Are you making goal setting mistakes? (most people do) I want to help you set goals that you actually achieve! In this video I discuss common goal setting or resolution making mistakes and walk you through my recommended process.
Download the worksheet here: https://livemorelife.kartra.com/page/GoalClarity
Are you setting goals wrong? Are you already making resolutions that you're no longer keeping?
For most people that's what happens at this time of year. So, hi, and hello everyone, welcome. Great if you could join me live and great if you're watching on the on replay. Do let me know that you're here. Say hi, give me a like, give me a reaction.
And the thing that I see happen for most people is at this time of year, it's a new start. It's a clean slate. And if you like most people, you probably want some things. You want your life to be different, in some way. There are some things you'd like to accomplish. And I see lots of people, at this time of year, making the mistake of wanting something - setting the outcome of what it is they want. Maybe thinking about what life will be like when they have it. And actually making no realistic plan. Not deciding whether or not they actually want to work on that. Having no plan to actually achieve it.
Maybe you've got a couple of vague ideas, you try one or two things you, you know? You eat healthier for a couple of days or you go for a couple of walks. The trouble is that very quickly, when you do that, real life catches up. We get distracted, we meet a challenge. There's some other emergency or incident or circumstance in a life that demands our attention....Then we "forget" or give up, particularly at the first obstacle. And then what will happen is later (and it may be at the end of the month, in February, perhaps as we get to the end of the year, or at this time next year) and you find yourself actually going 'Oh yeah, I wanted that. I wrote this goal down last year.' Of course, you still don't have it.
Lots of people do that. And if that sounds familiar to you, then stay with me today. I want to help you change that. I want to help you set goals in a way that actually helps you accomplish them. I want you to live more of the life you want to be living? And we're gonna walk step by step through my recommended process today.
Now, there's actually a worksheet that goes along with this video. I'm going to post the link in the notes at the end of the video so you'll be able to see it down below. Click on that link, download the worksheet and make some time to actually follow along. Fill it out as you go.
What do you want to accomplish in 2020?
Now there is a temptation here to just always go for the obvious things, one or two answers, three answers. I actually encourage you to spend some time with this and really brainstorm What is it that I would actually like to achieve? What do you want to achieve this year?
Now, there might be lots of different areas might be in your finances, in your health, your weight, your well being, it might be in your fitness, it might be in your relationships, might be in your career, your work. It might be in your personal life, your social life or partnerships. It might be in your self esteem and self confidence. What would you like to achieve? That's different from what you have? And I really encourage you to write down all the things. Don't hold back. Actually, if you want it, if you feel like it's something that would improve your life, would make your life better, the experience of living your life better. And please write it down in the brainstorm section. You know, think about all the things that you've been told you shouldn't have or shouldn't want, or that you're not allowed to have, you're not good enough to have. That you've always wanted, but never really given yourself permission...write them all down. Even the things that you know, wouldn't it just be nice to have. Write as many as you can think of.
So do a brainstorm, get as many things as possible, no holds barred. And the reason why you want to do that straight away is because we're going to turn that into two lists. You're going to look back over that list when you're done it and go, okay, of all of these things here...Which ones am I willing to spend the time, the energy, the mental focus or any other resources that i may need (finances etc.) on doing the work to actually achieve it?
It's a really important question that most people don't ask. Because remember that you're already spending those resources on something. You're already living your life, you're already spending your energy, your focus your resources on what you're already doing.
So are you willing to reallocate, divert some of that energy, some of that attention, some of that focus, some work towards actually spending time on achieving these goals? And it's important to ask yourself here, would I be happy to have spent time on this, even if I don't achieve it? That's a great place to get to. Right?
Because we're going to free you up. It's going to find the things that you actually do desire, that you really do want in your life. And then what will happen is when you're spending time on these things, and I'll explain more about how to in a moment, it's actually a worthwhile use of your time. You don't feel like it's time wasted.
So, what are all the things I want? What am I actually willing to spend the time, energy, mental focus, and other resources on achieving? What's important enough for me to persist with, to continue on with and to try again, if I hit a challenge, if I get distracted, if the first thing I try doesn't work? What am I willing to work on?
