2019 #38 The Skills of healthy living

What are the skills of Weight Loss and Healthy Living? Here are my thoughts.

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Transcript
David Starr-Johnson says "Wisdom is knowing what to do next. Skill is knowing how to do it. And virtue is doing it.
Hello, everyone, and welcome. I really like this concept that wisdom is knowing what to do, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is actually doing it. When we're trying to create a healthy life, when 

we're ​trying to make a transformation in our world, with our weight, or fitness, or health and well being, our income, our relationships, all of it, we so often get stuck practising skills and doing things that ultimately aren't helpful.

And so I wanted to spend this time today to ask you, "what do you think are the skills of living a healthy life?" If you are joining me live, I'd love for you to type it down in the comments or even if in the replay, say hi, type replay and then put in your answers. What are the skills that you think you need to be successful, to create the results that you want?

And the reason I ask, is there's a lot of myths out there in the weight loss industry, the self improvement industry. There's lots of traps that people fall into about 'I'm just going to do this, I did this, have to be strict, have to be disciplined, actually regimented'....So that I can get to.

But I think "getting to" is the wrong viewpoint. I think I'm more helpful view is to be "living at". How do I live a life that includes the results I want?

So lots of people are probably putting in things like eating healthfully moving more, you know, looking after myself. Maybe some of you are doing extreme things like cutting out the carbs, or minimizing my portions, going hungry, or skipping meals. So many things that we think we have to do. You know, overdoing supplements, doing meal replacements, even getting surgery. Now, for some people, those are options that will work for them. But I think that most people, we get all too caught up on what to do, not how we're actually going about doing it. How will we live it at the end? 

In the end, my job, my role, I think as a coach, is to help people live more of the life that they want to be living. It's why I called my company Live More Life. I want you to live more of the life that you want. 

So here are my four key skills. So, you can list down how many there are and I really encourage you to make your list. What are the skills for you, do you think, that you need to be successful? I think they are in four key areas, any really four skills you need to develop. So I've written them up and we'll see how we go with the focus.

The first one is to design a life, you can actually live. As I said, it's not enough just to get to our goal. To be at a goal weight, to be able to run that marathon or to be earning a certain level of income. It's a life that you can live like that. So many people make the mistake, when they're trying to lose weight or get healthier, of trying to hate themselves healthy. You know, "I don't like this" or "I don't like that about my body or about my situation", and "I'm trying to move away from" it. Rather than looking at what they're moving towards. Because if we get there, in a way that we don't like, then we won't sustain it.

We have to think about "what things can I do for the long term?". And I think there are four key things here, three criteria that you need to meet. And they are it has to be something whenever I make a change, it has to be something I actually enjoy. Or that I'll enjoy the benefit of long term. I guess, sometimes in the process, I talk about the river of misery, it's not always fun in the process of transformation. But you can't go without the things you enjoy, the things you enjoy have to be included, we find a way to work them in. 

It has to fit your lifestyle. You have to be living now, in the losing time, or in the transformation, in the way that you're going to live for life. In terms of weight loss, losing is the practice for the living. Losing time is practice for maintaining time. 

Of course, you have to do things that actually get you the results you want. You know, both in the moment, and in the long term. So many people try and do things that get fast results, we want that quick fix, right? We want it gone now. But it's not the result we want ultimately, because ultimately we will make that unsustainable, we'll not follow through with it, we'll revert. I sometimes think, particularly with weight loss. 

That's what I did. Back in the day, before I lost all my weight this last time, this last 12 years. You know, I would lose some weight and I'd be good, be good for a little while and eat healthily do some exercise. And then because I wasn't making changes, I could sustain, I would get to a goal of maybe I'd lose five kilos, 10 kilos, and then I go, "Oh well that's done, now I can go back to my real life". Of course, I just went straight back to old the old unhelpful habits. I just primed my body to store fat next time. So that doesn't work. I said my fat went recruiting. You know, I did that once I lost 10 kilos, and then it brought back an extra 10 it went and  brought friends. So I put on 20 kilos that time. 

So it has to be including things you enjoy, it has to fit into the lifestyle, right. So if you're a person who eats out, or travels a lot, or has lots going on in your life, involves other people, then it has to fit in with those things. It has to get you the results you want, right, for the long term, it actually has to feel good for your body.

