How do you define your success? Is it about a number or about the quality of your life?
In this video I discuss focusing on your non-scale victories to determine your path to the results (and the life you want).
Download the worksheet here: livemorelife.kartra.com/page/60ws
Are you caught up in the results on the scale? Are you letting the loss, the gain, or the stay the same set your mood, your opinion of yourself, or your choices? You know how it goes, a loss means "ooh, I'm good,
I'm doing it right, I can relax a little, or I deserve a little reward, or I get to have more freedom in my choices". Or conversely, again means "I'm a failure. I beat myself up over my choices I give in to the frustration and the anger and resentment. Because you know, I've done everything right. And it's not fair. Why isn't it working?"
My friends, nothing there leads to a healthy relationship with food, with activity or with your weight. It certainly doesn't lead to sustained Success. And, good news is, there's a better way. Hi, if you don't know me, my name is Brian and I'm a life coach and a weight loss coach, and I help people transform their thinking, change their habits and lose weight for life (or achieve any other result they want).
You know, when I started my journey at 112 kilos (I weighed 112.1) I couldn't do a squat. I couldn't get down on the floor and get back up again. The fat would cut off the circulation in my knees and I'd fall over. It was difficult. I couldn't put in my, pull in my chair all the way. I couldn't do up my shoes easily. You know, I couldn't hold my frame in my dance class without my gut getting in the way. I couldn't do up my belt around my waist. It had to go under the gut. It's the only way I could get it on.
And I'm remember that in that stage of my life, I wasn't saying yes to social situations. I didn't like talking to people (believe it or not). I didn't like being seen, because I was always worried about being judged. The truth is, I was judging myself. I didn't really like what I'd seen. I didn't like my lif. I didn't like how it felt. Everything was hard. Everything was uncomfortable. I didn't like the fact that I let myself get that way.
So if you ever feel like that, know, you're not alone and know that it can change. It doesn't have to be that way. And that's why I wanted to share this video with you today. I want to make sure that you're focusing on the things that actually move you forward to transformation. To the life that you actually want. Not focusing on the number on the scale. It's really not about that. You know, I know from experience because as I started to take control of my choices - I started to eat a little bit healthier, move a bit more, that I started to make small changes - I realized more and more that really wasn't about the number. It wasn't even about ultimately getting to goal because even a few days in to making healthier food choices I started to feel better. A few weeks in to completing small amounts of activity. You know it for me, it was a walk around the block a couple of times a week. And I noticed even just after doing that a few times that my energy levels were picking up. I was sleeping better. My movement was becoming a little bit easier. Still hard, but it was a little bit easier. A month in I noticed that my clothes were starting to get a little bit looser, my skin was starting to clear up a little bit and I noticed that I was starting to consider, just for the first time, that my success might just be possible.
Now, notice that none of that had anything to do with the number on the scales. You know, to be honest, even a month in my end goal still seemed impossible. It seemed ridiculous. You know, at that stage, I thought I had to lose about 34 kilos to get back into my healthy weight range for my height. But that still seemed overwhelming. But I did start to consider, by not focusing on the scales - like every time I focused on the scales, I felt demoralized, I felt defeated, I felt overwhelmed - and yet every time I focused on my behaviour, and what was possible, what I could do, when I focused on the little things, the decisions I could make. And I noticed (that when I noticed) the effect, I paid attention to the effect that those changes had on my life, I transformed.
I went "ooh this is better, this is improving my life. I like the way this feels, I want more of it". It gave me momentum. The things that you choose to focus on are the things that are creating your life as it is. We are always spending our time. George Lucas has a famous quote, he says, "your focus determines your reality". I really believe it's true. What we focus on determines our experience of our lives.
So let me ask you, have you created the life you want? Are you getting the results that you'd like to have in your life? Are you spending your time, your energy, your focus with intention? Or, are you living in reaction, in avoidance in distraction? It's so easy to do, I've been there so many times. That's why we never have the quick fixes that work. It's why we can be good for a little time and then not good for the rest of the time. What we have to do is focus on what actually makes a difference, and the effect it has.
Now, if there are things that you'd like to change in your life, then know that I've created a worksheet to help you through this process. Help you work out what you should be focusing on, and you can download it in the links in the description, wherever that happens to be. Click on that, simply fill in your email address and you'll have access. Now if you if you're watching on a mobile device, just know that you'll need to have the free Adobe Reader app or any other PDF reader in order to open and view the file. Okay, so make sure you have that as well. It's free.
Once you've got that file, or you know, get out a piece of paper, grab a pen - Just take a moment to ask yourself, and write down your answers to, the following....
What do I want to be different in my life, from how it is now? What do I want to be different in my life?
