2019 #44 Why you don't do it.

Do you know what you need to be doing in order to succeed with your goals?
Are you doing them?
If not, why aren't you doing those things?
Here are my ideas...(and how to change).
Click here to learn more about my Stop Sabotaging Your Weight Loss course.

Transcript:
Hello there. Chances are, you probably know the steps that you need to be taking in order to succeed with your goals. Whether that's weight loss or growing your business, your income, improving your relationships or really any goal that you want. And if you don't yet have that goal, there's probably a good 

chance that not only do you know the steps, but you're probably not taking those actions. Or at least you're not taking them consistently enough yet to have achieved it.

Don't feel bad, I've been there too. It is understanding this and overcoming it that leads us to our success. What are the steps that you know you should be doing or want to be doing or could be doing, but aren't?

In my last video, I discussed finding your program truths, really having an honest look at what you actually have been doing and deciding what you wanted to be true for you. And in this video, I kind of want to look at the other half, at why we don't do the things that we want to be doing. Why do we not do the things we actually know would help us succeed? If you have an answer to that, I would love you to post that in the comments. 

Why don't you do the things that you know would help? Now I look at my experience and look, I'll be honest here. I'm a pro procrastinator from way back. I've been really good in my life, at putting off doing the things that I know will actually help by waiting for the right time or making sure I wanted to do it perfectly, or having to convince myself to believe that I could. And it's overcoming that that has helped lead me to my success. And I believe that that is how we get to any success. When we look at successful people, the successful people are the people who actually followed through and took the action, who did the work, instead of giving up when it got hard, or deciding it wasn't really for them.

That's the only difference between people succeed and people who don't. The people who succeed keep doing the work until they get the goal. So why don't we? Well, I came up with four reasons - you might have others and if you do, I'd love to hear them. 

The ones I see most commonly are, firstly,  doubt. We don't believe that those steps will actually work. Or that perhaps they just want to work for us. We know they work for other people. But that's not for me. Or we doubt our ability to actually do them. And it's so interesting, right? Because often we have to do things that we haven't done before, that are new, that are different than what we have been doing. And so of course, we don't have evidence that we can do it yet. Of course, our brain will have doubt. That's normal. It doesn't know how to do it yet. But we let that idea stop us from actually learning how from actually doing the work to train it in. 

So sometimes we just doubt...I don't believe I can get there. Don't believe I can do that. Don't believe I can make those healthy choices. Don't believe I can stop overeating....Remember that those choices are optional. You don't have to believe that. We talked about this last week, about creating your own truth. What if that's not true. I will get solutions in a moment. For now doubt might be one reason why you're not going through with action...uh I just don't think I could, I don't think it'll work. 

Maybe it's from a sense of insecurity. You're thinking that it'll be hard, or it'll be unpleasant, will be difficult. These sorts of things. Sometimes we don't do it because we think there'll be unwanted consequences. Like, if I do that - I've actually seen this lots of times with when I've worked with couples with one person is getting healthier and losing weight and feeling better about themselves, becoming more positive and changing their shape and their size. And they sabotage because they're worried about what their partner might think. Or someone else might think. Sometimes we hit what's called an upper limit belief when we worry about overshadowing other people in our life, being more successful them, then I can do that I need to pull back. And all of that comes from insecurity. Are you frightened of succeeding?

The third one is rebellion. I have a few of my clients who named this is their most common reason for not doing something. That (they) every time they get it into their head (and remember it's just in our own heads) that they 'should' or they 'must', or they 'have to', they want to rebel. And of course you do. That's what rebellion's all about. But then notice that the reason why we don't do it here is because we're thinking someone else thinks it's a good idea for us or someone thinks we should. Now the truth is we might even agree with them, but it's because we're being told, or because someone else needs or makes us do it that we don't want to. So we've lost touch with our reasons for doing the thing. Right? Basically, this is the, what I like to think of the toddler tantrum, I just don't want to. We had that little tantrum and go, I don't want to do it.

And finally, which leads me to the fourth option that I came up with, was that we do stop caring. We're like, like, if we're really honest with ourselves, we just say, That's not a priority for me in my life at this moment. I'd much rather eat this thing, or scroll through facebook, facebook, or daydream about it, or wallow in my misery. I'd rather just complain about the circumstances in my life than actually doing the thing. Notice, for all those people who said Why aren't you doing it? If you said I don't have time, you're in this category. You've decided that it's not a priority for you right now. Because you have time. You're just choosing not to spend it on this. And by the way, that's perfectly okay. Don't get me wrong. If you honestly decide that actually achieving that goal, doing that work right now, isn't important for you, it doesn't really matter. Then be okay with that...just realise that you're not achieving the goal, when you're not doing those things that need to be done to achieve it. That could be perfectly okay.