I see, so many people making mistakes with food supplements or with exercise doesn't actually feel good. That they eat and then they feel bloated or they feel uncomfortable. They don't like it, or they do exercise that they you know, hate every minute of, just to get there.

You've got to live your life. So are you designing a life, you can live? This is this key skill number one. And for many people, this is where coaching help makes such a huge difference. Because we can ask these questions, we can look at what is the life that you want to live, on purpose.

Speaking of purpose, the second skill is purposeful thinking. So many of us think that our thoughts just happened to us. They are just facts. It's just how it is in the world. So many of us have thoughts about our own identity, even, though we think are just true. I used to say, "I am lazy, I'm no good at that, I have no self confidence, and self esteem, I don't like my body". I used to think that's just the way it was. I had to kind of cross my fingers that I hope that once I got to goal, then I would feel better about myself. Then life would be easy, then everything would be sunshine and rainbows. I'm sorry to tell you,  that doesn't work. 

So the good news is, we can learn these skills. That we can have awareness, develop awareness of what our thoughts are, be conscious of our thinking process, our thinking habits, our thinking styles, and develop mindfulness so that we can be paying attention to them, moment by moment. Noticing when they come in, noticing whether we want to believe them, whether we want to follow them. Or whether we're resisting them, whether we're fighting them, whether we don't believe.

We have to develop the skill and the knowledge to know that thoughts aren't facts. They're just an opinion. That's controversial for some people. But just because we think something does not mean (we) it is true, right? It just means we're believing it to be true. The way we can tell is if we ask 100 people, a thousand people, a million people about the same thing. Would they have the same thought? Would they all agree that it is true? Would they be differences? And if there's differences, it's an opinion, not a fact. 

What I love about that is that also means that with mindfulness with this awareness, we can start to choose thoughts. purposefully. We can look at our thoughts and go, "is that thought helping me, is it served me? What would served me better?"

Okay, so choose your thoughts on purpose. And by doing that, it means you can actually look at what you're doing and liking your reasons for doing it. This is what I was saying before, that so often we go on a diet because we have to, or because we should or the doctor told us or, you know, we want to look good in that photo, fit into that outfit for the wedding or, you know, get back into the bathing suit. Here in Australia, it's getting warm now, we're going into spring, it's almost switched straight over into summer. So a lot of people are telling me that the cooler clothes don't fit where they used to.

So do you like your reasons for creating change? Is it for you? Or are you trying to change against yourself, in a way that's undermining? It's a powerful distinction. So number two, purposeful thinking.

The third skill, emotional management. Again, most people think our emotions just happen to us. It's just the way it is. And then of course with that, we spend so much time fighting them, we spend so much time thinking that they shouldn't be there, resisting them or avoiding them. Right? How many procrastinators out there are avoiding feeling uncomfortable, or avoiding being judged? Avoiding putting in the effort? How often do we turn away from what we want to be doing, because of fear or doubt? All emotions. 

You know, and all emotions are here to serve us. You know, so sadness, anger, frustration, all useful, emotions. All telling us something important. So the skill to develop here is to welcome and process the full spectrum of emotions. And by process I mean, that allows, or welcomes it in, and then understand what it's here for, what is it serving you? And choosing, on purpose, what you think about that, right, they're just delivering a message. 

Of course, part of the skill is also generating useful emotions on purpose. I talked about fear and doubt before. So sometimes we need courage or bravery. Sometimes we need to feel inspired. Sometimes we need to look for awe, for gratitude. We need to develop compassion and love. These are all emotions that we can generate, on purpose, when we have emotional management. 

You know, most people just think they are at the effect of their emotions, they just happened to us. And there's nothing you can do about it. And so often we stay stuck in them, because we try to resist them, we try to avoid them. Right? We think they shouldn't be there, or that it's wrong, we shouldn't feel that way. You know, one of my one of my coachees said to this morning, that they're angry themselves, that they noticed they are angry. And then though they're angry at themselves for being angry. You get stuck in the cycle of unhelpful emotions.

And for most of us, those are the reasons, these are the reasons, being at the effect of emotions - rather than welcoming them, noticing them using them - is how we get to overeating, over drinking procrastination, in the first place. Resisting emotions is one of the causes, that helps us gain our own unhealthy habits in the first place. So we need to transform that. So that's a skill to change. 

