2019 #52 What are your 'normal' habits?

What is your 'normal' behaviour?
Is that consistent with the life you want?
Are you willing to be the 'odd one out' to achieve odd one out success?

Transcript
​​Successful people consistently do what normal people refuse to do. It's a quote from Andy Frisello, and it's one I absolutely love, particularly this time of year. Hi, everyone. At the time of recording, this is the 30th of December 2019 - we're between Christmas and New Year's - and it's a time where I really like to get to thinking about what is 'normal'.

I have so many people come to me for help with their weight loss or their relationships with the experience of their life. And they want to change, they want to transform, they want to lose weight, get healthier, be fitter, they want to have closer, more connected relationships. And in every case, all that's really happened is that they've developed a habits that have become normal, that aren't actually helping that aren't supporting the result, the outcome, the life that they actually want to be happening.
 
I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. And wherever you're watching whether you're watching live or in replay, I really want you to consider what are the 'normal' habits of 'normal' people at this time of year? For most people, it involves perhaps still overeating, the Christmas leftovers, buying more stuff in for the New Year's celebrations. Maybe it's the chips and the lollies and the crackers and the cheese and the nuts and the chocolates. I don't know the vol-au-vents, whatever it is, maybe it's the seafood. But for most people, the habits at this time of year are overeating, over consuming over drinking, staying up later than they wish to watch the fireworks or see the new year in.
 
I really want you to consider what do you want to be your new normal? What has been your normal in the past? In past years, what have you done? Now, don't get me wrong, I understand that there is a certain tribal mentality going on here. Our primitive brain is programmed to go along with what other people are doing and to do the same sorts of things. So much so that we're often not even conscious of this. You know, you're not hungry, you not eating anything, anything but people around us sitting around the food and someone else will eat something, and you reach for the food. Everyone else is having drinks. So if you're like, I'll just have an extra one. I'll just have a top up as well. I need to keep pace.
 
It's really interesting to consider how many people are sabotaging their health and well being for that event, that (that) undermining the life that they actually want to live. And for most people what is normal is to have regret on New Year's Day to start the new year or, for this year that it'll be the new decade, with remorse with guilt, with embarrassment or shame with disappointment in ourselves.
 
I really want to offer for you that there's another way to do it. You don't have to do that way. If you're willing to go against the normal. If you're willing to be the odd one out. If you're willing to make changes that are consistent with the life you actually want. You know, when it comes to managing a healthy weight, are you a healthy person living a healthy life? Will your actions on New Year's Eve, New Years day reflect that?
 
You know, so often we have these cultures, we have this custom built up, this social tribal acceptance that this is what is done at this time. And as I said, we have a strong primitive biological drive to go along with it. What I love about our evolved, our sophisticated brains that we have, is that we go beyond animal instinct. We can recognize the urges, the desires, the temptation, and we can override it. We can choose to be aligned without greater purpose, our greater goals, then the fleeting gratification of a moment. We can actually go beyond our instincts. That is one of the things that's made humans, the most dominant animal, arguably, on the planet - that we can can go beyond a simple instinct.
 
And I really want you can see that if you would change it if you would start to create customs that you want to be continuing every Christmas, (every) and between every Christmas and New Year and every New Year's Eve and every New Year's Day from here on...What might that look like? Might it be different from what you have been doing?
 
Creating customs, creating habits, creating rituals and routines. never happens spontaneously. None of these rituals that we have started with our collective agreement. It's simply that someone did something. Someone made a choice. Someone else went okay, I'll go along with that choice. I'll do that too. Collectively that group, of course, we see it in social situations, in media and social media, and movies, in our friends, circles, habits of our family and prior generations.
 
But all customs are collectively created, someone has to go first, someone has to start. And then like any habit, any habit that we have, it's so unconscious for us. We do it and then we do it repeatedly until we don't have to think about it anymore. But at some point, you didn't do it. You know, you weren't born, brushing your teeth, knowing how to drive, knowing how to write or speak. All of those habits that we take for granted, often now are simply habitual choices, actions that we've repeated until we don't have to think about them anymore, until they've hardwired in our brain to be automatic. And I want to offer that if you want to create a healthy life, if you want a successful life, if you want to have the health, the weight, the relationships that you want to be having, then you have to act in accordance with those outcomes.
 
You have to create habits that lead you to that outcome naturally. It has just become a way of life. Someone has to go first. New transformation has to start somewhere. So when will you start your transformation? When will you do something different? If you do want to start straightaway, I encourage you to do the following...to really think about well okay, what are my normal habits? What are my past behaviors? This time of year, what do I normally do? What is the expectation of the people around me? What will the other people expecting me, me to normally be doing? And do I want that behavior as my normal?
 
That's so amazing that we have the power to choose. And if not, if you want it to be different than it is, then I encourage you to make a list - actually write down the habits you'd like to be practicing instead of the ones you have been practicing. And if you really want to make them effective, maybe don't try and change everything at once. Pick one or two of them to start with. Make them small, make them easy. Make sure they're really relevant to you. Stay connected to why it matters for you to create that life, that outcome that you wish. Can you stay connected to your why reason why?
 
I like to encourage you to make the changes small and easy, is because when we are in the face of perceived rejection, or criticism or judgment from others, which might happen if we're the one to politely decline the extra drinks, to politely decline the overeating, to provide a healthy food in a healthy portion for us, to advocate for our health and well being, to have the courage to be genuine and authentic, from ourselves towards others, to actually say all we really want to say, instead of holding back and hiding and going along to get along. Can we stop people pleasing others, in order to please ourselves? In order to really show up and be proud of the person we are becoming? You have to step into that role.
 
