#58 Self-care for Success

Everything we do either moves us toward the life we want or away from it.
So, what's been holding you back from your Success?
In this video I discuss how acts of Self-Care can create more of the life you want.
Download the worksheet here: https://livemorelife.kartra.com/page/58ws

Transcript
What holds you back from your success?

Like most people, you might be blaming the circumstances, the situation, the events going on in your life, all the reasons why you can't. Or maybe, you've taken more responsibility and you recognise that it's your habits, your choices. Maybe you recognise that it's your thinking.
 
In the end, I believe it's always our thinking. It's always our own limiting beliefs that hold us back. I  offer for you today that nothing holds us back more than our doubts, our fears, our insecurities. It's that lack of belief that you actually can have the life you want and be the person you want to be. It's mentally hanging out in the past that has been, and not actively hanging out in the future that could be, if you allowed it.
 
Hi, I'm Brian, and if you don't know me, I'm a life and weight loss coach. And I help people transform their thinking, change the habits, and lose weight, for good (or achieve whatever other result they'd like in their life, improving their relationships, improving their career, improving their finances).
 
And, you know, limiting beliefs are something we all have. We're all human. It's the default setting for most people, to be in doubt, be in fear, be in insecurity, and nothing really has gone wrong there. It's simply recognising that in this case, when we're doing that - when we're living our life from fear, when we're holding ourselves back from our success - that it's our primitive brain that's in charge, that's running the show, that's driving those actions. And our primitive brain is the part of our brain that's really just focused on our immediate survival. You know, we often call it our toddler brain, it's the part of our brain that just cares "am I alive right now?", compared to our evolved thinking brain. You know, as humans, we have these wonderful structures like our prefrontal cortex in our brain that can actually go into the future and hold our dreams and desires and can think of a future that's better than the present. It goes beyond mere survival.
 
So the good news that I wanted to offer you today, is that you don't have to keep the default setting. You are constantly creating the future with your present thinking. I want to say that again - You are constantly creating your future with your present thinking. How we perceive the world really does determine how we feel in response to the interpretation we've made, and the kinds of actions that we're driven to do, in response to those feelings. Of course, it's the actions we take in the world, that produce the results. Every result you have in your life in this moment, is the consequence of thinking that you've had previously.
 
So, if you're new to this work, and maybe you've heard it before, (it's becoming more and more common now to recognise that our thinking creates our reality). If you're new to that, then I really encourage you, a the very first step, is just to start paying attention. Start noticing what's going on in your mind. And remember that even just doing that, slowing down enough to notice what you're actually thinking, instead of just living in reaction, is in itself an act of self care.
 
When you are faced with a choice or decision, take a moment to consider is this choice, is this decision,  actually serving the future that I want? Is it an act of self care? Or is it just something I'm doing? Because I've practised it a lot? Because of the habit? Because it's unconscious? Am I just living in reaction instead of deciding deliberately?
 
Now, if you've been following along with my videos, the last couple of videos and this 56 and 57 have been about living deliberately. Actually getting really conscious about your choices and making choices on purpose. And then in the last video 57 we talked about choosing your identity first, on purpose, as a way to transform habits, to transform your actions. So today, every time you're faced with a decision, with a thought, with an action...should I do this? Or should I do something else? Ask yourself, is it serving the future that I actually want?
 
Of course, it's important to remind yourself here, that future you want, actually living your best life, having the success you want, is totally and completely available to you. And just reminding yourself of this fact - that the future isn't created yet, all possibilities are available, and yet our brain tends to focus on the worst outcomes, the things that won't work, how it will not work for us, how we can't have it. But what if that's not true? What if you really can have the future you want? You really can be living the life you want? I think reminding yourself that that's available to you, is also an act of self care.
 
Our brains don't instinctively hang out very much in our desired futures. Occasionally we might be doing some daydreaming, we might be thinking, you know, when we're relaxed, when we've got no pressure, we're on holidays, things like that. We spend a lot of time working on what's not working, what's going wrong, where it's hard, or challenging, or difficult. That's a choice.
 
I offer for you that making the choice to focus on what's not working worsens your experience of your life. It makes things actually harder. We create our reality. Instead of looking at where it's easy, where it's effortless, where you are succeeding. What you are doing well. What if you hung out in your mind, in more of that world?
 
