2019 #48 Your Capacity for Success

Do you believe you can succeed with your healthy lifestyle and/or weight loss in any situation (including over over the festive season)? What is your capacity for sustaining your success? Here are some of my thoughts about how to build that capacity.

Transcript
​What is your belief about your capacity to succeed? Especially at this time of year? With the holidays, the end of year celebrations, the school breakups, the travel, the guests, the visitors, the temptation, food and the indulgences. What is your belief about your capacity to create and live a healthy life at this time of year?

I really want to ask you that question today and especially if you're a person who's sitting there and thinking and answering "not much". It's too hard. I can't do it. There's too many things on. It's too much out of my control. I'm no good with the portions or with the choices or with the temptations. The social pressure or the judgment or the criticism or the angst or the frustration, or the work of it. And I really want to talk to you today, I really want to help you shift this idea that you can't succeed.
 
I truly believe that you do have everything you need within you at the moment you have it. Now, there's a great quote "you have within you right now everything you need to deal with whatever the world throws at you".
 
You have the capacity within you already. Now, I ask this question today because I work with so many people and I've seen so many people over the years, really kind of throw their hands in the air, give up, put it off, start again next year - at this time of year. "It's all too hard" and just assume that they can't because they look back and the experience of their life with has happened before, the kind of habits that they've already formed. And they see that in previous times. They haven't managed things healthfully. They haven't kept them in a healthy balance.
 
But I believe success at this time of year starts with attitude. It starts with our belief about ourselves. Starts with deciding who are we going to be showing up as - a person who thinks it's all too hard, they can't do it, that they're just gonna write off Christmas and probably January, and then get back into it, when the kids go back to school in February. Maybe you'll get started after Christmas, when everything settles down, when you get back to work or when all of the events that are on stop.
 
Trouble is, as I mentioned last week when I talked about looking at your customs at this time of year, your habits, your rituals and routines, and I asked you the question last week, so you could say, well, I don't have to keep the ones I've been doing. I can do things differently. But that starts with your belief that you can. I wonder what would be different if you did show with the idea that I'm a healthy person, so of course, I look after my health and well being during this time. No matter what's going on.
 
That's actually one of my core beliefs now. I want you to start with this idea of what if I'm right, what if you really do have the capability? That's what we're talking about at the start. There's kind of two parts to this this. Capability, am I able to make healthy choices? Am I able to stop when I'm satisfied? Consider my portions? Am I able to move in a way that works for me? I'm able to think kind and loving and caring thoughts about others and about myself? Yes, I believe you can do all of those things.
 
So there's capability, and there's also this capacity, not just to achieve, but then to be living with that achievement. Now, this topic came to me today because one of my great teachers, Brooke Castillo from The Life Coach School, she teaches about the capacity to have, in terms of money in terms of finances, in terms of a rich experience of life. And I think this comes into play here as well. When it comes to health and well being, when it comes to our food choices, when it comes to our weight loss - is, we sometimes have a desire for things to be different... We want to get to Goal, we want to reduce our size and shape, we want to be able to wear that outfit. We want to be able to look good at the beach, for instance, whenever it is... But we haven't thought about what it's like, we haven't created the capacity, the space in our lives to live like that.
 
This is where I see most  people get it wrong when they're trying to lose weight when they're trying to diet when they're trying to make changes for the short time. Just to get to a particular result. I firmly believe that we have to lose weight in a way that we're going to maintain weight. We have to create healthy habits and healthy everyday routines that are going to become part of our everyday life. I believe that is essential for sustaining our success.
 
So there's capability and capacity to achieve and there's capability to sustain and maintain a lifestyle, that also sustains our goals. And that has to come from a place of love and self care. It has to come from looking after and wanting the best for ourselves, we also have to believe that we are worthy of having it. Before you can win, you have to believe you're worthy of success. You have every right to be living your life that you want, in a way that nurtures you that fulfils you, that lets you create abundance in your own life that you can then, if you wish, share with others. That's part of what this is all...(important)
 
So, I think it's such a tragedy to give up the opportunity that is presented to us at this time of year. Here's the chance to make that change. As I said in my last video, what if this is the time you create the new habits, create the routines and rituals and customs that will serve you, that you want to be practicing for the rest of your life. Can you create space now, for the life you want?
 
Instead of deciding it's too busy, too hard. There's too much on. There's too much temptation. There's too much pressure. If you took all that away and just go actually, how do I want to be living? Have I allowed myself the capacity for success? I really want you to answer these questions. What is your current capacity for success?
 