Maybe part of the not caring is you're feeling apathetic, you're in the 'Why bother? Who cares?' sort of stage and again, that means you've lost connection with your reasons. You're compelling Why? Why does it matter? Why does it matter? Like, whenever we ask ourselves those rhetorical questions, 'why bother? Who cares?' I always like to suggest that you answer them. Why bother? Okay, because the outcome is worth it. Who cares? Me. I actually care about how I feel about my health, my well being.

Maybe you aren't caring, I don't know maybe you've slipped into defeated. You've decided that 'I actually can't keep doing this or can't keep doing it this way. I have tried and tried and tried not seeing my results'. Okay, well, what I offer for you there is that... stop trying to do it that way! If you're not going to do it that way. Rather, (but don't) rather than giving up on your goal, go, 'how else could I do it? What could I do instead of..' I'll come back to get the solutions in a moment. But those are the three main sorry, the four main reasons that I came up with doubt, insecurity, rebellion, and apathy or we stopped caring.

And I actually think all of these are just manifestations of fear. This idea that we're going to miss out, or we're not going to have, or we're not going to be good enough, or someone else will think. You know, we're going to be deprived, we're going to get kicked out of the tribe, it'd be too much effort, I will lose status or security or serenity in the doing of these goals.

And I had the privilege of listening to Marie Forleo speak last week, and she introduced an idea that I hadn't heard before. That really resonated with me and I think it's relevant here when we've come talk about all these reasons being just manifestations of fear. In order for all of our doubts, or insecurities, our rebelliousness, our apathy is all just fear speaking. The trouble is with our emotions, the trouble with with fear is that it doesn't actually have language. This has been raised idea that what if fear is simply our friend without language.

You know, all of us go through a developmental stage in our life when we're infants, when we're babies, that we don't have language, our only way to communicate a desire or need or concern is by crying. We make noise. It's the, it's the noise we have. Oh, maybe you want to think about this in terms of your pet. If you have a dog, for instance. You know, you might know that they'll be barking when they're excited to see you. They'll be barking when they're playing a game. Or they'll be barking when they're frightened of intruder, their warding territory, right? The mailman is coming or people are walking past the gate or the fence. But without language, they only have one way of expressing themselves. Even though the messages are different, right? Consider a baby, they're crying, why are they crying? Are they tired? Are they hungry? Are they hot, are they cold? Do they just need comfort, Do they needed their diaper changed? You know all of these sorts of things... different messages, different concerns, only one method of communicating. 

So what if?...What if we've been looking at faer, feeling the fear, and what if we can misinterpreting it? What if there are multiple messages, but we've only been listening to one. For most of us fear just means "Watch out! Something bad is going to happen". And it's our primitive flight, freeze or fight response for danger. Oh my god, there's a lion, it's going to eat me. I need to run away. I need to fight the lion or I need to freeze like a statue. And so the lion moves on.

So we feel the fear. And we think oh my god, something bad's gonna happen. I have to not do. I have to avoid. I have to run away from. Ans the trouble is our primitive brain I think has gotten confused with so many the triggers and so many of the thoughts in our life. So many of the ways we live now, where our issues or challenges that concerns are not about survival, right? Most of our stresses in our lives in our world are not currently about survival. But our brain doesn't know the difference. So it keeps sending us this message - Be afraid something Bad's happening, something bad's gonna happen.

What if we've been getting that wrong, though? What if that's not the only message that fear could be intending to tell us? What if it was like the baby or the dog? And instead it might be going ,like it could be going, Oh, yes, there's fear, there is something dangerous here, pay attention. Or it might be going. There's something important here. There's something you care about. There some... an opportunity here for you to evolve, to develop, to grow. This is powerful. Pay attention. What if it's saying that instead? Can you rethink your reasons?

I really like this idea. And it's something I'm still maybe just working through in my own mind. I think there's a great space here for it. For this idea of, or what if fear doesn't mean those things? What if I've just been getting the message wrong? What if, instead my brain has been giving me the signal to go, go forward. Do this. It matters. So interesting. So can you rethink that? Or can you find another way to help you get into going? 

How do we actually change from how we have been? And here's the ideas I came up with. So firstly, if you're in doubt, what if you just allow for the possibility? What if you spent some time contemplating... What if this does work for me? What if it could work? What if it's easy? What if it's fun? What if this is the best thing ever? Think about, is it possible for others? And because it's possible then, Could I learn to do it? Right? Maybe I can't do it straight away. Maybe it will be hard. But what if it will get easier as I do it? What if I learn how, what if three months or six months or six weeks from now, this is no longer an issue? Because I've done the work. Really interesting and kind of exciting questions. And for me, it's so interesting because I think excitement and fear always give the same energy in my body. So is that a sign that there's potential? There's power? 

If you've got those insecurities if you've got those - oh my god, but what if it's hard? Or what if there are unintended, unwanted consequences, things like that - well really answer those questions. Like I really think the answer is to examine those insecurities and go, well how are they justified? Are they really realistic? Maybe my partner will leave because I get too attractive and they don't think they're good enough and I become a different person by being more positive, having more energy and feeling more alive. Okay, what do you want? Them staying if they're not happy? Because the alternative of course, is if we're not happy, if we want this change, and we're holding ourselves back from it, we're not doing it. Are we willing to stay Because we're not happy? How is that an act of love? 