When you're faced with that choice and you've had to look at, is it serving me or not, then I offer for you to choose deliberately. To move towards that future that you could be having. A future that you want. And every time you do that, that too is an act of self care.
 
We often think of self-care as something we'll get around to eventually. It's a luxury, that if we have spare time, or if we had spare money we'd get around to and we, you know, have a pedicure or a manicure or a facial or a massage. We'd go and take a weekend away. We'd sit around and do nothing. Self Care is not just in those big moments. It happens in all of the little moments in our day. All of those moments when we observe what's going on our head, and we supervise that little voice, supervise our primitive brain. Every time we make a healthy choice, every time we shop for ourselves and back ourselves when we make a decision. Every time we choose to do the work or or the workout that we've been avoiding doing. Every time we plan ahead or prepare in advance, we'll decide in advance. Every time we set ourselves up to make our future decisions and actions easier, those are acts of self care.
 
And it happens every time that we check in and see if what we're saying 'yes' to, in our world, comes from our best self. Comes from our love for ourselves and for others, and not when we're saying 'yes', at the expense of ourselves. I see so many people get into people pleasing and taking on more tasks and more roles, and more chores, more responsibilities, in order to have other people think well of them. But they do it not from a place of loving themselves, wanting to help and be generous, but from a place of not being enough. And they do it in a way that exhaust themselves, that runs down their energy, that saying 'yes' to so many things they're depleting themselves. That is not an act of self care. And, I contend, that when we do that, we actually do a poorer job of relating to others, doing the tasks, of showing up. Because we'll tend to show up tired or exhausted, less energy, less positivity. Maybe we even start to resent all of those things we're saying yes to, even if ultimately we do want to still do those things. We want to be kind. We want to be caring. We want to be generous to others.
 
You see, when you practice acts self care, when you do take the time and give yourself the energy, you honour your commitment to your success. You can give generously, from your best self. I want you to remember that you, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection. I would also add, you deserve your attention. When you practice active self care, you honour your commitment to your success. When you look after yourself first, you give generously from your best self.
 
Here's what I found, working with clients to help them make this transformation, and to do it and live it in my own life, is that you can inspire. That you can lead by example. You can demonstrate what is possible. So many people think that they 'just can't', it's too hard, they don't have time, they don't have the energy. Yet, when we make this switch to looking after themselves first, to filling their own tanks, to honouring their commitments to themselves, they have more to give. More positivity, more energy, more generosity, more abundance in their life.
 
You really can be the person, and create the life, you are in awe of. I want you to think what your life might be like if honouring yourself, honouring your commitment to the future you want, was your new default. What if that was easy? What if it was normal, and not exceptional? What could you do? What would you do?
 
I'm encouraging everyone this week to spend a week actually reviewing your actions every day, through the lens of self care. Deciding is this serving me or not, and then thinking about what you could do in your life, as it currently stands, to find those little moments, to find those acts of self care. That could honour yourself, that could honour your commitment and write them all down. Now, I've created a worksheet to actually help you examine those choices and actions. So you could, you can download that from my website, you can click on the link in the description wherever it is above or below this video and download that. I've got seven days worth there. Or you could just use a piece of paper or a diary.
 
If you do, here's the idea. Every day, sit down for five minutes, 10 minutes maybe, and write down all of the actions that you can think of, that you've taken in the last 24 hours. Choices you've made, decisions you made, actual behaviours you act in the world. You know... I ate the cakes and the pastries at the morning tea, because I didn't want to miss out, because I was worried about everyone else thinking poorly of me, thinking that I wasn't being friendly, that I'd would be rude if I wasn't. I said 'yes' to running this chore, picking up this task, though I didn't really want to. Write down as many things as you can, you know, I made a healthy lunch. I stopped when I was satisfied today. I listened to my hunger signals. You know, I said 'no' to something. I said 'yes' to me.
 
Write them all down. Write down all the actions, all the decisions you've made in the last 24 hours. And then for each one, once you've made your list, ask yourself, and just give it a yes or no, Is this serving the future that I want? Yes, or no? Is it just...Are you just doing it out of routine out of habit? Are you doing it just because it's the past you've had?
 