And lastly, the fourth skill, that I think is really important, is the practice of self care. Actually caring for yourself. I said, so many times during this, this live already, that can't hate yourself, (and) you can't hate yourself healthy. It doesn't work. 

So you have to be willing to show up for yourself, to actually prioritize your own needs, your own designs, your own time and energy. You to advocate for yourself, for your health and well being in the presence of others. You need to experiment and be willing to fail. Knowledge begins with experience. So you actually have to have experiences. It's avoiding them that is not helping, you actually have to have the experience. 

Decide whether it's useful for you, whether you want to keep it, to know how to change it. And being willing to ask for help. So showing up is prioritizing your time and energy advocating for yourself experimenting, being willing to fail and being willing to ask for help, if you need to.

Self Care also involves practicing kindness, especially towards yourself. Developing that emotion of compassion and love and care for yourself. And actually nurturing yourself through any circumstance that comes your way.

These, I think, are the four key skills to transform your life. To design your life on purpose, to purposefully think your thoughts, purposeful thinking, learn emotional management, so that you can use them for you, instead of against you, they can enrich your experience of life. And then to practice and make normal, nurturing self care.

Which of these four skills and I guess all of their sub skills, do you have mastery over? Are there any of those skills where you might need some more practice, you might need some more help. I think of mastery as being able to do something so automatically, so well, that it is the default. That, if you like, we can't not to do it. 

I see so many people in their weight loss transformations, their fitness transformations, their relationship transformations, get to a place of competency, where they can do it. Unfortunately, so many people stop at that level. They go, "I can do it". And ironically, it often leads them to "well I don't need to do that anymore. I don't need to put it into practice". I get to competency and then I stop. For most people, that's where they relapse to old habits. 

You know, as I said before, that's what I did when I lost those 10 kilos, back in the 90s. I lost 10 kilos and I went, "Ah, that's great. I've got to my normal weight" (by the way that was still 30 kilos overweight). I had said to myself, "okay, well, I can go back to my real life, I don't need to do those things anymore. If I ever put the weight on again, I'll just lose it again". 

Really unhealthy, unhelpful thinking. And of course, as I already said, those 10 kilos went and recruited another 10 kilos I pulled on 20. It wasn't until I learned these four skills that I actually transformed for life. You know, I've maintained those 50 kilos for 12 years now. And I've helped so many thousands of people do it as well. So these are the skills that I teach in my coaching. And in fact, if you're interested in learning some or getting some help with mastering these skills, not just getting to competency but mastering them, so they become the default, so that anything else is a surprising or purposeful exception. Then know that I have trainings coming up. 

So, if you're interested in learning more about these skills, all this week, I'm running some free workshops on the three mental breakthroughs that you need to reach your goals. In the things you must have. In fact, I've seen every single person who succeeded for life master and every person who hasn't fail at them. You have to learn these three. So check out those webinars, I'll put the links in the description below.

And, this week, my Stop Sabotaging Your Weight Loss course opens for enrollment. This is my five week course to help you overcome emotional eating with daily practice and support. It's a powerful, powerful journey. So I'll put it in the notes down below. If you do attend the webinar live, I'll talk a little bit more about the course in detail. And I'll have a special offer and a special discount for you. So to jump on the webinar, do check out my course, or reach out for help. It is my mission in life to help people create the life that they want to be living, that they can live and enjoy wants you to live more of your life.

So whether you join or not have to think about how many of these skills do you have mastery over? 

Now, are there any areas that you still need to practice? 

I'd love you to let me know in the comments. What will you practice? How will you work on your mastery this week, so that you can create the life you want. Of course, if this has been useful, give me like, give me a follow. If you're watching on YouTube, make sure you hit the subscribe button or sign up to my newsletter on my video blog page, so you get notified every new video and you get a heads up of when trainings opportunity to work with me become available. 

For now, I'll leave you with a quote from A.E. Manda who says "Thinking is skilled work. It is not true that we are naturally endowed with the ability to think clearly and logically, without learning how or without practice".

Or perhaps, in the words of Jim Rohn, "You must either modify your dreams, or magnify your skills".

I hope this has been useful. Get out there and magnify your skills create the life you want. Talk to you soon.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai