2019 #34 Results are neutral

Have you got results-orientated thinking?
Are you making your weight (or you fitness or your money) mean something about you?
What if the results were just results - and they were emotionally neutral? Can you make the switch to focusing on what really matters?

Transcript
​Have you got results orientated thinking?

By that, I mean are you making the number on the scales, or your fitness, or your results in a competition, or the amount of money in your bank account mean something about you?

I wanted to share these thoughts with you today - I really want to ask this question, because I'm seeing this a lot with a lot of my weight loss clients at the moment, where I'm seeing many people see a number on the scale and then decide to make it mean something about them as a person.  Who's ever done that? You know, maybe you've gotten on the scale and you've seen it go down, and you've gone "great! I'm doing it right, it's going well, I'm successful, I'm good at this".

Or maybe you've gotten on the scale and seen it go up and felt disheartened or discouraged. Maybe you said things like "that's frustrating, I've done everything right, I deserve it, I'm no good at this, I'm hopeless, I'm not going to get there, I can't do it." And notice in all of those questions, those those thoughts, those comments, you make it mean something about you.

I'm going to offer for you today, but that's a really unhelpful way to live. It actually doesn't actually move you forward towards your goals. I see so many people get so caught up on the result that they forget about the process, they forget about all of the habits, the routines that they've been creating, even ones they've been enjoying and exploring and getting the benefit of, in their life. And they forget about all of the things that still need changing, that you want to change next that could still be improved.

Whenever we get focused on the result, instead of the process, we get stuck. Because, I contend, that we're focusing on the wrong thing. And so today, I want to offer this idea that what if you could just allow the number, the amount of money in your bank account, the amount of weight you can lift, the distance you can run, or the number on the scale to be emotionally neutral.

What if it's just the fact? It's where it is for you at this moment in time. Just think about that. How useful is it to you to know that exact number for one particular moment in time?

I can hear some of you going, Oh, it's very useful. I can, you know, I can see whether I'm on the right track or I'm on the right arm off track how I'm doing how I'm performing. Know, you can only see those things. If you're looking at a pattern or a trend over time. Not the particular result you got that time, that one time in that instance.

It's looking at the idea that there's always something we can improve, if we want to. We want to be changing our lives and there's always something we've done well. So many people get frustrated and go, either they've done everything well and didn't get a result, or had one little setback and and have said, I'm not doing anything well. And I think both of those two things alre lies. It's just not true.

It's just a result. It's just one piece of information. It's just one piece of feedback. It doesn't say anything about you as a person. I really want you to consider that. What if you didn't need the result? You didn't need the money or the the fitness milestone, the PB or you didn't need a particular number on the scales to tell you whether you're on track whether you're being successful? Whether you're worthy of success?

What if you just decided that you're worthy of success right now? (By the way, I think that's true. I think every single one of us deserves to be living the life we want. And I do think it's available to us). So what if you thought that you were and believe that you are capable of success right now? Regardless of the current result? What if you believed that you were successful now? Regardless of the current result? What if you were a person who creates success in your life?

I think these are much more useful thoughts. Rather than spending time and energy, fretting, worrying, complaining, moaning about a particular result. All that energy, all that focus could be going into the process. It could be going into creating the life you want, it could be going into time being spent believing this is possible for you. I think that's a much better use of your time.

Yes, I think you should reflect. Yes, I think self evaluation is important. We should be able to look back and go, what am I doing that's working for my life? What's improving the quality of my life? What's moving me towards the goal that I want? What am I doing to get in the way of that? What am I doing to undermine my success? What am I doing that's creating a quality of life that I don't want?

Awareness is key of all of those things. But the result is almost irrelevant. Because in the end, we want to be living that life that we want to be living. And we do that by actually practicing skills, the techniques, the tools, the habits, to create that life. The more we practice them, the more it becomes our life.

The more time we spend beating ourselves up or doubting, or going, "Oh, I'm doing so well, look at that great result, now I deserve a reward". I get to go have the thing that undermines that success. Let's lose all of it. Let's stop making it means stuff about us. You are already worthy. You're already lovable. You have all the wisdom and capability and strength that you need already. 

And if you want to create change in your life, you can create it right now. But it's not through looking at the result. It's through looking at the process.

