#56 Deliberate Living

Do you like the way you think about yourself and your life?
Do you like your behaviours?
​Are you choosing to Live your Life Deliberately?

If not, here's some of my tips to help you!
Download the worksheets here: https://livemorelife.kartra.com/page/56ws 

Transcript:
​One of the gifts of being human is that we can question our thoughts, our habits and our identity. We don't have to be at the effect of our unconscious responses, reactions or instincts. Yes, you can choose to live your life deliberately. A wonderful gift we have as a human.

And yet, are you doing that completely? You're doing it sometimes? Are you doing it not at all? Most people don't.
 
Lot's of my clients come to me with lots of habits and lots of choices they're making, lots of habitual thinking that they have, that they're doing unconsciously. That they've built up over time, without any real conscious thought. It just feels like it's happened to them.
 
If you're one of those people, I really want to help you today. I want to help you start a practice of observing, of questioning, of choosing your thoughts and actions deliberately. And of course, if you're watching and you're already living deliberately, you're already making conscious purposeful choices, then keep watching today. I think it's a good opportunity to consider...are there more possibilities that I haven't yet considered?
 
Why do I want you to do this? Because I've discovered that when we start to choose deliberately - when we start to consider that our thoughts, our actions, our behaviours are optional - we have so much more power to change them. We can actually create the life we want. As Brian Tracy says,
 
"Whatever we practice over and over again becomes a new habit of thought in performance".
 
This is how we create mastery in our lives. Mastery over our food habits or exercise habits, our emotional state, our mental state...by deliberate conscious practice. Not just by living in unconscious reaction. So to help you out with this process, I have also created a workbook. It's got enough pages for a full week. So seven days worth in there of prompts to help you observe, question and choose. So you can download that by clicking in the link somewhere in the description, above or below wherever it is, just simply confirm your email address and you'll have access to the PDF worksheets there. Of course, you can can also do this on a piece of paper, in your diary journal, Google document, something like that. Although I do like actually writing it down. Something different happens when you write it down on a piece of paper.
 
So if you're watching a replay, take a moment, pause this video, click on the link, download the worksheets. When you're ready. Let's walk through them.
 
So each day, this coming week, I encourage you to take notice of your thoughts as often as you can. Take notice of the choices that you make, and whether they're conscious or unconscious. You know, our brain has something like 50,000 odd thoughts a day it generates, most of which we're not very conscious of. But from time to time, one will come through and we attach meaning, we attach relevance to it. We make it powerful, then it has an impact on our life. It creates a feeling in our body, a vibration, an energy and then we often will take action or will hold ourselves back from action, because of that thought.
 
So really notice what's going on up here in your brain, really just observe your thinking, and take notice of your choices. And of course, that means if you are observing unconscious choices, they might be in retrospect, they might be afterwards. So you might go, Oh, hey, what did I just do? I just did this, that, that. If you notice yourself doing that, write it down. Take notes of your thoughts. Take notes of your choices, and take notice of your unconscious habits. The actual actions that you took, perhaps without thought. Then for as many as you can notice, have a think about what is the impact that that thought or that choice had on your life? And the way you can do that is by taking notice of your results that they created in the world. What is the observable impact? What did you actually do? What did that create?
 
Remember, we are always creating our own experience of the world, we are actively creating our own universe, every single second of the day. And so be aware that your experience of your life, is the creation of your thinking, of your feelings, of your action. So let's find out what they are, shall we? So you can see what you are actually creating, that you are actually already powerful. So once we noticed that we have that power, we recognise it, then we can use it purposefully. But for now, part one each day, simply observe thoughts, your actions, and the results they had. Right?
 
That's the first part. Every day, observe, take notice what you're thinking and what you're doing. And then what I suggest to do for parts two, and three... take any action that feels consequential to you. Any thought that feels meaningful or something you discovered, particularly for something you discovered, that wasn't really conscious? You're like, Oh, that's what I'm thinking. Or something you did, perhaps something that, you know, didn't create an impact that you want. Didn't have a result you wanted? Really question? Right?
 
That's part two. So we're going to ask, we're going to question. So ask, why did I do that? Why do I think that?
 
I really want you to just calm your body here. And when you're asked that question, just open your mind. And then without judgement, just write down every thought that your brain offers you about it. Right? It's going to offer you lots of reasons or judgements. That's okay. We're just going to write them down, get them all out of your head onto a piece of paper. If you're not sure, you could ask well, what could it be? What might be my hints? What are my inclinations? Still not sure? Or you could ask what isn't it? Why didn't I do something different?
 
Now, the key thing here to remember is that you want to bring curiosity and compassion to this process. You're looking for understanding about what you're thinking what you're doing, not judgement. Right? There might be judgement thoughts in there, but just write them down and observe them. Right? Why did I do that?
 
So, you've written down what your brain is giving you is the reasons for why you did it. Why do you think that? Why do you believe it? I want you to consider, What if taking that action or thinking that thought was optional, for you? What if it was optional for me?
 
The thing to remember is that attaching meaning to thoughts is always optional. So all of the thoughts you're having there are completely optional. You know, if you've written things like 'because I always stumble', 'because it's hard', 'because I'm no good at this', etc. Notice all those things and just think about...well do you have to stumble? Does it have to be hard?
 
What if you weren't that way? What else might be possible for you? So, if all thoughts, all actions were in fact optional for you...What else might be possible? Do some brainstorming, write those things down? What else could I think or do?
 
So you've observed, your brought inquiry, questioning to it, you've questioned. Then in part three, then we get to choose. We get to make conscious, deliberate choices.
 
You can ask yourself...Want do I want to think about this now? Do I want to keep it? Do I want to keep this thought? Do I want to keep this action, that I've been practising? If you're not sure, you can ask further questions like, does this enrich my life? Is having this experience meaningful or important to me? Would I choose to think this about myself, or would I choose to think this thought about someone else? Would I choose to do this action again today? Would I choose it deliberately. Or do I want to change it?
 
I really want you to notice if you have taken any of those thoughts, or any of those actions and make them part of your identity. Like this often sometimes happens with our habits Now remember, habit is just a choice that we've repeated enough times that it's become automatic. And we've practised a habit enough time, it often becomes a belief about ourselves. So I really want you to look out for phrases like "I am, I always, I never, I'm not".
 
Really just look at your language. So for instance, some people often....here are some one's I used to use, I used to use like, "I'm just too lazy." "I'm just lazy." When people come to me with things like I'm an emotional eater. I always overeat at social events.
 
You know, we've just had the Australia Day long weekend, Lunar New Year. How did you go? Did you choose deliberately what Do did you stop when you're satisfied? Did you make it a healthy part of your life in a healthy balance? Or not? If you find there that you've taken on some identity, that's not the identity that you want. there's a couple of things you can do. The first thing I recommend for people is to first of all, notice and observe that it's optional. Is is a choice. We get to recreate our identity, any minute, of any day. In fact we do recreate it automatically. A lot. Every day we wake up, we go from unconsciousness to consciousness, and we 'be', in the world. We're a human being.
 
But there are choices involved there. So if it's not the identity you want, try this. Try shifting your language just a little bit. Try shifting it to past tense, you no longer wish to continue with it. Right? This will help you create just some distance from that version of you, without the criticism without thinking that version of you (that you have been) is wrong or unworthy or not good enough. So shift a past tense so for instance..."I used to eat my emotions", "I have overeaten at social events in my past. I don't do that anymore."
 
Just notice that when you can accept that part of you, you can accept that the habits you have had have helped you in some way, they've served you, but they're no longer serving you, you can allow them to now be complete. And they're not something that you're continuing on. So, Yeah, I used to eat to be an emotional eater, I used to over drink, I used to override my hunger signals. Used to.
 
In addition, it can sometimes be helpful when considering our identity. Like sometimes it feels so ingrained that we really hold on to it very tightly. No, I can't do it. It's too hard. It's too... I'm too lazy. I'm no good at that. Who would you be without that thought? What if you weren't able to think that thought about yourself anymore? Who would you be then? What would be possible for you?
 
You know, so often we go through the world, creating a mask or persona that we use with our interactions with each other. Sometimes even in our interactions with ourselves. We spend our whole lives trying to be something. Have some of you being everything, to everybody? You know, we're a certain person at work, we're a certain person in our relationships, or a certain person with our kids, with our family, with our colleagues, with our friends, with our customers.
 
So who are you, when you're not trying to be somebody? Who are you and you're not trying to be you?
 
Some interesting thoughts to ponder there. And remember that you get to decide... authenticity, being genuine, means I'm choosing something on purpose that feels right for me, that serves me. And I like my reasons for choosing it. Look for your answers to those questions.
 
As you go through the week get into a practice, a habit, of observing your thoughts, observing your actions, bringing your inquiry, and questioning them. Why am I doing that? Why am I thinking that? What else might be possible? And then decide which ones you want to think, on purpose.
 
I so love discovering this work, it changed my life. Once I realised that I get to choose the thoughts I give meaning to, deliberately. Choose the thoughts I act on. I get to, you know, when you observe your habits - remember habits are choices you've made repeatedly - then they return from unconsciousness to consciousness, they get to be choices again, so you can make new choices deliberately. You don't have to keep doing anything you've been doing in the past. It's all optional. And you can recreate your identity at any time, deliberately. You can be who you want to be in the world.
 
So I'd love for you to let me know in the comments down below. Who will you be? What thoughts, what actions or habits will you choose? I'd love to hear from you. So let me know in the comments.
 
And of course, if you'd like some more help, you know, this is the beauty of coaching. So many people struggle, they don't realise this work is optional. They don't realise that it's possible for them to change. And even when they first discover it, they're like, "Oh, yeah, that'd be amazing, but I didn't really know how"... they don't have someone to walk them through it step by step and help them see the limits, the blocks that they put in front of themselves. I used to do this all the time too. It's why I love coaching so much. So if you do need more help deciding who you'd like to be, or you'd like help in the process of actually becoming that person, of creating the life you want, then please get in touch. Let's have a conversation. You can request a free consultation at LiveMoreLife.com.au and let's talk. Let's get together on the phone or over zoom and see what coaching with me will be like. I'd love to help you out.
 
If this video has been helpful for you, make sure you give me a like, give me a reaction. And if you know someone who for whom this would be useful information, feel free to tag them in the comments. Share this video with them so that they can get the help. They can be inspired. They can have these questions. And of course, you can always refer them to the worksheet that's on in the link below. Find that on my website as well in the video description. Click on that link, download the worksheet and do the work. With a little practice. You might just be amazed of what you can create in the world. You are creating already. You're already powerful. And I'll offer for you today the choice, to go "huh, I can create the life I want deliberately".
 
Have fun playing with these tools go and live more of the life you want. I look forward to speaking with you soon.
 
Transcribed by https://otter.ai