Now, any of those other things not on that first list, it's still worthwhile having them around. If you decide you're not willing to spend energy on them. That's okay. Just note that down. I'm just gonna leave them there for the moment. Maybe the other ones you want to circle. They're the ones we're going to take into part two. For part one, it's good to have those though. Michael Neal calls those other ones the fairy godmother list. That you're not willing to spend any time on it but if fairy godmother arrived and waved her Magic, magic wand and they just fell into your lap, they just appeared in your life, It'd be a wonderful thing. You'd be grateful. It'd be an improvement in your life.
So it's good to know what those things are in your life. Know what your fairy Godmother things are. But then look at them, set them aside and then go, Okay, these are the things I'm actually going to work on. Okay, so we've now got that new list of accomplishments you want to spend time on.
For each one of those, we're going to separate them out and do them individually. So when you get to the worksheet, part two, and part three, particular part two, though, the new habit roadmap, we want to do this on each one of these accomplishments.
So this is where you want to start brainstorming...To accomplish these goals, what actions will you need to be doing differently? What new habits will you need to develop? How will this require you to shift your identity? That means, who do you need to become?
So for instance, if you're a person who wants to stop overeating, maybe one things you want to do is start serving up two thirds, three quarters of what you normally have. Maybe you're going to stop at one plate and not go back for seconds. Maybe you're going to leave the last bite of every meal on your plate. Maybe you can tune in and really listen to your hunger signals. So you get to know where what feels like hunger, what feels like satisfaction (neither hungry or not), and we're you feel full, we're you feel overfull. So you can start to change.
That's just one example. There might be lots of different things here. You might have to define yourself as a person person who never eats more than they need. interesting idea, right? I'm just not a person who eats more than I need. It doesn't matter how much is there, doesn't matter if it's on offer, doesn't matter what social pressure is coming my way. I never overeat.
Okay, so think about all those things. Brainstorm what actually would I be doing different? You know, what would it be like, in the moment when you're practicing this new action? What's the reality of living it?
You know, that means I'm going to have to stop when I'm satisfied. I'm going to have for instance, for the not overeating one, I gonna have to stop when I'm satisfied. I'm gonna have to leave food on my plate. I'm gonna have to politely decline when I'm not hungry.
What's the reality of living it? And then you may even want to break each habit further down into individual action steps. What are all of the different steps I could take that move me towards this new habit?
You know if one of the habits is improving your fitness this year, maybe you're going to schedule in time for exercise. Okay, so in your diary…I'm going to have to go, get my diary out. I'm going to look at what's there. I'm going to share some times that are realistic and have to look at what's going to move. What do I have to change? Do I need to get up earlier? Do I need to get to bed earlier? Do I need to have my clothes laid out my shoes laid out? Do I need to sign up to the gym, if I'm going to the gym or the local pool or to a fitness class or personal trainer? Do I need to have my water bottle? Have I looked at my local area or Google Maps, or have I decided where I'm going to go for my walk? Write down all of the steps that are required.
Then you also want to think about what challenges, both internal and external, might get in the way of you achieving this goal. And when I talk about internal challenges, these are things like our self doubt, insecurity, our fear, our laziness, procrastination? What if you just don't want to? Or if it's hard or if you failed last time you tried it? What challenges might come up internally? It might be that voice in your mind that says 'I'm too tired. Don't worry about it, stuff it just have a sleep in or just eat that extra'. What's going to happen in your mind and your thoughts and your feelings? What's your internal blocks to achieving this goal?
One way to look at those in anticipation might be to ask yourself "Why haven't I achieve this goal already?" Notice what comes up? Is it internal things…I didn't really want it. I didn't feel like it. It was too hard. I didn't believe I could. Was it external things? You said something like, 'I'm too busy, I don't have time. People around me don't want me to' etc. So look, if you're blaming people, or the circumstance of the situation, they're external reasons. You have other responsibilities and obligations on your time, maybe you're using your energy, your mental focus your resources another way, in fact, I guarantee that using them another way, if you haven't already achieved it.
So what are the internal things? What are the external things? And then for each of those challenges that arise? What steps could you take, let's brainstorm some ideas, about how you will overcome it? So for instance, in my not overeating example, I'm satisfied I've had enough. And then people around the table with me are going 'Oh, aren't you gonna finish that? Go on or have a little extra? Don't you like it? I made it special. Can I get you something else?'
Interestingly, I'm thinking about that one, I was distracted for a moment because I'm thinking about, there's both an internal and external one that often happens there. You've got these external pressure and then internally, we think something like 'Oh they'll think I'm rude, so I better eat it.'
