2019 #47 Question end of year habits

What are your end of year habits?
Do you want to keep or change them?
How will you enjoy the holidays, festive season, or social functions and look after your health and well being?

Click here to book a complimentary exploratory coaching session.

Transcript
Hi, everybody. Today, if your joining me live, is the 25th of November 2019. So today, it's one month to Christmas Day. Let that sitting in for you for a moment. And of course, if you're watching on replay, maybe it's closer than that. Maybe it's after Christmas.

If it's before, I want you to consider the topic that we talked about last week. In my last video I talked about waiting for your success to happen versus figuring it out. Actually using this time of year, the end of year festive and holiday season, as an opportunity to change your end of year habits. And I want to expand on that a little bit more today. Because with the end of year season celebrations up and running,  all the activities are in full swing, it really is a good time to check in and go, what are your plans?
 
What are the habits that you have at this time of year? In those social situations, amongst those celebrations, on holiday, what are your habits? And are they serving you? Are they helping you achieve your goals? Are they part of the life that you want to be living? Or are they undermining? Your joy, your happiness, your success, the experience of your life? So I really want you to think about, what are your plans for the rest of this year?
 
I want you to be really honest with yourself. I'm going to encourage you to make sure you have a look, you know, in the back of your mind there. Sometimes you know you might feel.. I don't have time think about it yet, it's too soon, I haven't really you know, I'm too busy. Take a moment. Have you already written off the festive season as part of your healthy life? Have you already said "that's impossible, It's too hard". Have you given up on your success at this time of year? Have you decided that you just can't be bothered working it out..."I'll just keep doing the same things I've always done. I'll start again after Christmas"? Or, have you decided to do something different?
 
Now there's no wrong or right choice here. But I really want you to pay attention to how you feel about your choice. Does it light you up? Does it fill you with purpose? Or does it leave you feeling defeated?
 
If it's the latter, know that there's still time to change. As I said last week, this is the opportunity to really take notice of those habits and to transform those ones that aren't helping into healthy new ones. Cause, you know what? Christmas is going to come around again next year, and the year after. There'll be end of year functions and celebrations and parties and holidays. It's just part of life. And ultimately, we want to come to a place, where I like to live, in a place where none of those things are a big deal. I manage my health, my well being and I enjoy the experience of my life, no matter what's going on.
 
So what are your plans in the back of your mind? Are you feeling assured? confident, capable, determined, focused, willing? Or are you already feeling defeated? hopeless, helpless, embarrassed? If it's the latter, let's change that.
 
So let me walk you through a little process, I'm gonna give you some more questions to think about. And I really encourage you to take some time, invest a little time, to actually answer these questions for yourself. If you can, write down some of the things that are going to have solutions. Like you want to write them down. Because the only way we improve is to be conscious of what we are doing. And purposely change something (on purpose). You know, you can't expect change, if you don't change anything.
 
So let's start with what are your cultures? What are your customs, what are your habits around this time of year? What do you normally do in each of the situations that are coming up? What do you normally do at parties? What do you normally do at celebrations? What do you normally do when you get the family together? What do you normally do on holidays or when you're travelling? What do you normally do on Christmas Day? Really have a think about them. What are your customs and your cultures and your habits? In the end a custom, a culture is really just choices that we've made repeatedly and decided to keep collectively. They're not locked in stone, they change all the time.
 
So they can be evolved. Just firstly recognise that. And then also decide for you, which of those customs which of those, you know if there's a particular food you have to eat, or things you have to, you know, a drink you have to have, or a certain thing you want in your life...and you like your reasons for wanting it. You like the effect it has on your body and your life. Then what are those non-negotiables for you? What do you think you have to have?
 
Now, for me, it's always trifle! Trifle's my thing at Christmas, I love it. I've also made it over in a healthier way. And I always make room for it over Christmas and usually for the few days after. I hope there's leftovers and I usually allow for some so I get to have it for a few days in a row. And most of the time, I don't have it really at all the rest of the year. But I do love having it at Christmas. It feels special to me, so it's a decision I want to keep. So if you have a food thing like that, think about you know, maybe you have to have a fruit mince pie or it's a I don't know, the nuts and the crackers and the cheese or I don't know, whatever it is for you, glass of sherry, whatever it is...Will you plan it in so you can have it in a healthy balance? Will you think about what are you doing the rest of the week, the rest of the day, so that you're not overconsuming in that choice. Will you portion it differently than the way you normally have?
 
Sometimes, you know, we have these ideas in our mind that we have to have something. Butt sometimes we just need the taste of it. You know, all the pleasures in the first three bites That's when you're really getting all of your maximum (presence) pleasure sensations. After that you're kind of just eating it. So think about (or drinking it). Think about how much do I need to feel fulfilled that I've had the thing that you need to have? Or if it's a negotiable if it's something you can, you know, it's optional. You could have it, you could not have it, it's no big deal. Can you make a swap?
 
