#54 Challenging Yourself in the goldilocks zone

Do you want to set goals, change habits or take action that you can actually follow through on (not just talk or think about)? In this video learn how to set the challenge level that's just right for you.
Download the worksheet here: https://livemorelife.kartra.com/page/54

​Transcript
​Humans experience peak motivation, when they're working on tasks that are right at the edge of their current ability. In the Goldilocks zone, where it's not too easy, not too hard. It's just right.

Hello, everyone. And this is an idea that came to me on my holidays. Or I learned it from James clear. I had the opportunity in the holidays to read his book, atomic habits. And I really love this book, I thoroughly recommend it. I don't know about you. Have you ever had one of those occasions where you read a book? And everything you're reading is like, Oh, yeah, this is exactly the way I think about it. For me as a coach, the way he describes changing habits here is exactly the way I teach it. Almost everything, 90 something percent of the book is exactly the way I teach it. But he had this idea about sharing the Goldilocks zone that was just slightly different than the way I've heard it before. So I really wanted to share it with you today in this week's live video, so that it can help you. So we can help move you forward. Particularly at this time of year.
 
So many people are setting goals, taking actions, you know, and if you were, if you've watched last week's video (video number 53), about getting 2020 Goal clarity, then one of the things I asked you to do was to break down your habits into sets of actions and to take action on them. So this week is a great opportunity to check back in. If you haven't, by the way done that worksheet you want to go get it. G check out video number 53 (click here to watch it). There's a link in the description to download the worksheet. Because, you know, so many people at this stage can then check in and you can check in - have you achieved the goal you set? Did you perform the actions you wanted, or not?
 
One of the reasons why we don't So if you haven't, it's not uncommon. Now we're week two of the year, people who have made new year's resolutions, to start not following through them. One of the reasons why that happens is, when we often set goals, we underestimate the amount of effort that's actually required. And so we don't make realistic changes. You don't even think about what it's actually going to be like to live that action. Live that habit. In our life, in the actual circumstances where it's needed, where we're going to practice it. You really want to consider that. Now, last week's worksheet helps you do that.
 
The other thing is reason why we don't do it, is because we set something that's really too far beyond our skills at the moment. You know, I like to say if you're, you haven't been exercising, we, you know, obviously check with your doctor before you start, but if you get the okay...We don't start by running a marathon. We start by going for a walk. We start with five minutes, we just go up to the end of the block and come back, and gradually build on it. Always just pushing a little bit beyond your current level or staying in your current level to reinforce it. But that's the key, right? We try and take too many changes at once, or we try to go too far beyond our level. And today, I really want to help you not do that.
 
So there is a worksheet. In today's, for today's lesson as well. You can click on the link down below the video and download that worksheet so you can follow along and help you get your actions your steps into the Goldilocks zone. Now, if you did achieve your goals this week, you did follow through with your actions I must say Bravo, keep doing the action. Mastery requires repetition. And make sure you then, as you're practising it, listen in to today's topic, so that you know when it's time to change up that habit.
 
You also use today's worksheet to check all of the other actions that you brainstorm that you haven't yet done. So that You can move on to the next one, when you're ready, in a way that actually is gonna allow you to follow through and do the steps do the action, to make it part of your life. So, once you've got the worksheet or if you're going to download it after watching, think about these questions, maybe you can pause, you can download it now, you can watch it again.
 
So, the first question, what are the new habits or behavioural changes that you actually want to make? Now, if you have done the worksheet from video number 53, from the goal clarity worksheet day, you already have a list of habits and you'll have broken them down into action steps.
 
So what do you actually want to achieve? What's your real goal? Why are you making change? What do you want to achieve? And then...what are all of the steps you could take to move you in direction to get you going to work towards achieving that goal?
 
And as you think about these as you start brainstorming them, I really want you to pay attention to what happens in your mind. Look out for your brain giving you a dialogue, you know. Which of those habits which of those goals, which actions would be 'too easy' for you? Now, the reasons you'll know that it will get too easy is your brain will start to give you excuses or reasons why, why you can't. But it will often do, is do it in this way and go "oh, why bother? That won't achieve anything. It's not worth it". In this instance, I want you to write them down anyway. So just notice, maybe put a little E in brackets after. So write that down, maybe put those ones that (if you give) your brain gives you "pfft - that that won't matter. That won't count that won't do anything. It's not worth it". Put it down into the it's too easy category.
 
Now if your brain gives you different reasons, it starts to make up reasons why you can't do it. Because of this, because of that, it's too hard, I need this, I need that persons buy in etc etc. So it starts giving you all the reasons why you can't, then all I want you do is take that. Don't worry about judging it. Don't worry about solving for those things. Just notice that your brain's giving you excuses. And put that action step for the moment in the 'too hard' category. It's too hard because your brain's giving you reasons why you can't.
 
