit subscribe, so  you get notified of every new video when it comes out. And if you know someone who might be helped by seeing this video or having this information, please tag them in the comments or send them the link to the video. Share it with them. I want to help as many people as possible.
 
For now, I'd love you to let me know in the comments. Let's have a conversation. What new habit or association will you create this week? What no fail behaviour will you link it to, so it just becomes part of your life? I'd love to know and I look forward to hearing from you.
 
So have an amazing day. Let's create some new habits. Let's work towards the life you want. I'll talk to you soon. Bye for now.
 
Transcribed by https://otter.ai