Okay, so examine, bring how likely it is, question and answer those rhetorical questions. And then also maybe just come to acceptance and maybe it is going to be hard. Okay. I'm willing to do hard things. I've done hot things in the past. Probably in your life, you do hard things. Now, you probably do do some things that you don't really want to do, except that you do want the benefit you do want the  consequences.

So this is the thing I want to encourage you to keep doing, to keep opting in. So examine, question, except there's consequences and even if you're not sure, try it out. Try it on like a science experiment. Maybe if I just give it a go for a while and see what happens. See what I learned about myself? See what shifts and changes. You know, in the end, we learn by doing. There is a great quote by Thomas Monson who says, "it is in the doing, not just the thinking, that we accomplish our goals". You actually have to do. 

So, could you try it out? Could try it as a science experiment? Could you pay attention? Or could you try it differently? I said before, for those people who are going "I'm feeling defeated, I just can't keep doing it this way, I can keep doing the same thing". Well stop doing the same thing! How else could I do it? What else could I do differently? You know, most of us have tried beating ourselves up, beating ourselves into motivation, criticizing ourselves to get going. No. It doesn't work. Can we try a different way? Can we try loving ourselves forward? Can we try caring for ourselves? Can we really connect to that purpose, that potential? Why we want that change and why it matters for our life.

And then remember, you can't just decide. You can connect with that why, with why it matters. You can check your priorities. Am I prioritising this? Am I giving it the time, the energy, the focus the resources that it needs? And if not, am I willing to change? What can I shift? You know, priority means 'first in order', so where am I putting these actions? Could they be moved up the order? 

And of course, give yourself permission to succeed. You know, if you've never had the success before, or you always doubted, What if you just go "What if it's okay?". What if it works out better? What if I do have better outcomes? What if I have more joy, more connectedness, if I have more abundance to give? Because I've reached this goal, what if this improves not only my life, but the lives of everyone else around me? What if you gave yourself that permission, just because you want it, just because it's meaningful for you? So many of us spend so much of our lives giving caring for others, we forget to prioritize our own needs as well.

So for all my people with no time, How are your priorities? And remember, it's okay to decide "Actually, this isn't a priority for me right now. I don't actually want to spend the time, I'm not willing to do that". Okay, so stop beating yourself up about it. Just put the goal aside for the moment. Come back to it at another time. And just to be honest, this is the kind of the take home message, is take responsibility for your actions. You're not doing it because of any of those reasons. You're either doing it because you want to, or you're not doing it because you decided you don't want to. What if you just made that okay?

Or if it's not okay for you to not do it to not achieve the goal to not get there. And how can you decide that you do want to do it, you are willing to do what it takes. Are you ready to take responsibility? If so, can you stop making excuses for why you can't get it done, and focus on the reasons why you want to, and how you could do it?

Well, if you are currently on a weight loss journey, and you're not doing the things you need to be doing, especially if you're worried about the end of your celebration season coming up. If you're ready to take responsibility for your choices, and you want some help retraining those habits, overcoming emotional eating, then know that enrollments for my course, are now open this first week of November 2019. So if you're watching live, obviously, you can join this week. Join me and learn how to take control, how to retrain those unhealthy habits so that you can thrive over the end of the year celebration season. This is the last time the course will be offered this year. So I really want you to take a moment imagine what would it be like if you come through December come through into January and then you you don't need to start again. You don't need to get 'back on track' because you've enjoyed the end of your season and you've managed your health and well being at the same time. It's totally possible.

Alright, well if you want to get my help to get those habits sorted mail then go to livemorelife.com.au click on stop sabotaging your weight loss and you can learn more and enroll. I'd love to have you join me. Of course, if you are watching after, the replay after, if you're watching replay after the ninth of November, then go to the website livemorelife.com.au click on stop sabotaging your weight loss and make sure you sign up to the waitlist so you get notified when I do open enrollment in 2020.

Alright, for now, make doing the actions you need to do to succeed, or not doing them, a choice. Take responsibility and consider shifting your thinking. Are you misinterpreting the fear? Is the doubt, the insecurity, the apathy, the rebelliousness just a misunderstood message? Connect with your why, decide that you can and try it on. 

I hope this has been helpful for you. Please make sure you give me a like, give me a comment. If you're watching on YouTube, make sure you hit the subscribe button so that you can get notified of every new video. And likewise, if you're watching on my video blog, make sure you sign up to my newsletter. Get not only the notification but also my hints, tips and ideas and special offers when I have availablity to work together. Alright, well I'd love to hear from you. Let me know how you're going. 

And otherwise, let's go and do it. Let's make these goals. Let's make our success reality.

Transcribed by https://otter.a