#57 My Habits - My Identity

Who are you?
Are you the person you want to be?
In this video I discuss how your habits shape your identity, and how being intentional about your identity can help transform unwanted habits into healthy new ones.

Get the worksheet here: https://livemorelife.kartra.com/pa…/57ws
Transcript
Who are you? Are you the person you want to be? Are you living the life that you want to be living?

These are often some of the most personal and challenging questions that we can ask ourselves, because they asked us to examine our most intimate relationship. That is our relationship with ourselves. Who am I? Today, in this video, I want to explore the links between the habits of our lives and the way they shape our identity, and you watch until the end I'll offer you some prompts, so that you can discover how being intentional about your identity can also help you change unwanted habits into a healthy new ones. Into ones that will help you create the life you want.
 
For those of you don't know me Hi, I'm Brian Grainger. I'm a life coach and a weight loss coach. And I transformed my relationship with myself 2006 and lost 50 kilos. And I've maintained that loss ever since, over 12 years now. And now I help people transform their thinking, change their habits and achieve their goals, like losing weight for life. You can check out more about my work and grab my 10 secrets to long term weight loss at LiveMoreLife.com.au While you're there you might also want to check out last week's video number 56 about deliberate living. That's deliberate living and you might want to download the worksheet for today's video. You can find that link also in the description.
 
So what is your identity? How do you answer the question, who are you? Now, like most people, your answer might be different, depending on the context or who's asking the question. The answer we often give often changes in different circumstances or in different times of our lives. Interestingly, sometimes we give our answer based not on our own opinions, but on what others think. Or what we want them to think. If that's you I want to give you a little shout out - to all of the recovering approval seekers and people pleasers out there. You know, maybe you think I'm generous. I'm a helper, I'm the serious one, I'm the funny one. I'm the person who....
 
Today, I want to invite you to ask, answer the question, "who are you?" when you're the one asking.
 
Now, maybe here you'll come up with ideas like your relationships, your work, your past. I'm a parent. I'm a mother, I'm a husband. I'm a coach. I'm a teacher. I'm a carer. I'm a survivor. I'm a failure.
 
What is your identity, now? Take a moment. Really just consider that question. Of course if you have the worksheet, or if not, you just grab a piece of paper. Really just complete the following statement as many times as come to mind.
 
I am....
 
Remember, there's no wrong or right answers here. The purpose is just to notice how you answer that question for yourself. As I said, write down as many answers as come to mind. There's no wrong or right. And be aware that of course, if this feels uncomfortable, and I know it does for many people - it used to for me too (sometimes it still does) - It's probably because you bring some judgements to the question. There's a discrepancy between how you see yourself how you want to be perceived. And that's okay. It's perfectly normal. It's what most of our brains do. We're always worried about status. We always worried about judgement from others. We're always looking for approval. So just notice it or notice the discomfort, allow it. Keep writing. Keep filling out your answers. I am.....the person who gets nervous when I'm asked this question.
 
Remember the point of the is to just bring all of your answers to your conscious awareness. You know, many people don't enjoy the experience of self introspection, you know. And so in doing this process actually writing out your responses, sometimes things will come up in this process or they'll come out, that surprise you, that aren't what you actually thought you thought about yourself. Sometimes we have these things that we've buried or we've hidden or we've shied away from. So allow yourself to be open. Allow yourself to notice what comes up. Get them out.
 
Of course, there might also be many things that are exactly what you're expecting. So take a few moments now complete this exercise write out I am..., I am...., I am...., I am.... Then when you think you're done, ask yourself What else? Keep writing. When you're done, ask what else? Keep writing. Maybe you need to set yourself a timer. Five minutes, 10 minutes.
 
And then, have a look at all of those things and ask yourself... is that what I want to think about myself? Do these answers serve me? Do they help me create and live the life I want? Let's have a look, shall we?
 
Consider all of these beliefs about yourself, right? Look over them. And ask yourself "when I'm believing all of these things about me. What do I do?" Got the worksheet, there's prompts to fill those out, if you're on the paper, just ask "when I'm believing these things. What do I do?",  "When I'm believing these things? What don't I do?"
 
You know, for example, some examples that I often see like when people think they're not "good enough", then they might avoid speaking up. They might avoid difficult conversations. They might avoid completing tasks. You know? Maybe if I'm feeling that, I might buffer, I might procrastinate with eating or drinking or social media, watching Netflix. Another example might be if I'm the breadwinner, I'm the person who is responsible for keeping the mortgage paid, keeping the lights on, then I might work longer hours and have less time with my family... and probably end up resenting both of those, my work and my family. When I'm the carer, I might devote all of my time and attention to the needs of others. In doing so, neglect my own needs and neglect myself.
 
So really have a look at what it is you do do, and what you don't do, when you're believing this identity. When you've adopted this identity how do these actions, or inactions (if you're avoiding things) reinforce your self image?
 
You know, our brain always goes looking for evidence for what we believe is true. It's called cognitive bias. And in doing so, we tend to match our thinking. So, how do these reinforce your self image? And is that what you want to do? Is that what you had intended, adopting that identity? Or did you adopt it unconsciously? What is the impact that your current identity is having on your health and well being? On the quality of your life? On achieving your goals? Is it in alignment with the life you want? Or is it just what you have?
 
While he while you're doing this, you might also notice that we often use actions to give definition, we use this to define others. They always....,  they never..... We do this for ourselves to, you know. We associate doing or not doing certain behaviours with certain people. And we use them to define certain characteristics about ourselves, we use it to tell a story about ourselves. Sometimes will often say "it's just the way they are", "it's just the way we are", "it's just the way I am". Look out for that.
 
How is adopting the belief, the idea, the identity, and taking those actions, creating that belief..."it's just the way I am". You know, it's in this way that we make decisions. We make choices in our lives and sometimes unconsciously, sometimes just in reaction to the world, to the environment, from what we've learned from our parents or society, media, our peers, our colleagues. And the trouble is that when we make choices repeatedly they become habits.
 
Choices repeated become habits, and then habits repeated become beliefs. Beliefs repeated become our identity. Things we do repeatedly start to define who we are.
 
I wanted to remind you, in this video, in this live, today that it starts with choice. You get to decide your identity, you can remake it at any time. And as we saw earlier in different circumstances, you already do remake it, with different people in different situations.
 
So, if you want to change some of the habits of your life Try this on, consider the identity of someone who has that habit. For whom it's easy. What would they do?
 
Ask yourself this as often as possible, especially in any situation where you might practice an old unwanted habit, a habit that's not serving you. You know, many of my clients want to get healthier, and so often have them ask "what would a healthy person do here?" "What would you do if you truly loved and cared for yourself? What would I do if I truly loved and cared for myself? If I wanted the best outcome, what would that look like?
 
What would be the identity of the person who is already living the life you want? What would they be thinking? What would they be doing?
 
Then of course, if you can find the answers - your brain will probably give you a whole heap of answers here, it knows so much more - then do those things. If you find the answers, if you can adopt the identity of the person you want to become, or who has the skills the habits you want, ask "what would they do?" And then do that thing.
 
And what happens? Remember, habits are just choices repeated. Choices repeated become habits. Habits repeated become beliefs. Beliefs, repeated become identity. And so with practice, the more you do it, the easier it becomes, the more natural the more second nature, more authentic, it feels.
 
Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself.
 
Who do you want to be? What would you need to believe, or to do differently, in order to be that person? Remember, it's totally possible for you. Who do you want to be? What would you need to believe? What would you need to do differently, to be that person?
 
When will you decide? How will you start? You could do it right now.
 
I'd love for you to let me know in the comments. Let me know who you want to be. Let me know what you will do to start. I'd love to see your thoughts. And remember, ask questions if you need them.
 
Of course, if you know someone for whom this information or this video would be helpful, please share it with them, tag them in the comments or pass it on, send them the link. I want to help as many people live the life they want to live. I want to help you do that.
 
So I encourage you to make a decision today. Decide who you want to become and start living as though you are already that person. Consider their habits and practice them. Pretty soon you will be that person.
 
Now, if you want more help evolving your identity or stepping into that new identity. If you want help aligning your actions with the life you want to be living, instead of the one you are living, then get in touch. Let's have a conversation about how coaching can help and how we can work together to make it happen. Remember, you can request a free consultation with me at my website that's at LiveMoreLife.com.au I'd love to have that discussion with you and give you some help.
 
It's radically transformed my life for the better. I want that for you too. Whether, you work with me or not for now decide.... Who do you want to be? And start living accordingly.
 
Transcribed by https://otter.ai