Can you make over the recipe for whatever it is that in a healthy way, can you provide a healthier option that that feels like it's the same sort of idea, but isn't over consuming, it's going to contribute to your health and well being. You know, a simple swap here, just one off the top of my head is that for instance, crackers and cheese, you like crackers and cheese. Could you use pear or apple slices instead of crackers? Could you reduce it to reduced fat cheese, or could use a small amount of a really strongly flavoured cheese so you don't have to over consume? Can you pre-portion out those portions so that it's not just the full wheel and the platter of crackers on the table? Can you just deciding in advance, how much you're going to have? So, what are your non negotiables? What do you have to have? And how will you plan them in? What are your optionals? What are the things you could take or leave?
 
The next question is, what are the challenges that you expect to arise? I really want you to think about what are all the things. Really list them out. All of the things, all the excuses, all the reasons your brain gives you for why you can't succeed or why you can't do it, or how you let yourself down. Write those things down. Seriously, make a list on a piece of paper and you want to have them in a column. Just write them all down. (multiple pieces if you need them).
 
Right? It might be social pressure, or it might be a temptation food. It might be time pressure, it might be financial pressure. And for each thing, break it down into this specific thing. So you know, financial pressure is like I'm thinking about the credit card bill in January. How do I want to then? What do I want to do? What can I do now, to make sure that I'm sticking to my financial budget? Do I have a financial budget? What can I do that's kind and generous and loving, that relieves that financial pressure?
 
If it's social pressure, what are other people going to be saying or doing or expecting of you? You know, lots of the times when I was in my losing journey, and since then, you know it's been 12 years since I've maintained my weight loss. Now, this will be my 13th Christmas. And for many of them, there's lots of social pressure. Oh, people said to me, oh, you're doing really well, you've lost so much weight. It's  fantastic, oh it's just a special occasion, it's just one day, go on. It's, you know, it's a treat, you gotta live.
 
Yeah, I want to live. That's why I'm making these choices. It's why I've got them in balance. It's why I'm no longer willing to undermine my health and well being by overeating over consuming. Now, that doesn't mean I won't indulge. I will. I'm going to have my trifle. I'll probably have a glass of red wine or two. I'm going to have some of the treats. I'm not gonna over consume. And I'm certainly not going to let any other person's feelings or expectations dictate my health and well being. I'm not going to sacrifice my health and well being to make someone else feel better.
 
Now, that might sound selfish to you, but I actually think it's the most generous, loving thing we can do. When we take care of ourselves first, we have more abundance, we have more joy, we have more energy to give to others.  And when you show up as the authentic version of yourself and you're really true to yourself, You go actually, you know what, I'm a person who lives healthfully. I don't do that to myself anymore. Right? My health and well being matters. If it's someone who cares about you, of course, they'll respect that decision. Or you should ask them to respect that decision. If not, they get to think and say whatever they want. So often we're people pleasing, we're projecting a false version of ourselves, so that other people will be happy. But if we're doing that against ourselves, if we're doing it in a way that undermines our health and well being, right? I'll eat this so that you don't feel I'm being rude. Then think about this, that none of those people ever actually get to really like you. They're just liking the version of you that you're presenting, who overindulges who massively overeats or who has all of the things to please them.
 
In the meantime, you might be hating yourself. You might be undermining yourself. You might be saying to yourself, so you don't like you, so no one else likes you. They only like the version of you. I really want you to consider that people pleasing is lying. It's the most selfish thing you can do. Whereas caring for yourself, giving the world, the universe, the people around you, the best version of you is the most loving and generous. And then you can not only like yourself, but people can like you for who you really are. And you get to enjoy that. And you get to like them for who they are.
 
So you don't have to use this time of year to try and change anybody else. either. So just remember, we can't control other people. Because if we would we most of us would be doing that already. Right? Most of us have tried! As a control enthusiast, we've tried controlling other people, tried controlling the circumstances, we've tried (control) controlling the universe, to make us feel better. But it doesn't work. We have to take responsibility for our health and wellbeing, for our happiness, for our joy. It's our job to love us, not anyone else's. When we do, we have so much more capacity to give.
 
So I really want you to think about that. What is the story you want to tell yourself about this season, or even this year? That you were true to yourself? That you were honest with yourself? That you cared for yourself and for others? Or that you didn't? This was yet another year that you did all the same old habits, did all the things that aren't working, that you don't like. You're just gonna start again next year, but feeling more defeated more deflated. Once again, you've failed. I really want you to think about what is the story that you want to tell yourself? Because you have the capacity to make it happen.
 