And just notice what comes up? Do you believe that firstly that you can? That it's possible for you? Could this be the start of a new forever and that you could sustain it in an ongoing way? Do you believe in your capacity to handle any adversity, any challenges, any disruption that will probably come your way?
 
Because in the end that's what we're all creating. A life. Not where it's perfect, not where it's, um, you know, we're in a good in the good times, when it's easy. But we want to create a life where we're healthy no matter what's going on. No matter the circumstances, no matter the challenges. What is your capacity to be around temptation food, to have indulgences, to have treats, to have social pressure? Maybe judgment, maybe criticism, maybe complements? What is your capacity to be true to yourself? To stay in a caring and loving place, at least for you, ideally for everyone else as well, in any of those circumstances? What is your capacity to make a decision for you?
 
Now I believe that capacity is in fact, limitless. I said you have everything within you right now, to deal with whatever's going on. I do believe that life doesn't give us challenges that we can't handle. Everything happens for us, not to us. I want you to recognize a great quote by Madeleine Albright. It says "what we have the capacity to choose. We have the capacity to change".
 
And I really want to invite you to recognize that every choice you're making at the moment, at this time of year, is just that. it is a choice. It is not the food or the other people, or the situation, the circumstance, social pressure, making you or causing you to eat in a certain way, eat a certain amount, make a certain choice, to avoid the exercise or to procrastinate or to get too caught up in your mind and self judgment, in comparison and criticism, to get stuck in what you don't have, instead of what you do. Whenever we have the capacity to choose, we have the capacity to change because we are choosing it.
 
Can you be present with your success? Can you allow it in and welcome it? Have you made space in your life? Life in your mind for your success? I see this sometimes come up with people, with my members with clients, with people I work with who try and 'white-knuckle' it. Sometimes we try and just 'be good', 'be disciplined', 'be focused', go without, not have...in order to get there. In order to achieve a result.
 
This is where we really shift between capability and capacity. Probably you may even have proven that you have the capability of doing it. But when we're doing it in that way, from that space, of it being hard and difficult and an effort, and fighting to achieve the results, rather than a life, then often when we get there, we achieve that result - we make a healthy choice, we get through a meal, when we get through an event with our certainty intact - then we're " ahh I made it, here, I've been so good, now I can have a reward". Now I can do something that undermines my success. Because we're not comfortable with experiencing that success.
 
But sometimes my clients will be working and they work in their belief and then suddenly, they'll do something like, "Oh, hey, I just did something really healthy for me". And it's like almost a surprise that comes out. And sometimes it goes, if we're not familiar with that, right? It feels a bit strange for us to be going, "Oh, actually, I don't have to overeat at this Christmas party. I don't have to eat all of the temptation, indulgent choices just because they're there. I can choose when and how much to eat. I can stop whenever I want and I can be firm to my commitment and myself, I can be strong in my self belief and self worth". When others provide pressure..."Come on, it's Christmas, oh look you're doing so well just have a little, it's a special occasion". Or "you're no fun anymore", you know? "go on, live it up, you've got to live". As I said last week, yes, you gotta live - That's why you want to stay firm, why you develop the capacity to be present with your success. Just to experience it and allow yourself to have the joy, and the pleasure of it, and recognize that this could be your new normal, if you want it.
 
Sometimes our brain wants to go back to the old normal, what it's already familiar with, which might be the overeating over drinking and over consumption and, (and and) sedentary time at this time of year. It might be caught up in the story, that it's too hard, it's too busy, it's too chaotic, there's no time. What if those things aren't true? What if you really can have your success and create that as just being your new normal? I offer for you that it's possible.
 
So how do you build your capacity? If your capacity is not where you want it to be, you'd like to expand it? You want to create space in your world for this? Then, firstly, know that you have it within you So start with just believing that it's possible. The rest is figuring it out, the rest is working out how. What works? What doesn't? But start with the idea that of course I can succeed in the end of year silly season. Over Christmas, over New Year, of course I can. Of course I can care for myself at this time.
 
Remember that you have the power of choice. So the more conscious you become of every choice you're making, maybe deliberately say in your mind or out loud, "I am choosing this". I'm choosing these crackers and cheese, this chocolate, this rum ball, this fruit mince pie. I am choosing. I am choosing. Perhaps you're choosing "I am going for a walk". Perhaps I am choosing. "I'm stopping here because I'm satisfied". Or "I'm stopping here at the mains because I want room for dessert. I don't want to be full yet". I'm choosing to politely decline, the invitation to over drink, and overeat.
 
I'm choosing to decline the idea that 'that' is normal and, in fact, not overeating and over consuming has to be justified. It's so fascinating, isn't it, at this time of year, where we've built a culture for many of us, with our friends, our family, our associates, the people we're surround ourselves with, where we have to defend or justify being healthy. Instead of that being the default expectation.
 
I always like to think to myself, don't ever say that loud. Not, not something I would recommend for conversation necessarily over Christmas dinner, but maybe it is maybe it's worth saying - someone's gotta go first. But the idea of course, is that actually Oh, no, I've had enough I'm, I'm done. I've enjoyed the things that I've chosen to have. I don't need any more. Or no, I don't need that extra drink. No, I don't need extra dessert. No, I didn't need that extra serving. In my mind I always like to think "Why do you want me to overeat? And over drink? Why do you want me to over consume? Why do you want to over consume?"
 
Now I'm trying to look back through my own life for when I used to do that. And certainly I spent many years of my life practicing overeating, over consuming, getting stuffed at Christmas, writing December off, maybe most of January as well. And I realized it was just because that's what was done. There was a social expectation. It wasn't that I particularly enjoyed it. Not that I particularly wanted any of those things, in that amount. I didn't want that experience of feeling sick, of feeling lethargic. But we have the capacity to change that now.
 
So build your capacity. So, remember that you have choice, you have agency. You get to choose. You already have all the power you need, within you. It's there. So stay in that belief. And I also want you to think about, how to connect with that life you want. Because you have to do love, like you have to love what it is you're doing or trying to do. Alright? Even if you can't do it yet, you're trying to do it. You have to love the fact that you're doing it. It's such a different place from 'I have to' or 'I should' or 'I must', you know? When we're doing it out of resentment, or obligation, or a feeling of self criticism, or of doubt, insecurity then we're not going to want to keep doing it. It will be very easy to have those little quits, to give up in the moment... to go "it's too had, I can't be bothered".
 
Instead, connect with what is it you are trying to create? Know that is possible to make that your new normal. And then think about do I love what I'm trying to create enough to stay true to it? Let me share a quote from Pele who says "Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice, and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do". Success really is loving the life you're stepping into, loving your reasons for wanting it.
 
Sometimes people feel like, they talk about, not having the capacity to love. But then they might fall pregnant or have another child or a new pet comes into their life, or a new best friend, a friend that becomes the best friend into their life... and suddenly they realize they have extra capacity to love. It was always there. You had it. Choose loving thoughts. So can you love the life you want? Can you open yourself to it and create space for it?
 
Because that's kind of the last thing I wanted to mention here today is that we do have to be ready to receive our success. To be present with it, rather than run away from it, to welcome it into our life. To experience the joy of it as our new normal. So can you make a space, this silly season, this end of Year celebration, for the life that you want to have?
 
It doesn't mean you have to go without. It doesn't mean you have to be in denial. It doesn't mean you can't have treats and indulgence and pleasures. Healthy People have those. They simply have them in a healthy balance. It doesn't mean you can't go to the parties or the celebrations or the functions or the family get-togethers. You can. Healthy People do those things in a healthy way.
 
Don't look at what you have to give up - look at what you have to gain. Decide what you want. Know that you have the capacity to create it. And then step into that belief. Make it a reality through your choices and your actions. You have the power to choose.
 
Well, that's what I have for you today. If you have questions about any of these concepts or you have any doubt, please join me in the comments. post below, send me a message, reach out. I'm happy to chat with any of you to help you through this time.
 
Of course, if you want some official support, you want some extra support. Then remember, you can always book a exploratory coaching package with me. That's a free session where we get to talk about whatever challenge is coming up in your life. We have a look at what it might be like to work together. I'll help you out, and if we're a good fit, we can have a talk about that. If not, you can take the knowledge you can take the understanding, take the help, you can apply it to your life. You can book one of those at LiveMoreLife.com.au just click on free exploratory session.
 
You have the capacity, it's already within you to create the life you want. You have all the tools you need. Can you open yourself for it? And can you create the space for the life you want in the life you have now? I hope you have an amazing week. And I'd love to hear your thoughts.
 
I look forward to talking with you again soon. Bye for now.
 
Transcribed by https://otter.ai