And there might be a great many things. Write them all down. Don't judge them. Don't edit them. Don't think about whether they are or they aren't possible for you now. Just like, what would I like to be different in my life? Write them all down. I'd like to be healthy. I like to keep up with the kids. I'd like to feel confident at the beach in my swimsuit. I'd like to be able to look in the mirror and give myself a compliment. Like what I see. I'd like to improve my self esteem. Whatever it is, write it down. I'd like to be able to stop when I'm satisfied. Keep doing it. There could be hundreds of thousands - write them down.
Once you've done that, how do you want your life to be different? And I urge you, in that sense, be really specific as well. Try and get into the detail. Once you've done that, ask...
Why does that matter to me? Why does it matter that I actually achieve those? What difference will it make in my life? What will that mean that I'll be able to do, or think, or be? How will that change things for me? Why do I care? Keep asking. It's a bit like having a toddler by your knee going, "but why? but why? but why?" Invite that process. Keep answering those questions. What you'll notice after a little while is that all of your emotions will come up. This is what I like to call your compelling reason. This is what will fuel actually making change. It's important to keep close by. It's important to know. So, how do we want things to be different than the way they are? Why does that matter to me?
The next question can feel a little bit uncomfortable, but I think it's worth asking. Why don't I have that yet? Why aren't I doing those things? What have I been letting get in my way?
Because the truth is, we are always spending our time. We are always doing things. So I'd like you to put in here, anything that you notice where you might be holding yourself back. What's getting in the way of your success? Why aren't I doing it? Why don't I have it already? Again, don't judge them. Just write down all the answers and just notice whether that you choosing things that are within you or without of you - they're the circumstance, the people around you, it's the time, the business, the chaos of your life. These are decisions. Is there something that you're not paying attention to? Or that you haven't deliberately chosen to focus on?
Once you've done that part of the exercise, why you looked at why you don't have it, don't feel bad. Like, there's a temptation here to sometimes feel bad about that. But don't. Because remember, you are living your life at the moment. And whatever you have been doing has been serving you in some way. So, are there any reasons why you don't want it? It's important to know, right? Often we're like, why do I want it? Why don't I want it? Because now you get into the balancing them out. You get to make a choice. You get to ask yourself, Well, how important is it to me that I have this? I offer for you, that if you haven't achieved, it's perhaps because it hasn't been a priority. It isn't a main focus for you. It hasn't been high enough on the importance list.
But you get to re-make that decision at any time. You could remake it now. How important is it that I actually achieve it? Now I know this from my own life, there's lots of things - even though I've succeeded with my weight loss, and for, you know, 13 years now, I've been helping other people achieve their goals too. It's my mission in life to help people do that - but you know, I'm a human with a human brain. Sometimes I still get caught up in like, "oh, there's things I wanted in my life that I haven't deliberately paid attention to". They've been on that "Yeah, I'll get around to that someday, or wouldn't that be nice if?". So, we're not different. It's just a matter of bringing your attention going, Okay, well, is it important enough for me to spend some time, some effort, some intention on it?
If it is, move on to the next stage of the worksheet and think about, well, okay, if I want this, it's worth spending some energy on, then what are the skills, the habits, behaviours, I need to develop in order to have it? And again, There might be lots of them. You know, it's probably not just one thing. If there was one simple thing you'd probably already be doing. It might be lots of things. There might be lots of steps or stages.
And it's pretty common in this exercise to, when you first do it, just for it to feel overwhelming. You know, it felt like there's so much to do, there's too much to do, or that many of the skills or habits seem impossible, right now. That's okay, nothing's gone wrong. That's just your brain responding the way it's supposed to. It wants to stay where it is and doesn't want to change.
Remember, though, you don't have to do them all at once. You don't have to go from having none of those or no capability, capacity in those skills to having all of them immediately. You know, if you could, you'd already be doing it. You'd already have the life you want, right? The fact that you don't think you can, it's just a normal part of the process. Right, if your brain says it's not possible right now, or I can't, that's okay. Just let it say that and then go "What if I could?"
Learning how to do them. Breaking them down into smaller, more achievable steps. Taking just one action at a time - you don't have to do them all at once. Just work on one thing. Doing that is how you build the strength. That's how you build the capability. It's how you become the person who can do them all.
You know, it's so funny our brains, we always start with impossibility. You know, we say things like, "I can't do it. It's too hard. I don't know how". Yep, that's okay. Nothing's gone wrong. It's just your toddler brain not wanting to change. You know, it can't see any other options because we're just in impossible thinking. So, break it down. What if you started, instead, with the assumption that maybe one day I'll be able to do that. I could do it if I practice, if I learn. It is possible for other people, so they can figure it out, so I'm a person in the world, I could figure it out. What if it is possible for me? What if it could be possible for me? And notice that as soon as you do that it starts to feel a little less overwhelming. And so in that place then think about well, if it was possible if I could really do it, what steps Could I take towards it? What could I try? What is possible for me in my life right now?