In the end, I actually think there are only three things that you have to actually manage. And that's your mind. Your beliefs about yourself, and your belief in yourself. In your capacities to succeed. In your capacity to be kind, to be nice, to be loving, to be generous, to be accommodating, tolerant. You also have to manage your thoughts about others, and your thoughts about the events. So of course, let other people be who and how they going to be.
 
You know, sometimes I think when we're getting together with family on holidays and special occasions like this, like sometimes there are people in our in our world who perhaps we wouldn't be spending time with, except they're family. Right? Now, that's not saying anything about anyone in particular, but it's kind of true, right? That, you know, our friends and our family don't always look like exactly the same groups of people. And there's a reason that that's different, right? Because different people (didn't) bring different things into our life. So let other people in your life be who they are, and how they are. Use your boundaries, use your belief, use your certainty, to look after you...no matter what else anyone else is doing. So manage your thoughts about yourself, about others, about the circumstance, and the events.
 
You have to manage your feelings. Which means you have to allow your experience, any emotion that's going to come up. So allow the joy and the pleasure and the celebration and the gratitude that is available to you, the awe. And, if negative emotions come, anger, frustration, disappointment, resentment, embarrassment, shame, any of those things, just allow yourself to feel them without having to actually respond to them. So often, we spend our time reacting to emotions in an unhealthy way. I feel like we're triggered and it we'll just fall back to an old, healthy, unhealthy habits that lets us not think about it, or to avoid it or to make ourselves feel better with food. It doesn't actually end up making us feel better. So, can you simply notice your feelings, ladies have to experience them? And remember that you don't actually have to react? You have capacity to feel them. So, can you create the feelings that you want to feel on purpose?
 
And thirdly, you have to manage your actions. Will you practice healthy new behaviours or unhealthy old behaviours? Will you choose actions that serve you, and your best interests, and your health and well being? Or will you take actions against yourself that you're going to regret or feel remorseful about later?
 
And then thinking about that...It's a really interesting idea to think about... will you enjoy the season in advance? In anticipation? In the moment, being present? And in retrospect? Will you look back on it fondly, and with pleasure and pride? It's totally possible. It's totally doable, that you can enjoy it. before, during, and after. And if you're getting any resistance to that sense of dread, anxiety, doubt, then I want you to go back and re listen to this video, answer those questions and actually write out a specific, realistic strategy you can do for every challenge that comes your way. That doesn't mean you're going to get them all perfect, they're all going to work exactly the way you want them to. But even just making a plan and following through with it, will teach you what works. You'll be able to go "that worked, that worked, that worked, I'm gonna keep that, that was much better". Take pride in that. And then you might go, "that didn't work so well, that didn't work so well, that didn't work so well. Okay, what would I do different? Was my plan not realistic, do I need to just adjust a little bit better, or was the plan fine and I just needed to manage my mind and my emotions? Do I still need to practice learning those skills a bit more for next time?
 
If we keep that awareness, and we go into it with an expectation of success, and a plan for how we will look after ourselves, then you really can't go wrong. Because either you'll succeed or you'll learn things will help you succeed next time. And keeping making a small adjustments is all you actually really need to do to transform the habits.
 
Now, of course, if you're a beginner, this is the first time you've tried to change any of the habits, the first time you even realised that you could, know that it's often helpful to have someone guiding you through it. So do reach out to me if you need to help. Remember, you can ask for a free one on one session by booking that on my website at LiveMoreLife.com.au - click on free exploratory session. And we can explore a challenge that you've got coming up, help you make some plans for it. If you want, we can talk about what it might be like to continue to work together.
 
It's so amazing for me to help so many people transform these habits and to realise that it doesn't matter if it's busy, doesn't matter if there's lots of things going on. Doesn't matter if the kids are home from school, doesn't matter if I'm travelling or if I'm on holidays or there's parties and celebrations and work end of year work functions, or Christmas. It doesn't matter. It's just part of a healthy life. We get to enjoy it in a way that serves us. We can enjoy before and during and after.
 
We really can live your best life. So make sure you reach out to me if you want some help with that. Of course if this video has been useful for you make sure you give me a like, give me a reaction. And let me know in the comments. What are your biggest challenges? What are your plans? Let's share ideas with each other.
 
And of course if you're watching on YouTube or on my blog, make sure you subscribe so you get notified whenever a new video comes out. And if you're on my email list, you will also get my hints and tips via email.
 
Who will you be. Or who will you become this festive season? I hope it's someone you like!
 
With that, have an amazing day. Go make those plans. Reach out for help. Have an amazing end of year. I'll talk to you soon. Bye for now.
 
Transcribed by https://otter.ai