Anytime you notice that you're not practicing the healthy habits that you want in your life, don't spend any time beating yourself up about it, just notice it. Make it emotionally neutral. Just say it's a fact, I haven't been doing the thing I wanted. I did this thing that didn't work. Okay? No big deal. Doesn't matter either way. What matters is what we do about it now.

What do you want to be doing in your life? Can you care for yourself enough to allow the result to just be emotionally neutral? Can you care for yourself enough to go...That's okay. I believe in my success. My success isn't any in any doubt because of this. I'm just going to move on and do it.

My coach talks a little bit about this, like, in self confidence, the idea of being able to pour a glass of water. You know, I think most of us would feel pretty confident that would be successful in pouring a glass of water. But from time to time, maybe you've gotten that wrong. Maybe you spilt the glass, you've done that. Maybe you missed the glass or overfilled. Maybe it slipped out of your hand and you didn't fill the glass successfully. We don't make that mean anything. It doesn't mean we're a bad person and we're no good. We don't believe that we're not capable of filling a glass with water. You simply stop, refill it. We move on. We focus on the process. I bet you we probably pay more attention to how we do it that time. Make sure the glass is steady. Make sure that the water is pouring into the vessel and we're stopping in time.

Notice the focus on the process, not on the result. That is the key.

In the end, anytime you notice that you're not having that practice, you're not focusing on the practice of those healthy habits, those successful habits, then, know that that's simply an invitation for you to recommit to the future you want. To re-decide, in the moment, that it's worth your effort to practice those healthy routines. You can choose differently, then making it mean something about you.

So, I really want you to consider that. Can you stop wasting time on making a good result meaning that you're good, that you're successful, and stop making a bad result mean that you're bad and you know, you're not successful and instead just going, "the results will be what they are". And if I create the change, if I practice the skills and the habits that I want to be practicing, that moves me towards the life I want to be living. Then eventually I'll just be living it.

There's a quote I love here that says, "It is not in achieving a result that we change our life. It is in changing ourselves, to create a life that includes the result we want".

I really want you to hear that. I really want you to think about it. So often, we think about when we get to our goal, when we reach that milestone, when we have a certain amount of money, when we get the promotion, then we'll be happy, then we'll be living the life that we want, then all our problems will be solved. But the truth is, we come with us to wherever we're going in life. To whatever destination we reach. We're going with us. And life is a balance. 

It's all about, you know, research shows that you're roughly always going to be roughly as happy as you are now. Now, that's not to say that you can't improve it. Martin Seligman, and the whole positive psychology movement, there is great research to show that you can improve your happiness and your well being by your action. But in the end, it's not getting there that's going to make you happy. It's doing the work, that's going to create happiness, that's going to create the life you want. And in the end, you'll get the result.

So, are you, being the person you need to be, to do the activities, that create the life you want? And if you aren't, how could you change that, on purpose? Just because you want it. Just because it might be fun. just because it works better.

I invite you into that conversation with yourself today and go "do you know what? that's just where I am at the moment. It doesn't mean anything good or bad. And if I want to change, I can do that. Pick one thing and have a practice.

I'd love to know what process, what habit you're going to focus on now, to start to create the life you want. What can you believe, to be the person who's living that? I'd love to know. So please share with me in the comments. If you're watching this, either live or on replay live. Hi, great to see you. Glad you could join us today. If you're watching the replay. Hi. Great to see you. Give me like give me a follow. Let me know if this was useful for you.

Have you ever made the result mean something? And will you now, simply just make it neutral?

Remember that if you do want more help, particularly your weight, or you find that you are sabotaging your weight loss, or that you don't know how to get into this mindset, know that I've got some free trainings coming up early in September. I've got some great webinars about the traps to avoid, if you want to be successful with your weight loss, and my course Stop Sabotaging Your Weight Loss is reopening for enrollments in September. So let's change those thinking, those thoughts. Let's become a person who never sabotages who overcomes emotional eating.

If that'd be useful for you, go to www.LiveMoreLife.com.au click on Stop Sabotaging Your Weight Loss and join the wait list so you get notified as soon as the doors open.

Until then, have an amazing day and I look forward to talking to you again soon.