So really think about that. If you're gonna be a person who's going to leave food on your plate, if you're going to politely decline, you're going to have to become a person who lets people think you're rude for not eating it. Might have to be able to say to them..."Hey, you know what, look, I'm really looking after my health and well being at the moment, I'm looking after my weight. Look, I'm really trying to stop the habit I have of overeating. And I've, I've realized I've had enough now. I am actually satisfied. So thank you. I'd rather not finish it".
And just notice, for me just putting out there, your reason why - now you never have to justify, you can just politely decline - but even in your own mind, notice that reinforcement of the new habit. I'm no longer overeating. I'm trying to break a habit here. People who love and care about us will get on board, they'll want to support us to succeed. And people who don't will let us know because they'll just keep pressuring us. That's good to know. Because then we know who to not pay attention to, in those moments.
Okay, so once again, we've taken the goal decided the ones that you want to spend time on an energy on, then you've thought about What are the habits shifts, what are the behavioural changes that you actually have to do differently? You've broken those down into individual action steps, and now thought about what challenges will arise, and what things will I do.
Now, I really encourage you to write all of those things down. It's like a little instruction manual, or a little roadmap if you like, so that when those things arrive, you can always just reference it. Oh, what did I say I was going to do, I'm going to do this. Do it on the worksheet.
And as you go through all of these steps, you want to also make sure that all of your actions are active, not passive. I had this idea that I learned from my coach about dead person's goals. Look out for if you have made a goal that so passive, a dead person could accomplish your goal. Now, how does this show up? This shows up in things like I'll "I won't eat the Cake. I'm not having any alcohol. I'm cutting out bread" You know? "I'm not going to have", "I won't over eat.
Notice how passive it is. Could a dead person not over it? Easily. They're not eating it all. Could they not have the cake? Yes easily? No problem. So you want to phrase it actively? What will I do? I will politely decline. I will leave food on my plate. I will stop when I'm actually noticed the sensation of satisfaction, and I'll pay attention to determine that. That makes sense? What will I do?
In my exercise example, I won't skip the gym session or I won't bail on myself, okay. When I feel like skipping a gym session or bailing on my exercise workout, instead, I will...play some music or recommit or write out my why, I'll say it out loud. I'll find a friend, I'll talk to my coach. Whatever you need to do to get yourself actually into action. What will you do instead of what won't you do.
I know this sounds like a lot of work. But I guarantee you that this time is an investment in you, it is worth it. I really want you to consider that, if you're not willing to spend the time working on this roadmap... actually getting clarity on your goals. Chances are, you're not probably going to be willing to spend the time on achieving the goals. So if you're a person who's got resistance to doing this exercise, to writing it down to making the list. To breaking it down into steps, to thinking about the challenge and what you'll do to overcome it. Making them active.... you're probably not gonna achieve those goals.
So be willing to invest some time in this stage, the roadmapping stage, the clarity stage. Because once you get clarity, and you team it up with your conviction, you look at why it matters and why important what difference it's going to make in your life. In fact I'm not sure I mentioned that earlier. But when that brainstorm really do think about that, why do I want this? What difference will it make in my life? Why do I want that? Why is it important that I achieve this? Because that will help you in this moment.
So you've got your clarity, exactly what you're going to do, your conviction, then all you have to do is take action. So just do keep checking in as you do the work, as you go through the list, as you take down all the steps and think about the challenges...Keep checking in. Are you willing to spend the time and energy on this?
I'm practicing this new habit, this new Change. Repetition is required. It's how we make new habits, how we train it in as a way of life. In the end, it's not just something, achieving an outcome, and then going "I'm done". Because you'll tend to go back to where you were. It's achieving an outcome in a way that I can sustain.
If you're losing weight, you have to lose it in a way you can live it. If you're increasing your fitness, you have to do that in a way you're going to be going to do in an ongoing way. You're improving your relationships. You want that to be forever...or for at least as long as you want that relationship.
When you've done the work, and you've got your list of goals and habits and action steps...post them somewhere where you can regularly see them. Maybe they go in the fridge or on the bathroom mirror, back of the toilet door. Maybe it goes in your diary or handbag Perhaps it goes on your desktop, on your wall, somewhere where you can see it. Because all of these actions, all these habits, all these goals need to be regularly reviewed, reflected upon revised. It is a living document that should be updated regularly.