Break it right down. So each of the skills might have lots of little sub skills or subsets to them. You know, if I want to learn how to eat healthfully, I might have to pay attention. I might have to learn how to record everything I'm eating. I might have to understand what I need to meet my nutrition, my own nutritional needs. I need to understand what keeps me full and satisfied and brings me joy and pleasure - but in a healthy balance. Oh, now I need to pay attention to portion sizes. Now I need to pay attention to my hunger signals, it means learning how to tune into those. Maybe I need to learn how to plan ahead and prepare. Again, notice how one skill starts to cascade into lots of others. That's okay. Don't let yourself be overwhelmed. Just keep writing them down. Break each one down into smaller and smaller pieces until it feels truly doable in your life.
Now, most people won't want to do this part of the exercise. I don't have time for that I'm too busy. It's too much work. If that's you I really want you to take a moment to just ask yourself "by not paying attention, by not doing this work so far in your life, what have you created?" Like most people you'll have created a result of haven't gotten around to it yet. It's not part of my life yet. I don't know how to do it yet.
I invite you to really take an investment in time here. Give yourself 10 minutes, 15 minutes to write down as many things as you think of. And come back to it and have it, you know, a day or two or a week. Set a timer, put it in the schedule. If you start the work, if you invest a little time initially just to break it down into finding out what is possible for you right now, then you can start to work on that right? One at a time.
You can ask, How can I make space for this in my life? Remember, we're always spending our time, our energy, our focus. So what will I shift to do this? What part of it, what step of this process can I focus on and will I focus on right now? It's really important and if you keep taking these small steps, your brain will switch from impossible to possible.
Now, of course, if you are overwhelmed by this, right, if you're faced with a worksheet or a blank piece of paper, and it's just all too much, then you know, if you need help to clarify what is the life you want, or breaking down those habits and skills into the actual steps that are possible for you right now. Or if you need help actually integrating the steps into your life, actually doing them in a way that you can follow through. If you need some help with that, then let's have a conversation. Remember, you can head to LiveMoreLife.com.au and request a free consultation. Chatting with a coach can be a great way to help you discover and re-frame your impossible thinking and actually truly start creating the life you want.
Here's what I know. That if you do take the time to do this work, and if you do start to make one small change at a time. Then you start building these skills. Once you start focusing on the choices that actually matter, rather than the results on the scales, your success becomes inevitable. You start living the life you want now, not in the future. Right? What you are doing now is your life. You can't just wait for it to suddenly magically arrive. You have to build it, you have to start living it. There's no better time than now.
Little by little, your choices switch from being the life you have to being the life you want. And so getting there, achieving your success just becomes a done deal. You're either there already, or the habits become so ingrained, so second nature, like brushing your teeth or driving your car, writing your name. Like all those things just become automatic. You gain mastery over them and then your success is just a matter of time. It's just a matter of practice. It's just the way you live. I love this process so much. Because we're breaking down, you can start to live it now. Are you ready to get started?
If you are then I'd love for you to share with me in the comments... What habit, what skill, what behaviour will you bring your focused intention to, this week? What will you choose to focus on, instead of on the number on the scale? You and I both know it's not really about that. Focus on the behaviour. Focus on the transformation you want and the results take care of themselves.
Well don't forget, if you haven't already, download the worksheet. Invest in time, put some time, put some time aside to complete it. I think you'll find it a valuable investment. And of course reach out if you do need some help.
If this video has been helpful for you then please give me a like, give me a reaction. And if you're watching on YouTube or on my video blog, make sure you hit subscribe so you get notified of every new video. If you download the worksheet I'll also notify you of each new video when it comes out. And if you know someone who could be helped by this, who's caught up in their opinions of themselves, the frustration and the resentment, the anger that comes with focusing on the scale, then please tag them in the comments, send them a link to the video.
Every time I see people switch their focus back onto behaviour, back onto the measures of success that actually have a meaningful difference in their life, they succeed. And every time I see people get caught up on the number on the scale, they get disheartened, disillusioned and give up. I don't want that to happen to you.
So thank you for watching all the way through to the end. Thanks for joining me. And don't forget, let me know what habits will you work on? How will you start living the life you want this week? Have an amazing day. And I look forward to talking with you again soon. Bye for now.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
After losing my 50 kg I've made it my mission to help others transform their minds, overcome emotional eating and create the life they want to be living.