Whether or not it's serving you, it's also helpful then to look at what is the emotion that was fuelling that action? I talked before about fear of judgement from others. So, is that coming from insecurity, is it coming from fear, is it coming from doubt? Did I take actions in confusion, did I take actions from confidence, from certainty, from decisiveness? Write down the emotion.
 
And the point of this, of course, is just to bring your awareness.   What I've learned in all of my years of coaching is that it is consciousness. We have to become aware first, right? So many of us live our life on automatic pilot, we're not aware of what's actually going on. The choices are just happening automatically. So doing this exercise to slow down and actually write down your actions, pay attention and then question them is really important because then it brings our habits back to being a choice. You get to choose, you get to be in charge.
 
So bring awareness, not judgement. Avoid the temptation to beat yourself up about any choice or any decision you're made. Recognise that, that's just what I made, for whatever reason. That's why I want you to look at the emotion. What was behind it? Do you like having that? Do you like that emotion fearing that action in your life or not? If you don't, don't beat yourself up about it, just notice, that's something you did.
 
And the idea is to brainstorm a whole page, a whole list of acts of self care that you could take in the next 24 hours. If it wasn't serving you, what could you do differently? How might you show up differently? How about you think about yourself differently? What might you say differently? What choices might you do differently?
 
How could you have your own back? How could you be your own best friend, your best cheerleader? How could you care for you? I wonder what your life would look like if you loved yourself enough, to show it. To see the evidence of it in the world.
 
So, that's really all you need to do. Examine your actions. See if they're serving you. Understand the emotions driving them. And then brainstorm a new list of acts of care that you could take. And then once you've written your list, I encourage you to go back and highlight or circle any of those that you can commit to doing in the next 24 hours. Don't just think about it, actually do.
 
I'd love to know, if you do this exercise, what shifts over the course of the week? What's your experience of your life? What things are you doing differently, how you feeling differently after doing this? It really is amazing. Remember, repetition is the path to new habits. Choose deliberately. Make that commitment to yourself and practice showing up.
 
Now, you probably won't be perfect, you probably won't do them all. That's okay. Have compassion for yourself for that, and simply just write down that action and ask... 'in not following through and not doing that, did it serve me? Did it serve the future I want? Did it serve the person I am becoming or not? And then brainstorm a new action. And try again.
 
I hope that's been helpful for you. And of course, if you would like more help uncovering the beliefs that are holding you back or transforming your thinking and actually honouring your commitment to your future self, then know that coaching can make a really big difference. A coach can help you see the beliefs that you're not aware of and support you in living into the new beliefs that you want. You know, I have a coach too.  I love talking with my coach because so often they'll just point out one simple thing that I've not been considering, or remind me of something I did know, but hadn't been thinking about. And that changes everything. It's like a switch is flicked and I can move forward again.
 
I'd like to help do that for you. So if you'd like me to be your coach, then head on over to LiveMoreLife.com.au and request a consultation. Let's have a conversation about what you want to achieve. In that conversation, we get to experience a little of my coaching, we'll see if we're a good fit. And if it feels right, we can talk about what it might be like to work together. Either way, whether you work with me or not, you get to walk away with some clarity about your experience, and any hints, insights or ideas that we come up with on the call. It's free of charge. So I welcome you to book one.
 
Whether you do that or not, I'd love for you to let me know in the comments what acts of self care will you practise this week? Remembering that every act of self care that you take, moves you towards your goals, helps you honour your commitment to yourself and creates the life you want to be living.
 
All right, if you've got any questions or concerns or comments about these ideas, if you've got any thoughts I'd love you to share them. I love having these conversations. If this has been helpful for you give me a like, give me a reaction. Of course, if you're watching on YouTube or on my video blog, then make sure you subscribe so you get notified of every new video when it goes live. And of course, if you know someone who could use this information for whom this might be helpful, then please forward them the link, forward them the video, share it with them, tag them in the comments. I want to help as many people as possible.
 
For now. I encourage you to go and take care of yourself. Do acts of self care so that you can create the life you want and be a shining example of what is possible for those around you. Have an amazing day and I'll talk to you soon.
 
Transcribed by https://otter.ai