Lastly, if you get any of those that are neither of those things -  your brain doesn't give you any dialogues, it's just like "yeah, I can do that" -just write that down in the Goldilocks zone. Chances are it's already in that zone. We'll check as we go along, but write in there, for now. So take a few minutes, take 10 minutes, write down all of the actions you could take. What else could I do? What else could I do? What else would move me towards my goal? And fill them out. Notice what your brain does and put them into too easy, too hard, or just right.
 
I started to say before, I never underestimate the impact of small changes. And particularly as we're training something new, we're trying to create a habit or behaviour that we've not been practising...then remember that all we have to do, is start to gain momentum. As we start to do things, even little things, we start to build up a list of accomplishments. We start to retrain our identity as someone who achieves instead of avoids. This is really, really important to switch your identity over to someone who can, instead someone who can't.
 
So don't be frightened of starting small. Don't be frightened of using little tiny changes. Have them be easy, that's okay. Particularly as they're new. So they're new, we want to urge towards the easy part of the zone, not too easy, but easy.
 
You know, we tend to underestimate what we are capable of, in the long term. So many times in my life, I've thought "that's impossible" or "I'll never", "I'm never going to be able to do that". Why bother? And yet, by taking those things and breaking them down into smaller, smaller tasks, we can get them into the Goldilocks zone, we can get them into the place where we can get started. We can start to make progress, we can start to transform our capabilities that transforms our perception of what is possible for us.
 
You know, originally when I had an extra 50 kilos on if you'd asked me 13 years ago, could I lose 50 kilos, I would have thought you're mad. You're a crazy person, You're speaking gibberish. You know, when I first started losing my weight, and I looked at the healthy weight range, and I was told that I had to lose 34 kilos. It's actually more than that. But anyway, I was told at the time, 34 kilos to get into my healthy weight range, I just about had a heart attack. There's no way! That's impossible! My aim, in my head, was to maybe lose 20 kilos over two years.  But because I didn't let that big number freak me out, I went Okay, wait, wait. I can't do all that. it's too much, you know? And my coach at the time said, well, let's lose one kilo. I'm like, okay, I can do that. What do I have to do? And then it got started, and I lost that first kilo. Now ok what do I have to do next and lost and kept going. And turns out, because as you know, I lost 50 kilos, and I've now maintained them for over 12 years. So don't be frightened of breaking it down into just the small steps. If you feel overwhelmed, put it in the too hard and we'll come back with what to do in the moment.
 
Watch out for that feeling that your brain just wants to give up on it. You know, when we decide things in our mind that something is too hard, we simply stop. End the story. We give up, we make no effort. We simply believe a thought that our brain is offered us. "I can't do it, it's too hard, it's too much". And then that becomes true for us. Thoughts always show up in the results of our life, always.
 
So when we take action, even when it seems small or insignificant, we create momentum. I've always found that momentum always moves us towards our goals. Taking action, gets your results. You either succeed or you'll learn. You'll get clarity, and you'll be able to take the next step and then the next step.
 
If you don't challenge yourself, you'll never realise who you are capable of becoming.
 
You know, research shows that humans get into the flow state - that state of being absorbed in a task, where you start something and lose a sense of time, you kind of almost disappear while you're into it. And then suddenly, you'll wake up and become conscious again later on when it's done. Or, you know, after a certain amount of time. This flow state is probably our most productive state, it's really powerful. The research shows that humans get into this flow state on average about so when tasks are about 4% beyond our current ability. That's all. Not 50%, not 80%, not 100%, not 20%, just 4% beyond our current ability. So it's something we have to engage our brain we have to consciously work at, but it's not too hard. It's just beyond our capabilities - and you have to improve a little tiny bit to get it done.
 
So, as we go through this journey as you start to create your habits, as you start to build the life you want to be building and remember that to keep improving, you have to continually search for challenges that push you to that edge. While being aware enough to notice if you're getting in that it's too hard, it's too much. In which case, you need to pull back a little bit, make it a bit easier, so that you can continue to make progress, which then helps you stay motivated.
 
So, let's look back at your list, right put them down, classify them as too hard or too easy, or just right. If you want to get more actions into the Goldilocks zone, into the just right, then you want to ask yourself... for everything that in the too easy category, what would be one step beyond too easy? What would make it easy, but not too easy in your mind? Now, I can't tell you the answers to this. But notice in your own brain. It has the answer. It has the wisdom, it has your current thinking in there. At some point you decided something was too easy.
 
You know, I always ask, when people want to make changes, if there's a change that they could be doing, that they're not doing, but when they think about it, it makes them go..."Pfft of course I could do that". Right? They scoff at it. It's like, it's so simple, why even bother? But I really, I really want to encourage you. When you're starting a new habit. It's important to keep the behaviour as easy as possible, so that you can stick with it when difficulties arise. When life draws your focus. When there are challenges or obstacles or concerns that start to get in the way.
 
That's why you want it to be easy. That's why you don't want to take on too much. Because you're gonna have to spend willpower and energy and time and resources on other things. So you want to just preserve a change that is easy enough, that it doesn't require much of those things. Just a little willpower, just a little effort, just a little time. So you really do want the..."pfft, course I can do that". Okay, well, if it's something you're not doing, that would move you towards your goal. Do that thing!
 
Commit to doing it every day. Commit to doing it every day for the next seven days, or 30 days, or 100 days. Establish a routine. That's what we're trying to do here. Remember, habits are just choices we've repeated multiple times until they become unconscious. You have to establish a routine.
 
Now I really want you to notice what your brain does. When I said there...do it now for seven days in a row, or do it for 30 days to do four a hundred days. Did your brain switch how easy or hard it would be? Just notice that. if it did, revise your action. Remember we want to keep it in the Goldilocks zone. Establishing a routine? Keep it on the easy scale, so that you can do it when times are difficult.
 
Of course, once you have established the routine, that's a great place to start. We want to do that. So if you're there saying, Yeah, Brian, I know that I'm already doing the things. I've established everything. Okay. I want to change up my routine, what's next? Once it's established, it's really important then to keep looking for little improvements that keep you engaged, that keep pushing you out to that edge. I think I said this earlier. You know, mastery requires practice. Remember, when we keep practising a habit, a change, an action, the easier it gets.
 
Think about walking or driving, or learning to write your name a learning to speak, learning a skill, maybe you learned a musical instrument, or you've learned to dance or you've learned to do a task at your work. That at one point you couldn't do. That was initially challenging. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
 
Notice that our brain shifts the goalposts as we're going along, right. As we practice, things get easier. And then hence, they actually also get more boring. The more we practice a routine, the more boring it becomes. Now, that's often why we break our routine, because a brain is looking for novelty, it's doing something different. And then often, you know, when we're looking at food changes or movement changes, exercise changes, mindset changes, our brain will often go, Oh well I've blown it now. And it just reverts back to the old habit, if the new one hasn't been trained enough to become the default.
 
So notice when you're getting to that stage, once you establish your routine, if it's starting to get boring, if it's starting to feel really easy. You know, sometimes you'll get the stage you're like, Oh, yeah, I'm really confident now. I know how to do that. I don't have to keep doing it anymore. Notice the complacency that comes there. As soon as you get into that zone. It's moved from easy from the Goldilocks zone into too easy. Boring is a sign at slipped into too easy. And that means it's time to find a challenge that actually pushes you. So can you adjust that goal action? Can you modify it now? Can you step it up to the next level? can you improve it by one to 4%? Just one to four percent.
 
Remember, flow state is 4% What if you just improved 1% every day What could you do to make it more interesting? What could you do to make it more challenging? Or could you do to make it more fun? So that you continue to practice? So you keep training that behaviour until it's the new default?
 
Okay. Can you improve one to 4%? If you can do that Kaoru Shinmon (and I'm not sure if I'm saying his name correctly, I'm probably not, I apologise if I am not) has a quote that I love. He says,
 
"Be your biggest competitor. Challenge yourself each day to be better than you were yesterday".
 
If you did that every day? What if you decided for the rest of your life that you're going to improve by 1% every day or one area of your life by 1% every day? That sort of commitment, that sort of adjustment, that's small...is meaningful. It's powerful. And it really can take you into a whole new experience of your life.
 
With that in mind, I really want you to consider what will you commit to doing over the next seven days, so that you are improving? And I'd love for you to share that with me in the comments. What are you going to commit to for the next seven days that moves you towards your goals?
 
Now don't forget to download the worksheet. The link is in the description below. And in there actually have a habit tracker as well. So not only can you use the Goldilocks zone worksheet, there's also a habit tracker where you can commit to taking action. Then I ask you what will happen? What will you do? What's your solution when you feel challenged or you feel like you don't want to (for whatever reason)? And I've put 10 weeks worth of checkboxes there. Maybe you just want to do one week, maybe you want to do four weeks, maybe one or two or 10 weeks.
 
Let's make that commitment, post it somewhere where you can see it. And tick it off. Build that momentum. Build that sense of accomplishment. It's how we conquer everything in our lives.
 
Well, if you need help figuring out what to do if it's too hard or too easy, finding the right level for you getting in the Goldilocks zone, or if you just need support to actually enact in the change, making it a realistic part of your life, then, feel free to get in touch. Comment below, send me a message. And remember that you can sign up for a free coaching conversation with me. We can do a consultation about what coaching might be like and see if it's a good fit for you. Simply go to LiveMoreLife.com.au and request an exploratory coaching call. I'll be in touch with set one up, to have a conversation. For now, if this has been useful for you, make sure you give me a like, give me a comment. If you're watching on my website or on YouTube, make sure you hit the subscribe button so you do get notified of every new video when it goes live. And don't forget to download the worksheet.
 
If you know someone who could use this information, share it with them, direct them to the website LiveMoreLife.com.au/videos or tag them on my social media. Come and follow me on Facebook @LiveMoreLifeCoaching on Instagram @LiveMoreLifeCoaching. For now, make a commitment. Let's make it happen. Seven days, 30 days, a hundred days. Establish your routine. Let's stay in the Goldilocks zone and achieve our new life. Have an amazing day and I look forward to catching up with you soon.
 
Transcribed by https://otter.ai