So, make it small, make it easy, because in the face of all of those change, other people might not react positively. You might hear criticism, "oh, go on. It's just one night of the year. It's a special occasion. Why don't you? You're no fun anymore." You don't have to believe any of those things. You don't have to give up what you want, just because someone else wants it. In the end, we teach people what is acceptable to us by what we accept. We teach people how to treat us by what we do.
 
I have so many clients that say they, you know, they've told people in the past, "I really need your support. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to say no. I don't want to have the excess drinks. I don't want to overeat. I don't want to fight so much." And then when the other person keeps doing their old habits... because here's the thing. Other people aren't necessarily watching this video. Other people aren't necessarily undergoing a transformation. Other people aren't necessarily choosing the same choices you are, there still living in their reality. They're still going along with their habitual thinking, their habitual actions. So chances are people will still do what they've always done. So as I said, people have said, they've said no, you know, I've asked my partner or whatever, to not bring me the extra food or to not top up my drinks or whatever and then they still do it. Trouble is when they do what they normally do, back in the past where they they the other player, the partner, the friend, the family member says, "Go on just have some It's a special occasion and all, you know, yeah, I heard you mean it, but I made this one special for you", or, you know, you don't. They're thinking of course, you're saying that because you want to be good and you want to be perceived as 'being good' - but you don't really want to do those things.
 
Perhaps they're in diet mentality and think you have to go without,  or be deprived. But did you know you can politely decline decline without going without? You can decide not to have excess without being deprived? It's totally possible. So of course, other people are still going to act the way they've always acted. And they might notice if you're acting differently. So make the changes small, make them easy. Make them something that you can feel you can advocate for, that you can stand up against that social pressure, that you can recognize that other people are still going to do whatever they're going to do...and I urge you to give them permission to do it.
 
They're not doing it wrong because you want to change. Have compassion and understanding. They're just running on the old script. They haven't gotten the updated notes that you have. So make a list of the habits you want to change, pick one or two of them, that you could make small, easy adjustments to connect to your Why, so that you can advocate for yourself. So you can stand firm, right? I kept telling that story of, you know, we tell people one thing, and then they do their old habit, they go "Go on", and then we give in to their pressure. We go along to get along, and when we do, we give up our success, and we teach them we didn't really mean it.
 
I don't know how many times I used to do that. You know? And tell people on, you know, back in the day, when I had my extra 50 kilos on I'd be saying things like, Oh, you know, I'm being really good. I'm going on a diet. I'm being really focused, like all the things you said all the time. And then when it came to a party or celebration when we're talking about those things, they put out the normal things,  they'd say go on it's a special occasion just this time, and I would teach them but I didn't really mean what I said because I would go and have those things. So it was learning to change that, to be the odd one out to go 'do you know what, I'm not going along with the herd behavior, this time'. I'm not going to people please other people, I'm not going to put their feelings ahead of my success.
 
It takes courage, it takes bravery. Because we have to fight against our instinctive tribalism, and instinctive go along to get along. But here's the beauty of what happens when you do, when you stay firm. When your words and your actions are in alignment - then other people learn. All of my friends who at one time said Oh, you're not fun anymore. You don't because I didn't excessively drink with them every time we got together at a party. I didn't massively overeat. You know, once I said, No, I really mean it. I need to change these. I can't keep doing this to my health. I need your support. I need your respect.
 
Now, of course, you don't actually need those things. It's nice to have them. But I said those, and then, because my friends did actually care about me, they backed off a little bit of the pressure. And ever since then, we still get together, we still have fun and they realize that actually, I can still be fun, we still have a great time, we still have a great connection, just don't have to be massively overeating over drinking, we don't have to be sabotaging our health anymore to do it. Now I get to be genuine, I get to be myself. And I get to have the connection that I want with others, because I was willing to show up. I was willing to be the odd one out, I was willing to go against the trend.
 
What happens is sometimes when you do that, other people start to follow. They're inspired by your action. And they do likewise. They decide that your tribe is perhaps better than the tribe they have had. I really want you to consider that at this time of year. What do you want your normal to be?
 
Are you going to go along with everyone else's normal? Just to people please, just do remain part of the tribe, just so you don't have any uncomfortable feelings of rejection or embarrassment? Or are you willing to feel those things? Are you willing to stand up for yourself, to advocate for your health and well being, to make small changes that you can live with? So that you can be the one who actually is the odd one out who achieves the success who's actually living the life you want?
 
There was a lot in there and of course, realistically, a lot of those things to create that life can take lots of little steps accrued. But you have to start somewhere. Why not start today. Why not make this New Years different? Why not make it part of the life you want to be living? Why not make it consistent with who you want to be?
 
Now, of course, if you'd like some extra help with that, that's where life coaching can really help. You know, a life coach helps you improve both the experience of your current life and helps you support you in creating the life you want. So, if you'd like to have a chat about that, or an experience of what direct one to one coaching can be like, you can book a consultation with me and get help in one particular area. And get a clear plan of how you can move forward and achieve the results that you want to achieve, to be living the life you want to be living. If you're interested in doing that, head on over to LiveMoreLife.com.au click on free exploratory session. I'll be in touch we'll set up a time, and we'll have a quick chat about one area you need help with and talk about, if you want,  what it might be like to work together and actually create that life.
 
With or without my help, you can start now. You can make one or two or three small changes that you can live with, that you're willing to advocate for. You can be the odd one out and create a new normal that works for you. Maybe inspire others to make a new normal too.
 
I hope you have an amazing day it this video has been helpful for you make sure you give me a like or a follow if you're watching on YouTube, make sure you subscribe or you can subscribe to my newsletter at LiveMoreLife.com.au to get my weekly hints and tips.
 
For now, choose success. Be the odd one out. Your willing to be different. And let's make your success, normal. Have an amazing day. And I look forward to talking with you in 2020 Bye for now.
 
Transcribed by https://otter.ai