Now, of course, if you want help with that, for me, that's where having a coach on your side helping you hold accountable, I can hold your list of what you want to accomplish and I hold space for that. I'm the person who shows up going 'yeah, this is what we're doing' when you don't want to. So perhaps you want to post your list publicly here and get some accountability. If you want to work with me, you can contact me: Jump on LiveMoreLife.com.au click free exploratory session. Message me on social. Send me an email Brian@livemorelife.com.au and we can talk about how I can help you actually accomplish your goals.
Kerry, you say I suffer from inflammation when exercise it makes the inflammation worse, right? So that that's right, so you increase more cortisol. So you're going to have to work with your doctors then about what sort of things can you do that finds a healthy balance for you. Where you can increase your fitness in a way that works for you, and doesn't unduly increase your inflammation? Right? Are there gentle exercises that don't spike your cortisol? You know, can it be yoga and pilates? Can you get into a pool? Can you be water walking? So that's the thing. So that's your challenge. There's an internal challenge.
What steps can you take to overcome it? Can it be small amounts of gentle exercise repeated frequently throughout the day rather than big blocks of exercise? So you aren't getting big blocks of stress hormone? What can you do that is easy, or that's at the edge of your comfort zone, so it's not as stressful on your body.
So once you've got your list, you've got to posted. Now I want you to then break it down. To just pick one of the actions that you can do today. And then do it.
Nothing is achieved in mind alone. But that means is you can't just think about it. It's not enough. It's not going to happen in the world. You do have to believe it it's possible for you. You do have to start with the foundation that you can, and that you're willing to invest the time and energy and the resources. You have to focus your commitment on doing that. Why you have to look at why it matters. That's why you have to break it down into easy steps. So make the steps obvious, make them easy, make them small, so that it doesn't take so much willpower.
What I know is, it can take 30, 60 days, maybe even up to 256 days to train in a new habit. So I like to say you can usually train in one per month, one every two months, something like that. But just think about that, if you break it down into the little steps you do every day and you just keep doing those small steps. You don't have to worry about the big goal. You don't have to worry about the overall habit. It will just be the inevitable consequence of taking those actions.
So you never have to stress out, never have to feel overwhelmed. You can just do one small thing at a time and it really adds up. Imagine if you could just change 12 habits, or six habits or four habits...maybe if you did one a quarter? What if you just change for habits for the better this year? If you picked four that are really meaningful for you, think about what an impact that could have on your quality of life.
Pick one of the actions that you could do today. You could do now...and do it.
Repetition is required to make those new habits routine and automatic. So consciously practice them one at a time. Remember to review your progress, revise your process, come back to those challenges. Maybe there are challenges you haven't anticipated that come up. Have you had a plan and then you didn't follow through it with it, the way you expected to? Maybe you need to revise the plan. Maybe you need to recheck your commitment. Maybe you need to take a different action instead.
So continually review, revise, repeat. If you do so accomplishing your goals becomes the inevitable consequence. It's almost like they happen by accident. You know, sometimes when I'm working with clients and even in my own life when I do this, that you're going along, and then suddenly you just like, it's like a surprise. Oh, I'm actually already there. I've actually accomplished that goal. And I kind of didn't even notice, because I was already just focused on the little steps I could do every day.
Okay, well, that's the process I recommend. Remember, you can download the worksheet. I'm going to put the link under the video. So click on that link, download the worksheet, just have to pop in your email address and I'll give you access to it. Let me know who you are and have access to it.
If you need help with it. Either filling it out or enacting it, bringing it into your life. Get in touch. I'd love to help you. I want to make this the year that you stop writing down the same goals you write down every year, and actually accomplish them.
Grab the worksheet, spend some time in filling it out. Break down your goals into the habits, into the behavioural changes that needed to make it appear. Make it realistic in your life, make it accomplished. Make sure they're things you want to spend time on. Break those habits down into steps. Think about your challenges, think about how you overcome them. And then pick one thing to start today.
I hope this video has been helpful for you. And I wish you every success in 2020 in your future life. And I'll be back next week with a new video. Have a great day. And I'll look forward to speaking with you then. Bye for now.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
After losing my 50 kg I've made it my mission to help others transform their minds, overcome emotional eating and create the life they want to be living.